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The all-time greatest FMLs

Collect the set

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 12:00

Today, some spider must have had babies somewhere in the walls, because every five minutes I seem to find yet another spider on my ceiling, in my cupboards, under the furniture, everywhere. I’m so fed up of smashing them, I’m thinking of getting the house fumigated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 146

Make up your mind

By Anonymous - 14/05/2023 22:00

Today, since we work out of town, my MIL told me she was going to come see the kids before we left. Then she completely ghosted me the entire day, but tells everyone in the family I never let her visit us. I'm the only adult who puts any effort into the relationship, but everyone is on her side because she’s “stressed”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 111

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 21:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I'm broker than ever. I work a full time job but I STILL can't afford basic adult necessities. My mom keeps asking me to pay a bill that I can't afford (and has nothing to do with her) but she's been opening my mail, and questions my unpaid bills. I'm 36 and I can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 253

Escape plan

By Lost Reggie - 27/12/2023 17:00 - United States - Conway

Today, my wife of 22 years moved 2000 miles away to start a new job. She applied in October and never told me. I've never cheated on or abused her, she just said she wanted a new life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 156

Oi bruv, you 'avin' a laugh?

By Anonymous - 28/01/2022 07:59 - United Kingdom

Today, as the shop is right round the corner, and I couldn’t be arsed changing, I kept my boob tube on under my jacket. Of course, at the shop, I slipped on spilled water and as I went down the tube came down as well, and I ended up lying there with my tits out for a group of teenagers to laugh at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 522

Don't know, don't care

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 00:00

Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 176

It isn't

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 16:02

Today, it's my birthday, none of my friends wished me a thing. I spent the whole day crying and then decided to call few of them and sobbingly demanded an explanation. Most of them didn't pick up, the rest called me a drama queen, saying that my birthday isn't as important as I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 803

Like what you see?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 654

Fate, up against your will

By Gerry - 03/01/2021 17:03

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 116

Family portrait

By a816090 - 26/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend sent a picture of me posing with our dog to his family via a group text. Along with our 25" bong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 339

Noped out of there

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 16:00

Today, we found a tarantula type spider in our shed so big it could only have been someone’s escaped pet. This thing was so big, even my husband said, "NOPE!" In the end, we used our neighbour's crossbow to kill, it because I think it grew that big by eating dogs and small horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 255

Sounds lovely

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, at our kid's extracurricular, my ex, with whom I have been fighting for our child for ten years, casually admitted that his preferred murder weapon is an axe. This is surprisingly in character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 166

Lookalikes

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 13:58 - Germany - Bruchsal

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 97

Barely legal

By I work for an idiot - 30/06/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me, and only me, to leave work before I was done because I'm a minor and he can't have me sticking around at work as long as I do. I'm not a minor. My coworkers are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 106

HOA blues

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 02:00

Today, a neighbor chose today of all days to drop off her junk in front of my condo/apartment. My relative owns and I rent. I got a letter from a different neighbor, stating that if I continue this egregious behavior of using my apartment as a trash dumpster, she will be forced to report me to the HOA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 192

Jingle bells

By anomynous - 03/12/2020 11:01

Today, I woke up with my period. At least I'm getting into the Christmas spirit with red and green shorts, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 142

Paper trail

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 05:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my family got mad at me for installing toilet paper going under instead of over. Considering I'm the only one who fills the empty spool, I thought that it wouldn't matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 426

It's a pillow soft for my neck

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, while tucking my toddler in bed and telling her I love her, she responded with, "And I love your bouncy castle belly!" I know I'm overweight, but I didn't think I was that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 227

Flushed

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 03:00

Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 106

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 20:01

Today, I drove 4 hours to see a girl I’ve been messaging with for months. Her friends came along for everything. I opted to sleep in my car, and go fishing alone. I didn’t know the river was near a nuclear power plant, so I’m probably sterile now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 413

Stop that now

By Soo - 24/12/2020 08:04 - Spain - Archidona

Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 276

Some friends you've got there

By Anonymous - 25/05/2020 14:00

Today, I got my commissioned anime portrait done. One of my friends commented on why all my commissions are skinny look-alikes, when I'm really fat in real life and active in body positivity. Then everyone started agreeing with her, stating that if I was so happy with who I am, why my art is of me slim? FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 1 954

Been there, done that

By lukey101 - 14/08/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I finally got home after driving solo for 4 full days across Australia. I left my house keys where I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 256

Itchy or stinky

By Boyufd - 19/07/2022 16:00

Today, I have two options: 1. Use powder deodorant and don't have body odor for at least two days but get a rash, or 2. Use non powder deodorant without aluminium and not get a rash but get body odor the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 133

Over unready

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 08:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I finally found our big casserole in the attic. Once the food was all nicely layered into it, I realized why it had been in the attic. It doesn't actually fit into our standard-sized oven. By a few millimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 288

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 27/12/2022 12:00

Today, I got new meds for my OCD. If I don't take them at 8 a.m. every morning with a full meal, I won't sleep for 3 days. Goodbye lay ins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 194

Routine

By Sad grandson - 10/07/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, it's been a month since my grandma passed away. Up until that point, I'd been visiting her regularly to make sure she was doing okay, and to get out of the house for a change. Now that she's gone, I have one less reason to leave the house. My life is even more dull than before. I want to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 130

Happy Caturday

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 04:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cat got sprayed by a skunk for the fifth time in two years. He still loves to chase skunks, and gets sprayed every time he does. The putrid scent doesn’t seem to bother him at all, either. Every night, he normally pushes himself up against my face and nose. It’s gonna be a long, restless smelly few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 252

It's not unusual

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 305

I don't!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 22:00

Today, I'm being forced to keep an eye on my cousin, who is getting married in the morning. He’s tried to marry his fiancé before and chickened out at the altar. For some reason she forgave him and now the bride's mother has made it my job to watch him like a hawk until after the "I Do-s", or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 102

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The Top

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 478

You deserved it 2 994

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 022

You deserved it 7 515

Today, my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 660

You deserved it 546

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 916

You deserved it 7 371

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 119

You deserved it 29 712

Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 108