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The all-time greatest FMLs

Laissez-faire capitalism

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 11:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 234

Heavy duty

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 22:00

Today, I bled through a tampon and pad in half an hour. When changing them, I somehow managed to streak blood across the bathroom floor, like a small creature was murdered and dragged. I have never menstruated this hard before in my life. Anyone know how to get blood out of white grout? Not asking for a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 127

Workers of the world, unionize

By Labcat - 04/12/2021 14:00 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have a great union job and have told my friends about it. I recently received three calls from a very irate person, blaming me for, "stealing their workers by telling them about 'union BS'." I literally can't find their company anywhere, but they claim they will sue me. I don't even know who they are! FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 127

TLC FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 22:00

Today, the person I was seeing dumped me over text because I “cared too much” and it gave them anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 131

Private Catholic school?

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 23:01

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 247

No job for you

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 07:59

Today, I had a virtual interview for my dream job. Prepared as f**k. One of the interviewers turned out to be my ex, who I dumped for being too dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 537

Gatekeeping

By My eyes and ears - 20/08/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 643

Beware what you wish for

By germified - 08/09/2021 17:01

Today, my kids and I have been ecstatic about them being back in school. After a year on Zoom, they couldn’t wait to get back into the classroom because every day they bring home something new and interesting. This time, they brought home a cold so bad it’s knocked me flat on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 171

Violence is never the answer

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 716

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 19:58 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my entire family was diagnosed with COVID. My son's school decided I was well enough to homeschool him on Zoom all day. My head feels like it’s going to explode and all I want to do is sleep. Did I mention my ADHD son has no symptoms? FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 188

Most likely

By lukey101 - 11/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 121

Hazardous waste

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I was taking a relaxing soak in the tub with my essential oils, when my husband walked in and proceeded to take the most foul-smelling dump ever. The toilet is right next to the bathtub, so my essential oils didn’t stand a chance. Besides that, our house has four other bathrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 170

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 02:00

Today, I have a massive paradox on my hands. My doctor told me to stop drinking so much tea to combat my sleeplessness, and it worked. Until now. I went to the doctor again to figure out why it suddenly stopped working, and she told me the reason I can't sleep now is because I have caffeine withdrawal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 197

Peace and quiet

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 18:00

Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 229

Contact tracing

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 259

Helping hand

By Betriz - 14/08/2023 06:00

Today, I walked in on my live-in sister masturbating my husband. He currently has injuries on both arms and they’re both in a cast. She told me he was “horny” and needed to “take some pressure off” so she wanted to “help” because she "was home at the time.” They both seriously see nothing wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 157

Accidentally?

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 14:00

Today, my brother sprayed the entire kitchen, including all the dishes, with industrial strength spray adhesive, thinking it was disinfectant. I'm the one who got to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 81

**** you, Susan

By Anonymous - 04/12/2022 10:00

Today, I washed all the dishes that had been piling in the sink over the week, and set them in the drying rack before I left for school. I came home to see that my dad’s girlfriend had put them back into the sink, along with her dirty dishes. She told me to re-wash them. Why? “They didn’t smell clean.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 126

The one where they all bore my **** off

By new topic please! - 11/01/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend doesn’t understand why I don’t care too much for his friend group. He’s pretty mid, but the rest of them are hardcore republicans. It’s not their beliefs that get me, it’s the fact that they’re completely incapable of talking about anything other than politics. I’m so bored! FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 341

Great timing

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 18:01 - Australia

Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 124

Alexa, play "I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 06:00

Today, I got home and found my husband passed out, lying in the playpen with our 6 month-old climbing all over him. I don’t know how long he’d been asleep, but her nappy was overflowing and she hadn’t been fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 164

Workers rise up!

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 08:01 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I found out that, despite working 4 part-time jobs, that I will not qualify for maternity leave by my due date with the mandatory 600 hours. I can't get full-time work and I'm 8 months pregnant now. This'll be fun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 197

Be prepared

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 19:58

Today, I'm in Ibiza. My period came early and had nothing but face masks to use as sanitary towels. Then, the closest thing to period knickers I could find was in a souvenir shop, which on the arse reads, "What happens in Ibiza belongs in Ibiza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 326

Badum tish

By Too Bad So Sad - 16/02/2023 06:00 - Canada - London

Today, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (S.A.D.). I already have seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) and depression. That’s a lot of SADness for one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 165

Not your day, is it?

By hiheyaiden - 03/03/2022 23:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mom kept swearing and punished me while I was in an online lesson. I almost got punished by the teacher as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 111

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 416

Capitalists gonna capital

By sick-and-tired - 06/08/2022 15:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I’m fighting a Lyme disease infection. A tick bit me while I was sleeping in bed, gifting me it. I lost 15 lbs in 6 days, and can't work while treating it. I asked for pest control. My slumlord dad owns the place, refuses to fix it up, and told me no. I have no money and now my wife is sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 117

This is America

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 06:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I have only been back at work for one week after elbow surgery, which was followed immediately by hospitalization for diabetic ketoacidosis, which caused a severe flare up of my gout. The hospital bill is over $3,200 with insurance, and I just tested positive for COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 144

Flying Karens

By Anonymous - 14/05/2023 18:00

Today, I had to deal with a grown-ass woman having a tantrum at me because the plane, which she was over an hour late for, dared to set off without her. Yes, DARED TO, as though she thought she was so special that it was reasonable for a plane with hundreds of passengers to wait just for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 99

Right in the kidneys

By still single - 28/07/2021 22:01

Today, after spending three weeks in the hospital for a kidney infection, I found out the girl I have been dating now has a girlfriend. I guess that’s why she couldn’t visit me this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 81

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The Top

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 628

You deserved it 1 527

Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve the problem, the water company shut off the neighbourhood's water supply while they fixed his boiler. I am now unable to shower, and I smell like a zoo animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 550

You deserved it 4 167

Today, the girls from my high school still think they are too cool to associate with me. They ignored/avoided me in high school, assuming I was too weird. We could have 96+ mutual followers from our class and I still only get accepted without a follow back. What have they heard about me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 536

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 2 328

Today, my new couch was delivered. As the delivery guys left, I came back into the living room and noticed a bad but familiar smell. I turned the couch cushions over to discover that my cat had already claimed it as her personal litter tray. The return policy doesn’t cover "cat defilement." FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 472

Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 190