Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we... - FML

By Winchesterlover - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

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Understandable

Ambien conversations are the worst

Workaholic

By { o } - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

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By imaloser - Canada

Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

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By depressed - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

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By foxownerapperantly - Netherlands - Hoorn

Today, an old lady in public transport yelled at me and my dog, called me a liar, and threw her grape soda over me because according to her my pet Shiba Inu was actually a fox, and keeping foxes as pets is illegal. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Tatamagouche

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

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By suspended - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

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By Chase

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

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By TheGreatAndPowerfulDerp - 13/9/2020 05:02

Great move

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. Knowing how much more it would cost in the long run, I handed the officer my license with $300 in cash, "as something to consider for just a warning." He came back with a ticket and verbally warned me that police bribery is a felony. He kept the money. FML

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By OhMyWhitney - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

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By ArtistBlock - United States - Phoenix

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

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By fisted - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 05:00

Abandoned

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

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By nosebleeder - Sweden

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

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By thatsmejl - United States

Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML

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By Wraith - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

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By Kan23 - United States - Altus

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

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By Blondie - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

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By SFra - United States

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

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By kringr - United States

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

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By ygrowup2fast - 23/4/2020 17:00

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

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By kimosabe - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML

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By Pimp-Daddy - Canada

Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after years of waiting, my mom and I finally received a check from Child Support Services. Excited, I opened it up to find a check from my dad, written out for 45 cents. Which pays for maybe half a loaf of bread. FML

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By not sexy anymore - 28/7/2020 05:01

Get on with it!

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

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By Nick - Australia - Sydney

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

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By iGotSkill - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

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By Anonymous

Caddy Shack

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

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By soccerbooty - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

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By asdfBUTT - United States

Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML

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By happytuckerhappy - United States - Chandler

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

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By Dhagiik - United States - Oak Park

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML

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By poopsthegame - United States - Honolulu

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

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By Kat - United States - Tiverton

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

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By Connie - United States

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

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Top comments

By afdude87 | 6

#2049800 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

well, you should have.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2049863 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:47

She's right. Stay in your dance space during Just Dance. That shit gets intense.

COMMENTS

By cowboyy_fml | 0

#2049796 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:20

omg wow

Reply

b182link | 0

#2050577 - Sunday 6 February 2011 5:20

play viva las Vegas and shoot her in the face

Reply

Micayla | 12

#2050586 - Sunday 6 February 2011 5:27

My mom would so do this to me.

Reply

Takador | 3

#2052791 - Sunday 6 February 2011 22:48

i was playing Hot Stuff with my mother and both our hands hit the ceiling fan.

Reply

shhhitsasecret | 0

#2057519 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:43

me and my bro smashed our hands together a few times playin that game. haahh. who knew dancing was so dangerous. aha.

Reply

NavySEAL13 | 0

#2735060 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 7:43

moms are b*tches

Reply

StudMuffinette | 17

#2900370 - Friday 15 July 2011 21:56

ur mom sounds like a real bitch

By XxNinjaDaytonaxX | 0

#2049797 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

ooh that sucks

By ComfortablyNumbb | 0

#2049799 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

Ew wii is stupid

Reply

derpherp | 0

#2049989 - Sunday 6 February 2011 1:36

Nu-uh! Wii is hardcore! It makes families beat each other *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Reply

DVecc | 0

#2052334 - Sunday 6 February 2011 18:36

explain that to the sales figures that beat the ps3 and Xbox 360

now shut the fuck up when your opinion doesn't matter.

Reply

Bobissmall | 13

#2052620 - Sunday 6 February 2011 21:27

The Wii is also a lot cheaper, and appeals to a much wider audience. Personally, i feel that the Wii sucks because i'd prefer a "hard core" gaming console.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2052645 - Sunday 6 February 2011 21:40

Monster Hunter Tri is not casual.

Reply

scarletchamber | 0

#4176691 - Saturday 17 March 2012 5:13

are u fucke up

By afdude87 | 6

#2049800 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

well, you should have.

Reply

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2051009 - Sunday 6 February 2011 8:28

I was just thinking that.

Reply

Froz3narr0w | 0

#2051662 - Sunday 6 February 2011 14:03

Agreed.

Reply

michele_13 | 0

#2053022 - Monday 7 February 2011 1:06

agree.
xD

Reply

Insane_Tea | 15

#2099094 - Saturday 19 February 2011 5:54

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERRRRR!!!

By gooBUZZ | 0

#2049801 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

How's that her fault? If you're implying that...

Reply

starryxeyes | 2

#2050135 - Sunday 6 February 2011 2:32

I don't think she's implying that it was her mom's fault, I think op's more upset that she was injured and instead of her mother giving her any sort of sympathy she basically said that she deserved it.

Reply

adime | 4

#2050327 - Sunday 6 February 2011 3:42

But she deserved it, so she shouldn't be upset that her mom didn't pity her

Reply

Winchesterlover | 0

#2051084 - Sunday 6 February 2011 9:23

How does one deserve to have their skin and finger nail ripped off? Mind explaining that to me?

Reply

jayyvonhatesyou | 11

#6560036 - Tuesday 15 March 2016 23:52

It wouldn't have happened if you stayed in your dance space, lmao YDI

By Anubyte | 0

#2049802 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

haha, sorry

By Sylverstone | 2

#2049814 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:26

Too bad. I'm sure they said to be careful of your surrounding when flailing the remote.

By mintcar | 9

#2049815 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:26

She's completely right.
Damn brah, stay in your own gat damn space.

Reply

hachoo | 0

#2049844 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:38

You're not funny at all.

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2049878 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:55

I didn't know I was TRYING to be funny.
How did you interpret the word "brah," "YDI," and "gat damn" as funny?
??????????
HOW???????????!!

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2049975 - Sunday 6 February 2011 1:20

16 - You're not relevant at all.

Reply

xMexicanXJesusx | 0

#2049991 - Sunday 6 February 2011 1:38

#27- You didn't say "YDI"...?

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2050166 - Sunday 6 February 2011 2:40

I know, but I implied it. XD.

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2054029 - Monday 7 February 2011 6:06

no, you didnt. You're stating the obvious....

By mintcar | 9

#2049816 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:26

She's completely right.
Damn brah, stay in your own gat damn space.

By Kelita | 0

#2049826 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:29

LMAO!!!!!!