By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler
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Addison, Alexis, Allison, Aubrey, Avery, Bailey, Beverly, Blair, Brook, Cassidy, Dana, Darcy, Harper, Hilary, Kelley, Kelsey, Lesley, Lindsay, Lynn, Madison, Mckenzie, Meredith, Michele, Sandy, Shannon, Shelby, Skylar, Stacy, Sydney and Whitney, and more, all also began as masculine names. Just food for thought
Oddly enough in my psych class my professor said that, statistically speaking, male male gay relationships experience the most infedelity. Lesbian relationships have the least. That's not to say that gay people do or don't cheat, they're just as capable and I'm pretty sure that situations like this are well off the radar for anything that's been analyzed or that's typical.
I kinda get what you're saying, but...really? OP should just be happy? Would you say "no matter if he's married, if he's 100% not attracted to his wife but attracted to YOU and loves you, just be happy" to a woman who found out her fiancé already had a wife? If he left his wife, that'd be one thing. But the fiancé is a LIAR. He has been living a complete double life, probably for quite a while now (meaning he's had lots of time to let OP in on it), and was probably sleeping with the wife too. Personally, I'd still be upset if my SO told me "oh, the sex meant nothing though, I'm not attracted to her and it was just a cover story so it doesn't count as cheating," especially if he waited till AFTER I found out myself to tell me anything! I mean, I could understand the twisted reasoning behind hiding it from his wife (even if I still think it's wrong), but I really can't think of a good reason why he would hide it from OP once he became serious about the relationship. The fiancé should've told OP he was married from the start, and divorced his wife instead of cheating on her.
Whether he's bi and fell out of love with his wife or gay and just now realized he only likes men, there is no excuse for such an absolute dick move. He cheated both of them by cheating on his wife and promising a lifelong commitment to OP that would have never gone through (because I believe you can't legally be married to two people at once). If he seriously wanted to move on and find someone else, he should've left his wife first and only then started an honest relationship with OP or someone else. That scenario is no better than if he really was just interested in cheating.
A lot of gay people marry straight, because they feel it's easier to pretend to be straight. It eventually comes out, sadly usually after years of marriage and children. This may be far more complicated than just cheating. The wife could have been lied to from day 1 and used as a cover. Depending on the age and where the man was from coming out may not have been anything like what it is today. Not saying he was right, just saying there's probably more going on. It's could be very complicated and all too common.
#29 Like I said, I could understand the reason behind him not telling his wife. I still think it's inexcusable (since he doesn't live in a country where homosexuals are regularly killed), but I understand that he would most likely face societal rejection and loss of respect. Personally I still don't like it (because "being afraid of rejection" is no excuse for cheating imo, and he is basically temporarily sparing himself by harming and betraying his wife instead), but it is what it is. However he didn't even tell OP!!! The one he is secretly seeing! He has no "excuse" for proposing to him before letting him know he's already married! If he wanted to date OP secretly for a while to affirm his decisions, he should have made sure OP agreed to it, not asked him to MARRY him without even letting him know! No, the fiancé is just a complete all-around asshole. He is cheating on and betraying two people at the same time.
As a gay man myself, I completely agree with #32. He wasn't just lying to his wife, but to his boyfriend/fiancee/the OP, too. That being said, even though I don't know anyone involved in the situation, I hope he does eventually earn their forgiveness though. It'll be hard, but possible.
Everything could be complicated. Maybe he wanted to reveal his marriage later to his partner but was afraid that the fact he was "lying" all the way could end the relationship that became so valuable for him. I have a high faith for people so that's how I thought things were. Of course, if he did it on purpose and was having sex / relationship / etc with both his wife and his new partner he is a total dick and couldn't be forgiven. But yet again when I've read this FML I didn't think of the situation the way most commenters here are.
#64, physical intimacy does not always equal a relationship. To some people, even emotionally swaying (as in becoming ENGAGED to someone ELSE) is actually considered cheating as well, whether they've been physical or not. There's not much faith to be had for this man considering he not only cheated on his wife, but wronged poor OP as well. Two people have had their hearts broken over this foolish man and his very, very foolish decisions.