By Anonymous - United States - Kennewick Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML I agree, your life sucks 21712 You deserved it 1720 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML I agree, your life sucks 35298 You deserved it 6643 216 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squad - United States - Washington My first time Today, I lost my virginity with my boyfriend. As he was about to cum, I moaned his brother's name. I've never even met his brother and now I'm single. FML I agree, your life sucks 818 You deserved it 2803 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By branded - United States Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML I agree, your life sucks 24412 You deserved it 60481 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By -__- - Canada - Calgary Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML I agree, your life sucks 49714 You deserved it 4543 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML I agree, your life sucks 90281 You deserved it 5811 211 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kkbb - United States Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML I agree, your life sucks 23413 You deserved it 2544 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By grossed the f out Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML I agree, your life sucks 35996 You deserved it 3800 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtfjusthappened - United States - Redmond Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 66604 You deserved it 12963 198 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pinklatina - Canada Today, I fell and fractured my tailbone. I just healed from my last tailbone fracture 4 weeks ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 8379 You deserved it 1357 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By morning_glory - United States - Los Angeles Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 25747 You deserved it 2233 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ewwww - United States Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML I agree, your life sucks 73091 You deserved it 4247 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By u_n0_mE - United States Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML I agree, your life sucks 34331 You deserved it 5249 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MrSlav - 12/11/2020 17:57 - Lithuania - Siauliai Litter Today, I rubbed my heel raw with a new shoe, so I put a bandaid on and went to the pool. A few minutes later, I noticed the bandaid floating close to me. I'm not an ass so I quickly fished it out and put in the pocket of my swimming trunks. Later, I went to shower and noticed that my bandaid was still on my heel. FML I agree, your life sucks 1047 You deserved it 138 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckerman - Canada Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML I agree, your life sucks 65477 You deserved it 4351 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number. FML I agree, your life sucks 12975 You deserved it 59761 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hitintheeye - Canada Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML I agree, your life sucks 36483 You deserved it 17070 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mike - United States Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML I agree, your life sucks 15074 You deserved it 54514 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Surprise Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML I agree, your life sucks 26668 You deserved it 1887 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nasuma Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML I agree, your life sucks 1377 You deserved it 270 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CPN - United States Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML I agree, your life sucks 86217 You deserved it 9086 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Whoops - United States Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML I agree, your life sucks 31747 You deserved it 2009 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pgmonster - United States - San Francisco Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML I agree, your life sucks 29834 You deserved it 5345 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Elizabeh - Canada Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML I agree, your life sucks 31621 You deserved it 3852 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By noneofthesex - United States Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML I agree, your life sucks 48403 You deserved it 12120 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 35261 You deserved it 6054 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Arlington Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML I agree, your life sucks 49834 You deserved it 9979 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nope - 29/3/2020 14:00 Influencers know no bounds Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 2286 You deserved it 138 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Barney - United States Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML I agree, your life sucks 28769 You deserved it 9121 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Soakedandbroke - United States - Houston Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML I agree, your life sucks 22843 You deserved it 1745 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By getting real crafty.. - United States - Sanford Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML I agree, your life sucks 28958 You deserved it 1995 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rachel - United States - Burton Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML I agree, your life sucks 18965 You deserved it 3723 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML I agree, your life sucks 1441 You deserved it 137 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By penisgrabber - United States Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML I agree, your life sucks 36312 You deserved it 7031 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By killmenow - United States - New Orleans Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 38748 You deserved it 14314 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By annoyed - United States - Wyoming Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML I agree, your life sucks 23059 You deserved it 2201 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dudezilla - United States Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML I agree, your life sucks 37163 You deserved it 3838 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jess49 - United States Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML I agree, your life sucks 28234 You deserved it 4792 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML I agree, your life sucks 30343 You deserved it 43948 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By he's mine - United Kingdom - Harpenden Today, I found my sister's wedding book. Inside it was a list of potential grooms; she'd written down all of my ex-boyfriends. And my fiancé. We're getting married in three weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 26816 You deserved it 1861 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s... I agree, your life sucks 329 You deserved it 245 4 Comments
Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how... I agree, your life sucks 298 You deserved it 398 6 Comments