Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we... - FML

By Winchesterlover - 5/2/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

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Instadrama

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Fairytale ending

By thanksmom - 30/4/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

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By theblackrose23 - 6/9/2013 12:10 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my grandfather died via Facebook, because apparently both my father and my aunt think posting a status about it immediately rather than calling family is the thing to do. FML

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By weirdlove - 23/1/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

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By Pain_intolerant - 11/3/2011 14:11 - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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By Holding - 24/8/2013 05:21 - United States - Staunton

Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML

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By Fitz - 12/4/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

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By ElephantLover - 11/12/2013 20:14 - United States - San Diego

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 03:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

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By DrLight - 17/1/2015 01:59 - United States - Raleigh

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

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By SonOfACatKiller - 19/9/2019 08:00 - United States - Juno

Alas, poor Tiddles

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

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By Nancy - 10/3/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

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By longdrive - 14/10/2014 05:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

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By Labelme - 2/1/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

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By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

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By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

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By anonymous - 6/5/2013 18:08 - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 17:01

What a tool

Today, my husband told me he didn't want me to get power tools to build things, because he thinks a miter saw and a sanding orbiter are more dangerous than guns. FML.

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By littlepsychgirl - 29/9/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 12:37 - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

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By DrunkenMum - 20/7/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

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By LogicalMolly - 13/12/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

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By lala - 11/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

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By FriendsZone - 15/5/2012 20:44 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

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By gold3nshow3r - 9/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2016 23:22 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2019 23:45

Only tighty whities

Today, my brother aged 12 years old tried doing laundry for the first time and ruined all my clothes with bleach. When my dad drove him to Walmart to buy replacement clothes for me, he bought me tighty whities. We both have worn boxers our whole lives. My dad won't return them. FML

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By ugh - 14/8/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

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By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2013 14:41 - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

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By Stormbringer - 1/2/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

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By creepyyy - 17/5/2014 16:54 - United States

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

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By louise. - 18/10/2010 09:06 - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he chose me out of all the hotter girls out there. He told me it's because I have great birthing hips. Apparently I'm having six children. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2013 19:05 - United States - New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

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By creepedoutlady - 16/8/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2009 19:22 - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

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By nyebust - 1/1/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

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By Coolkid. - 14/6/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

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Top comments

By afdude87 | 6

#2049800 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

well, you should have.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2049863 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:47

She's right. Stay in your dance space during Just Dance. That shit gets intense.

COMMENTS

By cowboyy_fml | 0

#2049796 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:20

omg wow

Reply

b182link | 0

#2050577 - Sunday 6 February 2011 5:20

play viva las Vegas and shoot her in the face

Reply

Micayla | 12

#2050586 - Sunday 6 February 2011 5:27

My mom would so do this to me.

Reply

Takador | 3

#2052791 - Sunday 6 February 2011 22:48

i was playing Hot Stuff with my mother and both our hands hit the ceiling fan.

Reply

shhhitsasecret | 0

#2057519 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:43

me and my bro smashed our hands together a few times playin that game. haahh. who knew dancing was so dangerous. aha.

Reply

NavySEAL13 | 0

#2735060 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 7:43

moms are b*tches

Reply

StudMuffinette | 17

#2900370 - Friday 15 July 2011 21:56

ur mom sounds like a real bitch

By XxNinjaDaytonaxX | 0

#2049797 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

ooh that sucks

By ComfortablyNumbb | 0

#2049799 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

Ew wii is stupid

Reply

derpherp | 0

#2049989 - Sunday 6 February 2011 1:36

Nu-uh! Wii is hardcore! It makes families beat each other *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Reply

DVecc | 0

#2052334 - Sunday 6 February 2011 18:36

explain that to the sales figures that beat the ps3 and Xbox 360

now shut the fuck up when your opinion doesn't matter.

Reply

Bobissmall | 13

#2052620 - Sunday 6 February 2011 21:27

The Wii is also a lot cheaper, and appeals to a much wider audience. Personally, i feel that the Wii sucks because i'd prefer a "hard core" gaming console.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2052645 - Sunday 6 February 2011 21:40

Monster Hunter Tri is not casual.

Reply

scarletchamber | 0

#4176691 - Saturday 17 March 2012 5:13

are u fucke up

By afdude87 | 6

#2049800 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

well, you should have.

Reply

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2051009 - Sunday 6 February 2011 8:28

I was just thinking that.

Reply

Froz3narr0w | 0

#2051662 - Sunday 6 February 2011 14:03

Agreed.

Reply

michele_13 | 0

#2053022 - Monday 7 February 2011 1:06

agree.
xD

Reply

Insane_Tea | 15

#2099094 - Saturday 19 February 2011 5:54

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERRRRR!!!

By gooBUZZ | 0

#2049801 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

How's that her fault? If you're implying that...

Reply

starryxeyes | 2

#2050135 - Sunday 6 February 2011 2:32

I don't think she's implying that it was her mom's fault, I think op's more upset that she was injured and instead of her mother giving her any sort of sympathy she basically said that she deserved it.

Reply

adime | 4

#2050327 - Sunday 6 February 2011 3:42

But she deserved it, so she shouldn't be upset that her mom didn't pity her

Reply

Winchesterlover | 0

#2051084 - Sunday 6 February 2011 9:23

How does one deserve to have their skin and finger nail ripped off? Mind explaining that to me?

Reply

jayyvonhatesyou | 11

#6560036 - Tuesday 15 March 2016 23:52

It wouldn't have happened if you stayed in your dance space, lmao YDI

By Anubyte | 0

#2049802 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:21

haha, sorry

By Sylverstone | 2

#2049814 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:26

Too bad. I'm sure they said to be careful of your surrounding when flailing the remote.

By mintcar | 9

#2049815 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:26

She's completely right.
Damn brah, stay in your own gat damn space.

Reply

hachoo | 0

#2049844 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:38

You're not funny at all.

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2049878 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:55

I didn't know I was TRYING to be funny.
How did you interpret the word "brah," "YDI," and "gat damn" as funny?
??????????
HOW???????????!!

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2049975 - Sunday 6 February 2011 1:20

16 - You're not relevant at all.

Reply

xMexicanXJesusx | 0

#2049991 - Sunday 6 February 2011 1:38

#27- You didn't say "YDI"...?

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2050166 - Sunday 6 February 2011 2:40

I know, but I implied it. XD.

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2054029 - Monday 7 February 2011 6:06

no, you didnt. You're stating the obvious....

By mintcar | 9

#2049816 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:26

She's completely right.
Damn brah, stay in your own gat damn space.

By Kelita | 0

#2049826 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:29

LMAO!!!!!!