FML Video #3

Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML

Health

Videos

Out of it

Night terrors

Gratitude walks

By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 05:00

Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard

1556

162

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

By blame the maid - 13/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Deadly cocktail

1276

113

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 02:03 - United States

18741

34090

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

By Aisu - 8/5/2009 18:14 - United States

55714

3049

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 13:45 - Australia - Brisbane

63457

4279

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

By kiriakousauce21 - 15/2/2010 07:44 - France

11818

32735

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 22:29 - United States

30170

3123

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

By ovawerkrd - 16/1/2011 17:30 - United Kingdom

25864

2725

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

By maggu - 11/2/2013 04:26 - Denmark

31069

7373

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

By Grant Williams - 7/5/2019 17:37

1167

768

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

By liz - 21/6/2009 21:26 - United States

44098

15129

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 17:39 - United States

25949

54123

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

By Anonymous - 26/1/2012 04:18 - United States

39455

4083

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

By B-rent - 18/3/2011 16:10 - United States

35913

7044

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

By princess - 17/3/2009 05:06 - Canada

151548

40494

Today, my brother announced his engagement. I'm going to be the Maid of Honor. My ex, who told me after five years of dating that he didn't believe in marriage, is going to be the Best Man. I get to walk down the aisle with him. FML

By Username - 29/5/2019 12:15

1862

139

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

By footfood - 27/6/2011 14:56 - Slovenia

74078

7698

Today, after cancelling work, arguing with my family, scrambling to pack my bags, speeding to the airport and filling in immigration forms to fly out to have a much needed holiday, I wasn't allowed to check in. My passport has less than 6 months away from expiration on it. Yes, that's a thing, apparently. FML

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 06:00 - Australia

The devil is in the details

1269

1140

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

By Anonymous - 23/8/2017 23:15

1971

2786

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

By retard99 - 21/3/2010 04:04 - Canada

10289

53040

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years old, and have since misplaced it. FML

By Ugh - 20/9/2011 10:07 - United States

30206

6747

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

By tuck87 - 18/7/2014 15:49 - Canada - Toronto

40737

5373

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

By Ibrowtheedge - 16/8/2018 20:30

2286

443

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

By Rae - 2/10/2009 21:31 - United States

54141

2780

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

By Danny - 11/11/2012 05:05 - United States - Salt Lake City

25299

3262

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

By bonzo - 22/6/2015 14:41 - Australia - Perth

32731

2666

Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML

By lebowski101 - 3/11/2011 01:45 - Canada

37764

2984

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 08:47 - United Kingdom - Bury

55834

30183

Today, in preparation for a third interview for my dream job, I spent an hour selecting the perfect outfit. I hung everything on my bedroom door and went to shower. My dog decided to play tug-of-war with the clothing and redesign the shoes. The only thing to survive unscathed was the hanger. FML

By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 10:52 - United States

42159

7342

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

By anonymous - 12/12/2011 00:01 - United States

30097

2661

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

By drycleanplz - 21/6/2011 02:33 - Reserved

29512

12794

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 00:30 - Australia - Perth

38054

2980

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

By verbaltodomestic - 8/9/2013 19:31 - United States - La Crosse

21880

110762

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

By Anonymous - 31/5/2012 11:29 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

24061

2531

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 23:59 - United States

32006

5459

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

By nononame - 10/3/2009 04:20 - United States

62031

4151

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

By Anonymous - 8/8/2013 20:20 - United Kingdom - Slough

67807

5019

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

By santa_maria - 25/8/2011 21:45 - Reunion

11176

106328

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

By Anonymous - 4/1/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

25406

2661