Kids: Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd...

By DENTALITY - 23/05/2015 11:06 - Norway

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 3 641

Kids

Stop talking!

The Psychopath Test

You're my mommy now

Stay classy

By chattyloz - 07/02/2013 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 816

You deserved it 39 752

By JCC - 18/05/2011 10:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 406

You deserved it 13 026

By NotoriousSRJ - 28/01/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 880

You deserved it 4 283

By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 707

You deserved it 1 853

By Application - 28/07/2015 20:44 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 660

You deserved it 2 089

By Me - 07/03/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 455

You deserved it 2 586

By englishtrio - 18/04/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 107

You deserved it 3 565

Two-way street

By misspukesalot - 14/07/2020 14:02

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 125

By ac19k - 22/03/2016 02:34 - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 278

By Hahamaster333 - 28/03/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 788

You deserved it 74 948

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 756

You deserved it 5 364

By broken down and flat broke - 17/04/2016 14:41 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I had the lovely experience of witnessing a tow truck cause a couple thousand dollars' worth of damage to my broken-down car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 755

You deserved it 1 333

Not so normal, no

By grossedoutgirlfriend - 04/10/2019 14:00

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 183

You deserved it 309

By bad date - 13/06/2012 04:42 - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 273

You deserved it 3 709

By Sariitaa_fml - 18/11/2017 19:00

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 793

You deserved it 1 475

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 30/10/2016 11:09 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, an old man, while I was working, asked me to spell average-length words. Confused, I refused. Turns out I was apparently taking too long counting the large amount of small change he'd given to me, and he assumed I couldn't count or spell. I study law, and I've learned basic calculus. Welcome to retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 729

You deserved it 977

By anonymous - 01/02/2016 06:07 - Canada

Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 965

You deserved it 1 443

By vividrabbit - 12/07/2009 13:29 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 4 976

Reverse Uno card

By BlackCheetah101 - 04/11/2009 06:51 - Australia

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 366

You deserved it 9 874

By Anonymous - 21/05/2014 16:05 - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 791

You deserved it 4 358

By SadManKillMeNow - 25/05/2019 22:00

Today, after deactivating my Facebook page 4 days ago for stalking reasons - as in me stalking my ex - I reactivated it for approximately 3 minutes to see what his status update was, then deactivated it again. I'm just THAT pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 2 771

By kiwi - 11/11/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 586

You deserved it 11 457

By Congrats to me - 24/05/2014 23:57 - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 646

You deserved it 4 130

By damn cats - 12/08/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 30/08/2014 15:14 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 059

You deserved it 3 299

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 657

You deserved it 8 124

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 949

You deserved it 3 018

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 459

You deserved it 5 422

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 275

You deserved it 4 406

Barf!

By TPelekakis - 08/06/2016 17:01 - United States - Kingsport

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 710

You deserved it 1 021

By dorrisdoes - 28/07/2014 20:47 - New Zealand

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 255

You deserved it 10 131

Poor old Truffles

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 00:30

Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 82

By Chelstable - 02/08/2016 17:57

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 637

You deserved it 1 474

The money is still yours

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 14:01

Today, after I took extra shifts to be able take the woman I loved out for special weekend, she dumped me and now I'm working extra shift for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 20/08/2010 18:40 - United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 790

You deserved it 3 141

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 472

You deserved it 7 682

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 3 361

By unitywoods - 27/03/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 256

You deserved it 4 843

By Brook363 - 27/05/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 689

You deserved it 3 091

By firebombtimEFUCKERS - 29/09/2012 16:32 - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 382

You deserved it 1 703

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Top comments

SinfulTragedy 19

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:02

Future businessman.

theTravinator 21

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:01

I think he misunderstood the meaning of "money shot"

theTravinator 21

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:01

I think he misunderstood the meaning of "money shot"

PePziNL 20

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Monday 25 May 2015 3:01

If you're old enough to know what a money shot is and you still believe in the tooth fairy, you have a problem. Or a destroyed childhood.

SinfulTragedy 19

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:02

Future businessman.

milehigh52 22

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:17

The kid is a genius. He knows his teeth will come back so he won't be toothless for long. OP should be proud.

kdgsmiley 23

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Sunday 24 May 2015 8:16

Those bills ain't gonna pay themselves...

daken96 21

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Sunday 24 May 2015 10:07

Just hope he misses the adult teeth. Tooth fairies know the difference!

devildog562 33

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:04

The way the inflation rate is going for lost teeth with kids these day , I can see he is making good money.

tiggerlover100 27

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:05

Resourceful, I like it. This kid is going places, probably the dentist. But still he's going places.

Nathan_Henry 15

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:05

This kid is going places and the dentist is one of them

nesteremily 31

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:05

Your kid is going places.

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 24 May 2015 22:32

All three posted in the exact same minute so cut them some slack.. Great minds think alike after all.

jmigs17 19

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:07

Too bad Garth ganked the tooth fairy.

gallifreyanqueen 10

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Monday 25 May 2015 21:22

I understood that reference!

weswheatley 14

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:12

I think he might be on to something there

russfml 31

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Sunday 24 May 2015 15:03

You tie the knot, I'll slam the door

Pizzapiggy1 18

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:14

Next time, don't lie to your children about mythical creatures

CommentKing207 23

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Sunday 24 May 2015 6:15

Depends on his age.. If he's little tell him that's not what you do. If he's like 10 through 12-13 then tell him to go do chores if he wants money

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 4

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 1 181

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 177

Stay classy

Two-way street

Not so normal, no

Reverse Uno card

Barf!

Poor old Truffles

The money is still yours

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