By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 08:01

Karen strikes again

Today, at work as a manager at pizza place, I got yelled by a customer because they got one fewer paper plates than they asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

687

You deserved it

Favorite

Work

Food

Late term

Out of it

Peaky Bladders

By ctop - United States

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39363

You deserved it

8402

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45380

You deserved it

8445

Favorite

By GrossedOutKary - Puerto Rico

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks

39807

You deserved it

3381

Favorite

By whoawhoawhoa - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32419

You deserved it

4940

Favorite

By workerbee

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1428

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By happyeffingbday202 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62907

You deserved it

5251

Favorite

By sunshinexx - Australia

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19782

You deserved it

4329

Favorite

By missmolliss - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28075

You deserved it

3357

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9201

You deserved it

31602

Favorite

By Hayley

Bad Luck Brian

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5016

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20903

You deserved it

53232

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35653

You deserved it

2678

Favorite

By GD - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

298248

You deserved it

67228

Favorite

By mew - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39090

You deserved it

3211

Favorite

By SariLone - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45885

You deserved it

8663

Favorite

By skywayavenue - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12177

You deserved it

99412

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32280

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

By heart-broken - Australia

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74752

You deserved it

8715

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 08:01

Self-own

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

942

You deserved it

Favorite

By time to put you down, gran - United States

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27767

You deserved it

4681

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29897

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11916

You deserved it

31428

Favorite

By Elle - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32416

You deserved it

22311

Favorite

By Tressa95 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4571

You deserved it

291

Favorite

By Devotedmom - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23961

You deserved it

3090

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59276

You deserved it

4425

Favorite

By nuberific - Canada

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58205

You deserved it

3478

Favorite

By kris - United States

Today, my mom let it slip that she was divorcing my dad. After making me promise to keep it from him and my little sisters, she had me help her with her plans to renovate the house. She intends to kick him out once it's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33720

You deserved it

2742

Favorite

By Sprinkles - Australia

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32824

You deserved it

2711

Favorite

By HDCkid - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18544

You deserved it

62816

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45909

You deserved it

6887

Favorite

By sambo99 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37528

You deserved it

3255

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3127

You deserved it

504

Favorite

By livay315 - United States

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

74781

You deserved it

4102

Favorite

By Anonymous - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23819

You deserved it

8001

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28398

You deserved it

3137

Favorite

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38725

You deserved it

4050

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23124

You deserved it

2719

Favorite

By ForeverEmbarrassed - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44569

You deserved it

4344

Favorite

By not a jesse pinkman joke - United States - Princeton

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34891

You deserved it

2535

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7972280 - Wednesday 17 February 2021 16:05

That's why you get paid the big bucks!

Now, you have to organize a training session for counting for your dumb employees.

By Seeya55 | 31

#7972384 - Thursday 18 February 2021 2:15

Woah there Satan, how dare you.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7972280 - Wednesday 17 February 2021 16:05

That's why you get paid the big bucks!

Now, you have to organize a training session for counting for your dumb employees.

By Seeya55 | 31

#7972384 - Thursday 18 February 2021 2:15

Woah there Satan, how dare you.