FML Approved
New York, United States
Pop Quiz Day
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The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Louis
United States
Are you OK?
Today, a colleague said I looked “different” and I thought it was a compliment. It turns out they meant that I looked “tired and stressed.” I smiled awkwardly and said, “Thanks?” while internally dying. FML
Anonymous
Seattle, United States
Muffled
Today, I was driving to get groceries when my muffler fell off. I need to get it fixed or else I’ll lose my job, and my job is far away from where I live. If I take an Uber or anything, it will be taking most of my paycheck. Man, FML
Soaked
United States
Here comes the flood
Today, I found out that having a rug in your bathroom has more uses than I thought. For example, it can soak up a ton of water when your shower head randomly bursts and starts spewing water non-stop while you're at work. There's still water everywhere, and no more showers for the foreseeable future. FML
Anonymous
Scap
Today, my mum got annoyed and screamed that I should appreciate her more, all because I had to get my car scrapped and wouldn't let her friend who'd offered me 100 pounds less than another scrapper. I'm broke and we're in a cost of living crisis. FML
Janet
United States
Chilled
Today, as suggested by the my therapist, I tried practicing mindfulness meditation while on a break at work to reduce stress. Midway through my deep breaths, I accidentally let out a loud and unexpected snore. My coworkers now think I've taken my relaxation techniques to a whole new level. FML
Luke Sparacio
Open door policy
Today, while we were exploring a building, my dad and I somehow got separated. After about 30 seconds, I found him on the other side of a door, so I went to go through what I thought was a door. Instead, I smashed my head on a windowpane and collapsed to the floor in pain in front of 5 people. FML
Anonymous
Bad day, huh?
Today, work was exhausting, so I decided to get a pretzel crust pizza from Little Caesars on the way home. When I got home and opened the box, not only was the pizza cooked rather poorly, but there was also a mountain of salt strewn all over it, EXCEPT for the crust. How do you even mess up that badly? FML
no vacation then I guess
Twisted
Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML
Anonymous
Surrey, Canada
The war on Christmas is real!
Today, I finally put my Christmas lights up. In the process, a branch from the bush in my yard smacked me in the face, giving me a very noticeable scar on my nose. I have a photo session tomorrow. FML
Marcus
United States
Unhinged
Today, the girl who said we were “just friends” had a meltdown when I told her I went on a date with a girl I met on Hinge. She literally told me two months ago after me giving her the shirt off my back and being her emotional support anchor for nearly four years that we were “just friends.” So what’s the deal? FML
Anonymous
There's definitely a separate WhatsApp group
Today, the friend I was supposed to meet said, "Oh, I forgot to put it in my calendar." She than suggested all our friends drive out to her place in the morning (instead of the agreed afternoon) when I was unable to attend, which she knew. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Seasonal
Today, I went to set up for the first time the wedding tent we'd purchased, two days before the wedding, to discover one of the seven boxes was a pink light up Christmas tree and not the tent's canopy. Thanks Bed Bath & Beyond. FML
Anonymous
United States
Where to now?
Today, I found out that the pharmacy I've been getting my prescriptions from for over two decades is closing down. Just the one store. In less than a week. The signs proudly proclaim "Store Closing! This Store Only!" FML
Anonymous
Nigeria
Just because you can don't mean you should
Today, I got stuck in my washing machine. When my sister saw me, she just left me there. FML
Is he stupid?
United States
Humaaaaaaan! Open the doooooor!
Today, my dumbass cat won't stop screaming and whining at me because I won't let him go outside. It's winter, and this is the Midwest. He did this without my knowledge once before and had almost frozen to death by the time I figured out where he was. Also, he's too loud for earplugs to drown him out. FML
Lonely
Plenty of fish (or not)
Today, I have been single for four years. During this time, I have hit it off with a dozen women. Ten of them turned out to be very religious or in cults, which is a deal breaker to me. Of the remaining two, one became a dear friend before blocking me when she met her now boyfriend, and the last one is asexual. FML
Anonymous
United States
Beyond parody
Today, I had the supreme mega ultra final bosses of Karens. I knew I was cooked when they approached my brunch bar. I didn’t ID them because they were all very obviously 35+. They took immense offense to this and demanded to speak to my manager. They told on me for doing my job. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
That's hot
Today, I found out my girlfriend only became my girlfriend because she was bored of having Tinder sex with dozens of guys and decided having a boyfriend she could cheat on with dozens of guys from Tinder would make the sex hotter and kinkier, like a dirty shameful secret to turn her on more. FML
Anonymous
Montgomery, United States
Nobody likes a shitter quitter
Today, I got a stomach bug. Then my three kids joined in like it was a team sport. My husband decided his actual soccer game was more important. FML
Anonymous
Let it go
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Anonymous
Health hazard
Today, I was at a grocery store when I slipped on a puddle of water. I tried to catch my balance, grabbed a shelf, and instead took down an entire display of chocolate boxes. People rushed over to help, albeit while smirking, and a kid yelled, “Do it again!” FML
Quiet is sexy
Romania 🌶️ Spicy
Suave
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Moo
United States
Moo
Today, I had to sleep in a room with my son, since we are visiting relatives at a farm. Every time a cow moos, he says "Cow". I can't sleep. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Drugery
Today, I think I've reached that point in my marriage where sex is reserved for Valentine's Day, my birthday (maybe), and our anniversary. Which is fine, I expected it to come at some point, just not when I was in my 30s. FML
Not interested dude take the hint
Be curious, you never know…
Today, I was wondering if I might be bi, so I hopped on Grindr and met up with a cute guy to experiment with. It ended up being so awful that I decided nope, definitely not bi. Unfortunately now he won't leave me alone, even after I told him that I made a mistake and I'm not interested. FML
Sean
United States
Healthy living
Today, it's my second week of living with my ex. The first week or so, her brother's kid gave me and my kids a bacterial infection. I almost died, I swore to live in my car. I lasted 7 days of no real sleep, then ended up almost dying from heat-related illness. FML
Anonymous
United States
Double standard
Today, my former in-laws have been giving me crap for remarrying only four months after my divorce, yet they had no problem with my ex-wife remarrying only a week after our divorce. FML
AlfieBoyo
United States
Trash day
Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML
Anonymous
Canada
Hangry
Today, McDonald's screwed up my order 3 whole times. GIVE ME MY NUGGETS PLEASE. HOW CAN SOMEONE MAGICALLY FORGET 40 NUGGETS? FML