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The all-time greatest FMLs

Venting

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 19:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend, who absolutely would never cheat on me because she’s been cheated on in the past and knows how much it hurts, has not one but two boyfriends on the side, who know about each other and do occasional threesomes. Lying bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 156

Mission impossible

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 12:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my manager forced me to call the guy she fired a few weeks ago, and grovel shamelessly to him to come back to work, and that I'd better convince him to return, or else. The problem is, not only does he hate my manager's guts, he's now working a godsend job in Japan, which pays 4 times as much, and gave him a car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 91

Oh no!

By fml - 19/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, the ethernet cable that I'd waited so long for arrived. I have been gaming on the stupidly unstable wifi for months and finally I thought my life would be saved. Then it turns out that the ethernet port isn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 238

Don't know, don't care

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 00:00

Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 179

The house always wins

By Rhayne - 23/07/2023 05:00 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I discovered my husband hadn't stopped his dangerous gambling habit, even though he'd promised to stop after I caught him the first time two months ago. I'm hurt, sad, confused, and angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 147

Green fingers

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 07:30

Today, my friends and family staged an intervention for me. Of course, I assumed it was a result of my raging alcoholism. Nope. It was due to my obsession with buying plants. They were deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 196

Not so Easy Rider

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 10:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I put the key in my motorcycle but there was no power, so I pushed it to the road and tried to roll-start it down the hill. Pushed back up the hill. Jump started it and took off. Had to push it back up the hill. I change the battery to find out that the electrics are shorted out. I don't have another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 147

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 01:00 - Philippines

Today, my Dad found out that like anime and I that actually collect anime figurines. I wanted to hide my hobbies from my parents, but he found out. Luckily he didn't mind the fact that I have this kind of hobby, but he went on to share the fact that I have "this kind of hobby" to our relatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 338

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 171

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 359

Hurry up!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 02:02

Today, my wife told me not to rush her during packing for our upcoming move. She's lived in the house for 30 years and apparently needs to reminisce over every single item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 314

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 151

Autobodyshaming

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 16:59

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 564

Life doesn't imitate art

By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 10:59 - France

Today, I realized I hate my life now. Everything changed. My friends changed. I don't like Paris. It's cold and lonely. It's nothing like Emily in Paris. I'm overstressed with uni and my future. I want a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 554

Pseudoscience [gone sexual!!]

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went to a chiropractor and got a membership just because I was desperate to be touched by a man after being single for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 335

Melting man

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 258

Racketeering

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 20:00 - United States - Isle

Today, I woke up to the most excruciating pain in my jaw. No dentist that takes my insurance has any openings, and the one doctor I can see to get antibiotics isn’t in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 113

Time for tinnitus

By Anonymous - 11/11/2022 18:00 - United States - Cecil

Today, my roommate shouted his entire part of the conversation at the dinner table. He refuses to get his hearing checked, nor lower his voice, so now my ears hurt for the rest of the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 111

Impatient fish

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 08:00 - Australia

Today, two of my daughter's fish died after owning them for a year. Yesterday I spent $400 on a new bigger fish tank so that they would be happier. I built the stand, set it up, and got everything running. All I had to do was let it run for a week so that the pH would be fine for them, and then move them across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 172

Eww! Cleanliness!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 479

Bad trip

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, I had to accept that my anxiety affects me 24/7, even when while I'm sleeping. I genuinely can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream after falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 117

Heavy duty

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 12:00

Today, my husband has destroyed 4 mattresses in 6 years, not through accidental fires or anything, not even through vigorous sex, it’s just that his 24-stone bulk crushes the springs, wears divots in the memory foam, and eventually splits the fabric so the stuffing leaks out. Every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 221

Been around the world and I I I, I can't find my suitcase

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 16:00

Today, I arrived home after taking one airplane from A to B. My luggage never made it on the plane with me, and now the airline is looking for it. One plane and still lost my suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 108

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 1 213

Guilt

By subconscious karen - 23/05/2021 17:01

Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 200

Decisions, decisions

By Aboulomania - 05/08/2022 06:00

Today, I learned that there is an actual medical term for having trouble making decisions of any kind. I'm not sure if I should feel understood because I know it's an actual disorder, or be angry that people still believe it's fake when I show it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 230

Hit the road Jack

By Denise - 03/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Palm Beach

Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 121

The Secret

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 19:00

Today, I have a girlfriend. Our moms are best friends. Our dads are best friends. Our younger siblings are best friends. Our grandparents have known each other for 70 years. I hate my girlfriend. I have hundreds of texts proving she’s a cheating whore, but I feel trapped by our families' happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 232

Weird request

By EpicOracle - 14/10/2022 18:00

Today, after being apart for three months, my fiancée said the only way she'll take me back is if I send her some of the pictures we took on our first date. I deleted everything when I thought we'd never work out again, so it probably might not work out again, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 469

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 134

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The Top

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 465

Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 2 284

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 53

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 758

You deserved it 1 168

Today, as a waiter, I was bringing drinks to a table that included a 3-month-old baby. I accidentally spilled a beer on the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 967

You deserved it 1 078

Today, my coworker was talking about how he fixed his broken marriage and how his wife adores him. I asked for his advice, since mine has been rough. He started talking about God and Christianity and how religion showed him the path. Uhh... nope, I think I'll stick with things the way they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 317