Are you? Are you really?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 05:01

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML
I agree, your life sucks 601
You deserved it 432

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Agreed. That’s not you being toxic. That is how MANY people everywhere relate to others. Their stories somehow trigger a memory of our own and so we want to share it, JUST LIKE THEY DID. It’s not toxic. It is a normal personality trait and if this “friend” can’t handle not being the centre of attention for longer than their own story, then they should get down off of the pedestal they have themselves on and take a good look at it. They’ll realize that it’s not a pedestal at all, it’s a toilet. Sorry - bit harsh, sure - but I hate people who act that way. The only exception (IMO) to this would be if you are a) intentionally annoying this person (which you’ve made clear that you’re not) or b) you’re trying to one-up their stories, and not simply telling them for the sake of sharing your story (though I doubt this is the case as well).

Toxicity really depends on the nature/intent of the story. If you're always trying to one up people or make them look bad then yeah, cut that out.

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You’re not toxic, that’s just how some people show that they are acknowledging the other persons story by sharing their own, you can try to do it less but it’s a trait of yours and if anything your friend is a bit rude

Agreed. That’s not you being toxic. That is how MANY people everywhere relate to others. Their stories somehow trigger a memory of our own and so we want to share it, JUST LIKE THEY DID. It’s not toxic. It is a normal personality trait and if this “friend” can’t handle not being the centre of attention for longer than their own story, then they should get down off of the pedestal they have themselves on and take a good look at it. They’ll realize that it’s not a pedestal at all, it’s a toilet. Sorry - bit harsh, sure - but I hate people who act that way. The only exception (IMO) to this would be if you are a) intentionally annoying this person (which you’ve made clear that you’re not) or b) you’re trying to one-up their stories, and not simply telling them for the sake of sharing your story (though I doubt this is the case as well).

No, it's toxic. If a person shares a story, it's to tell something. Hijacking that story to make it about you just draws the attention away from the OP. It may not be intentional, but in the end, it's not longer about the OP but you. Acknowledging the other persons story would be saying you experienced something similar, but still keep it focussed on the OP. Sharing a similar story isn't, that is narcissistic behaviour, because it's suddenly about you, not the OP.

Cool story, bro. Kinda reminds me of that time when my sister asked for help as a hologram and I ended blowing up the Death Star. Good times, GOOD TIMES!!!

I mean is that really toxic though

You're not toxic. Your writing is.

She's not toxic, but hexavalent chromium is. Reminds me of when I sued Pacific Gas and Electric for dumping that shit in our water system. Glory days!

VintageReddress 12

Responding to a story about someone’s story is not toxic (usually). More often than not, it’s a sign that you’re trying to relate to that person and show them that you understand. It’s something a LOT of people do naturally. If anything, like the other commenter stated, your friend sounds like they may be a bit rude. Or at least have poor communication skills.

It actually narcissistic. I’m trying to steer my dad away from doing this exact thing. My therapist says it is really toxic for mine and my children’s mental health.

That is narcissistic behavior that my therapist wants me to help my dad stoop doing. She says it is eroding my daughter’s and my mental health even more.

Toxicity really depends on the nature/intent of the story. If you're always trying to one up people or make them look bad then yeah, cut that out.

I found out that a lot of people do it as a sign of empathy. I also found out that people don't get offended when i point out that i understand their story and then i usully ask if it's okay to share my experience with the topic so maybe there is something helpfull for them how i handle similar issues. Works 9/10.

In France we have a nickname for people doing that. We call them "moi-je" (me-I) because they always start with "Moi, je..." and once they're talking, you can't stop them. They often cut you short too, so you don't even want to continue telling your story.