Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit." It seems like my manager is maximizing his time like never before. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML
Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML
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Top comments
Lalala579121 28
I hope you transcribed it.
worldclassrager 41
Making the best of his time...
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Comments (17)
hope1103 20
That sounds like a really shitty situation
Anonymousbeing 15
That pun is REALLY getting old and is VERY annoying. Please stop.
mariri9206 32
I think it's funny but, then again, I love puns, even if they're overused. Also, it's pointless to get so butthurt (pun actually NOT intended) about the same old shit (pun slightly intended) on a website like FML - just saying.
BestOrginalName 22
#2 - don't you know it is FML tradition to contribute one of these puns to all poop-related FMLs?
Lalala579121 28
I hope you transcribed it.
ragnarok1540 39
Now you know why the tape recorder was sticky ...
julianna5782 12
that's ******* gross, man.
ezrocks4u 29
I hope you got that, it was the most important part of the memo! "On the importance of saving time"
worldclassrager 41
Making the best of his time...
Shadowvoid 33
I do dictation for my father, who is a doctor, and I still have yet to deal with this.
GrumpyGrinch 23
Thats when you write in the transcript "Shit happens"
donutcallmethat 16
I think it's unreasonable to expect an employee to listen to you poop. If he does it again, I would try to record the conversation and keep it as blackmail material. Not for money, just in case you want to quit with a splash.
mariri9206 32
Except there's no conversation about it. OP is transcribing their bosses notes and their boss is likely not in the room while OP is doing so. Yes, it is unprofessional of their boss to not pause the recording if they know they're activities while their speaking into a recorder will make noise instead of being silent and, yeah, it is unprofessional in general, noise or not, but, either way, blackmail or going so far to record a conversation about it or your idea in general is unresonable. If OP is really that uncomfortable with it, then they should have an uncomfortable conversation with their boss and ask them to maybe not record their thoughts while they use the restroom. Talk to them about it first or, if you think a conversation about it would be too uncomfortable and may end poorly for you, then just ignore it and act like you don't know a thing about it.
DannyDizzle 8
Make your boss a shit sandwich and tell him eat it next time you see him.
rockydify 22
How is that impromptu?