All the FMLs

Ghosted

By LunaRayne13 - 10/09/2020 08:02

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 229

Big tongue logging on

By Anonymous - 10/09/2020 05:01 - United States - Norwich

Today, I spent seven dollars to find out I’m allergic to kiwi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 189

Backwards

By twilight zone - 10/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I was actually criticized for giving my kids scientific answers to their questions, instead of dumb downed fairytales. Gotta love the public school system, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 177

Appearance matters

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:00

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 432

Thanks for the setup, dude

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 20:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was set up on a date by a coworker. The guy turned up late, but whatever. He then spent 30 breathlessly long minutes complaining about his "bitch of an ex." Then he spent another 30 minutes trying to convince me that the QAnon bullshit was real. I had to pull the whole 'fake emergency phone call' to get the hell out of there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 286

Credibility loss

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 17:01 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was promoted to vice president of my company. I gave a speech explaining how I intended to run things more transparently. When I bent down to pick up my folder, my pants split. Somebody said, "Powerpuff girls panties. Transparent indeed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 301

America's Funniest Home Videos

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 314

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 10:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 162

Laughs in socialized healthcare

By David Wicker - 09/09/2020 08:02

Today, I sleep on the floor every night because my cat has punctured three air mattresses. I was going to get a real bed with my stimulus check, but I broke my leg and had to pay for the doctor's bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 351

Empathy hurts

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 02:02

Today, my brother-in-law's wife said she won the jackpot by marrying into our family. What she doesn't know is that they make fun of her family behind her back, and her husband has no drive or focus in life. Now I get to watch her discover how crazy they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 253

Extreme late fees

By Martin - 08/09/2020 23:01 - Switzerland

Today, I had an appointment to pull some wisdom teeth. I wrote the wrong time in my calendar. Showed up an hour late and they didn't pull the one tooth that actually hurts. Now I've got the pay for the time I was late, plus wait until November to pull the rest. I waited 5 months for this appointment due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 373

High Times

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 17:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I got hit by a car while I was on the phone. I was sat at a bus stop. The driver was high and lost focus lighting another blunt. My family and some friends are mad that I'm pressing charges and making weed look bad in the media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 380

Geyser Söze

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 2 098

Targeted

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 10:01 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 104

Walked into that one

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 08:01

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 578

Life decisions

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 05:05

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 430

Insurance fraud

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 02:02 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't have a license, backed up my car in a Taco Bell parking lot. Someone else was also backing up and smashed right into my car. If they ask to see the camera footage, they're going to see he was driving and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 2 001

The spirit of John Lennon

By Becks - 07/09/2020 23:01

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 122

Alexa, play 4'33" by John Cage

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 17:00

Today, I was the first to sign up to play the national anthem for my school, at one of my volleyball games. My teacher told me she would bring my sheet music. She didn’t. So I just sat there, awkwardly, not playing my cello. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 245

Shorty

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 361

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 10:02 - United States - Akron

Today, after a year and a half, I finally cut things off with my ex completely because I was starting to have feelings for someone else. Right after I cut my ex off, the other girl that I liked cut things off with me, and threw my ass in the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 1 948

Serious times

By GreatBlakWarior - 07/09/2020 08:03 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, after several unsuccessful job interviews, I'm starting to feel emotionally down as both my mum and myself are out of work due to Covid. I even applied as a call centre agent with a friend that offered training. He got accepted and I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 237

You deserved it 255

Kids and their wacky crazes

By tclwj - 07/09/2020 05:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my two daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 217

Haircut, haircuuuut

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 02:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, I came to the decision that I needed some variety in my life, so I decided to get a haircut. My mom insisted that she could do it and that she had experience because she cuts my dad's short hair. I had thick, long hair. Now, my hair is uneven, ugly and short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 725

Dash and dine

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 23:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 143

Medicare for all

By Chad - 06/09/2020 19:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I had to have emergency work done on my teeth after I seized in the shower and smashed my face into the tub. Apparently, the dental insurance I'd been paying for but had never used ended its coverage 4 days ago, because my job was no longer working with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 105

Social reform, please

By Pepsi - 06/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 159

Harsh

By notonasoccertam - 06/09/2020 10:09 - United States

Today, I made my school's soccer team. I told the coach that since I have diabetes, I might need to sit out occasionally. He promptly erased my name and said he didn't accept "slackers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 245

Meet the family

By annika - 06/09/2020 08:07 - Canada

Today, I finally took the courage to introduce my ginger boyfriend to my family. It didn't go too well. My dad asked if he could call him "Ron Weasley" and my 13-year-old brother asked if he had a soul. Now I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 238

Delusions

By Ilikeurfmls - 06/09/2020 05:05

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 139

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The Top

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 089

You deserved it 1 732

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 390

You deserved it 34 072

Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 587

You deserved it 15 049

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 157

You deserved it 662

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 785

Today, according to my wife, if we hadn’t gotten drunk and pregnant on the first date, she never would've chosen me to be her husband, as I’m not her type, not even close, and that frankly I’m lucky her Catholic upbringing was the only thing that stopped her having multiple affairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 192