Today, my neighbour decided to get high while leaving his bathtub running, resulting in passing out and starting a flood in the hallways. FML
Today, I found out that my wife of ten years is still deeply in love with her first crush from before she met me. Now I'm starting to wonder whether her first time was really with me, as mine was with her. FML
Today, my husband ranted about how children are awful, and parents who claim they love their kids are complete liars, and if everyone admitted that we hated our kids and resented them for existing, there’d be a lot more happy childless couples. We don’t even have kids for him to hate this much. WTF? FML
Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML
Today, I'm 26-year-old woman and I've never had a date for Valentine's Day, never been on a date, or received flowers. This pandemic makes me think I never will. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend was a kid, she enjoyed torturing animals for fun. Nice to know she was lying when she said the idea of harming an animal “makes her sick to her stomach.” FML
Today, I have a massive paradox on my hands. My doctor told me to stop drinking so much tea to combat my sleeplessness, and it worked. Until now. I went to the doctor again to figure out why it suddenly stopped working, and she told me the reason I can't sleep now is because I have caffeine withdrawal. FML
Today, I was having a chuckle at the girl who used to torment me since she’s on her fourth marriage. Then I realized she’s gotten four handsome, rich men to marry her, while I’m still hopelessly single and haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. FML
Today, the night before an exam, I found out my boyfriend of one and a half years was cheating on me with a girl who has the same name as me. Not only that, I ended up consoling her for hours as she cried over him. FML
Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML
Today, I met the most amazing man ever, we were surrounded by a bunch of pretty women, but he picked me. He was so romantic and sweet, and when we were about 2 weeks into the relationship, I wanted to introduce him to my mom, when I woke up and it was all a dream. FML
Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML
Today, I have a great union job and have told my friends about it. I recently received three calls from a very irate person, blaming me for, "stealing their workers by telling them about 'union BS'." I literally can't find their company anywhere, but they claim they will sue me. I don't even know who they are! FML
Today, I realised I fit the stereotype of a lonely, bored housewife when I was more turned on by the plumber fixing the boiler than I have been by my husband in at least a year. FML
Today, the person I was seeing dumped me over text because I “cared too much” and it gave them anxiety. FML
Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML
Today, I was let go by a job for the second time in less than a month, for the same reason - they couldn’t be bothered to give me any training or feedback. They even said I worked hard and had drive, but the wrong “skill set.” This could have been brought to my attention at the interview. FML
Today, my kids and I have been ecstatic about them being back in school. After a year on Zoom, they couldn’t wait to get back into the classroom because every day they bring home something new and interesting. This time, they brought home a cold so bad it’s knocked me flat on my ass. FML
Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML
Today, I had a virtual interview for my dream job. Prepared as f**k. One of the interviewers turned out to be my ex, who I dumped for being too dumb. FML
Today, I realized anytime I try to say anything, relatives will talk over me, change the subject, or go off on tangents about ancient family history that I don't want to hear for the 1000th time. Yet if I interrupt them once, I'm the bad one. FML
Today, my wife is visiting her nana, which I hate because she comes home full of Catholic guilt, meaning I'll have to spend the next few months wasting my Sunday mornings in church, until her guilt wears off and her normal Sunday morning laziness resumes. FML
Today, I'm in Ibiza. My period came early and had nothing but face masks to use as sanitary towels. Then, the closest thing to period knickers I could find was in a souvenir shop, which on the arse reads, "What happens in Ibiza belongs in Ibiza." FML
Today, I was waiting to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, only to find out after about two hours they had moved out without telling me. FML
Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML
Today, my brother sprayed the entire kitchen, including all the dishes, with industrial strength spray adhesive, thinking it was disinfectant. I'm the one who got to clean it up. FML
Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML
Today, after struggling to get up on time all week at 5 a.m., it's finally my day off, and boom, I'm up exactly at 5 a.m., naturally. No alarm, no struggle. FML
Today, I received an invoice for a plumber call-out. They'd watched me reconnect my own water heater because the heat pump packed up, and the lady on the phone had said no charge. So basically, 690 bucks to use their ladder, when they declined my offer to use my own. FML
Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML
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