Work: Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday...

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

By FML Team

FML (h)ate kids

Not our kids, but we hate kids. For example, today we were in the library, checking out Tinkerbell's biography, when what we thought...

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By prince-charming / Saturday 7 November 2009 10:12 / Kuwait

Work

Taking stock

Commando

Sorry…

By Dude - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

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32545

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4139

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42173

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7346

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By Moving On - United States

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24505

You deserved it

9492

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By Olive14

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22995

You deserved it

7315

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By Misspoopypants

Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5152

You deserved it

346

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By DumbLackofLuck - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28745

You deserved it

8931

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34040

You deserved it

16561

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By no_service - United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49542

You deserved it

6977

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 11:01

Intrusive thoughts

Today, in a seminar held by my country's government and the UN, I suddenly realized how stupid the reason for my recent breakup was. So, I ran out of the hall under the stares of over a hundred people and started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

563

You deserved it

370

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By HappilyNeverAfter - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46676

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5242

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By Soline - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35091

You deserved it

8956

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks

56634

You deserved it

3533

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By blah - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66767

You deserved it

3796

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By Sean - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7226

You deserved it

53624

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By Sad and hungry - 25/4/2020 17:00

Tasty!

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1806

You deserved it

209

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By annonymous - United States

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36215

You deserved it

2693

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By awkwardparents - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23725

You deserved it

4150

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 05:00

Egg mode

Today, my house cleaner discovered I cross-dress as she was cleaning. She found the pretty nightgowns I wear to bed and other items. Now she wants extra money or she will make my cross dressing public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1034

You deserved it

282

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By Anonymous

It's the new thing!

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1321

You deserved it

967

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By dannij08 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7410

You deserved it

43262

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By violatedinden - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

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45435

You deserved it

2390

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By fatman - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39649

You deserved it

11764

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By my kid! - 24/10/2020 14:02 - United States

QAnon weirdoes

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1978

You deserved it

109

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 21:30

Turbulence

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

681

You deserved it

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By Poorlittlelady - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3011

You deserved it

618

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By Mayrose125

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9684

You deserved it

765

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By SupermarketSally - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9163

You deserved it

578

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61037

You deserved it

3437

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By peter - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47647

You deserved it

2971

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By ohno - United States

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36182

You deserved it

7023

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By RectalSteve - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3468

You deserved it

272

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By Anoymous - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54537

You deserved it

3660

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14367

You deserved it

76298

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31062

You deserved it

2950

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11093

You deserved it

38851

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By TLT - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43268

You deserved it

5807

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By breakfast tea - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8687

You deserved it

28466

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65894

You deserved it

8845

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By Casey - France

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88082

You deserved it

4185

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By Hate2Date - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

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47536

You deserved it

8158

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#659476 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:51

But the Prince had lots of money, so all the "princesses" found him Charming enough.

"Stop being dandy, showing me you're handsome"

By papadugg | 0

#659513 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:01

Kids are really literal~probably thought narrator meant "Prince Handsome". Follow it up with "was the Prince Charming?" and you'd get a "YES!"

COMMENTS

By perdix | 29

#659476 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:51

But the Prince had lots of money, so all the "princesses" found him Charming enough.

"Stop being dandy, showing me you're handsome"

blackie123 | 0

#659487 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:54

good song ^.^

boredperson | 0

#664935 - Wednesday 11 November 2009 2:20

dude kids don't have raging hormones like the rest of us, also, who are you, a serial molester, to care about what kids think.

MissyWissyKach | 0

#763986 - Saturday 9 January 2010 15:11

i think the picture was cute :]

gwinsdavineraven | 0

#764680 - Saturday 9 January 2010 20:48

It's just a story so calm down...
Asshole

e3r4 | 0

#766172 - Sunday 10 January 2010 17:13

yeah dude. don't have to be a dick.

LOLSMILEYFACE331 | 0

#771251 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 2:44

Who cares.!!!? LITTLE KIDS ARE SO BLUNT..

WorldCupCheer | 0

#1000293 - Friday 21 May 2010 7:37

oh come on op they're 5

thatonek1d | 0

#1033334 - Thursday 17 June 2010 7:12

not an fml. ydi for playing a charcter who is nearly as big a douche as that bieber chick/guy. lol I type in bieber on my iPod and it change it to norbert

Celesta | 11

#1191955 - Thursday 5 August 2010 5:09

Yay an illustrated FML from Kuwait! ;p

By velvel | 7

#659479 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:51

kids don't lie! too bad but... you'll live.

deathmajestic | 0

#766282 - Sunday 10 January 2010 18:50

oh yes they do

Tigg3r | 3

#766408 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:23

oh god kids lie so much that they are telling the truth within a lie. Confusing aint it?

CarryOnAgainx | 0

#766654 - Sunday 10 January 2010 22:52

Ehh, you got "Kids don't lie!" from Shane Dawson.

Remegy | 3

#842653 - Thursday 11 February 2010 0:30

Nope; Shade Dawson got that from him DUH!

zmed | 0

#864966 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 9:22

uuuhhhh...what? since when?

By Starfire22 | 5

#659500 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:57

even little kidsare repulsed by you!!

By f_me247 | 0

#659503 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:58

YDI for not being charming.

analo_fml | 8

#764931 - Saturday 9 January 2010 23:56

who said he wasn't charming? you mean being handsome?

By papadugg | 0

#659513 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:01

Kids are really literal~probably thought narrator meant "Prince Handsome". Follow it up with "was the Prince Charming?" and you'd get a "YES!"

sezza1987 | 0

#765829 - Sunday 10 January 2010 11:38

kids aren't stupid, they would have understood

Lim23 | 0

#856531 - Monday 15 February 2010 2:42

You'll be surprised...

By papahmarioulez | 0

#659565 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:20

to the OP, if you really care enough about what 5 year olds think about the way you look, then your messed up

bartmasta | 0

#659699 - Saturday 7 November 2009 21:43

this

fatraptorjesus13 | 9

#2954672 - Saturday 23 July 2011 1:03

I'd care more about 5 year olds cause they're honest, Ppl older than middle school lie to hurt you so he's not messed up

By erowlyn | 0

#659715 - Saturday 7 November 2009 21:55

ouch fml indeed

By Mortanious | 0

#659725 - Saturday 7 November 2009 21:59

YDI for letting 5 year olds get to you, grow some balls bitch

franfran_fml | 0

#777161 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:22

They probably didn't really care about what the kid said, they were just trying to get their story on FML, so calm down man.

Mr_Tuff_Guy | 0

#792796 - Saturday 23 January 2010 8:44

Ahahaha!

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#659738 - Saturday 7 November 2009 22:06

Hahaha!!! Come on! They are kids. You are acting like a 5 year old yourself if you let it get to you :D

By gpstyne | 0

#659749 - Saturday 7 November 2009 22:13

you'll live