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The all-time greatest FMLs

Green fingers

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 09/07/2020 17:02

Today, I learned that the $30 plant that I've been tediously tending to and extremely proud of for thriving is actually just a subspecies of ragweed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 465

A real pro

By weddingplannerlyfe - 16/09/2022 21:00

Today, I had the wedding from hell. Nope, not a bridezilla, but a makeup artist-zilla who caused the ceremony to begin over an hour and a half late, and then tried to charge the bride for her delays. She then went nuts when confronted with the reality of her poor time management. “Professional” my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 112

Suspicious activity

By AC712 - 08/09/2021 11:01 - United States - Butler

Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, and went shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 227

Does not spark joy

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 15:00

Today, my girlfriend gave away my $2000 desktop computer while I was at work. When I confronted her, she said, "You have a laptop, use that instead." I thought the difference between a high-end gaming PC and a work laptop was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 195

Waste of time

By Sick - 17/07/2022 22:00 - Chile - Santiago

Today, after our in-laws begged us to go, we drove 350 km each way to attend a birthday party on a Sunday. Upon arriving, they informed us the party started at 5 pm, not lunch time, leaving us to drive 5 hours in the dark. Our reward? My husband, 3 year old, 7 month old, and myself tested positive for Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 215

No means no, Deborah

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 119

A lot on my plate

By BrokeAndLonely - 26/07/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, after seven months of job-searching, I got another rejection. This is after a breakup, a job loss, the deaths of my grandfather and best friend, tax issues, 3 years of dealing with a severe phobia, family issues, and a pandemic. Plus, now I can't buy the flat I fell in love with. Someone up there hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 186

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 11:00

Today, and since being diagnosed with bowel cancer, I realised I’ve been unintentionally limiting the places I go to, like shops and restaurants, based solely on the quality of their toilet paper. Not really complaining, I just thought it was kinda funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 140

Mood breaker

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 23:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Spicy

Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 198

Nice try, Karen

By munchkin77 - 15/12/2021 20:01

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 89

Unrequited

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 19:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 437

Thwarted

By It_gets_better - 12/10/2020 07:55 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, I weigh the same as I did the day I gave birth six months ago. I'd been working out and finally making progress, until I fell off a horse and injured my hip. I can't work out for at least the next two weeks either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 197

It_gets_better tells us more.

It_gets_better 19

Monday 12 October 2020 0:58

Oh wow, my FML finally got published! I know it takes some time to fully heal from the baby, it just hits me harder because both of my sisters had babies after me and they're both back into their nonmaternity wardrobe. So I am a little jealous that it took me a while to start making progress- and why it was such a bummer to move backward so fast. Really, I know I picked up bad habits during pregnancy and I gained a lot of unhealthy weight, not just baby weight, so I'm exercising to be healthier overall. The riding in the first place is part of my course load at university. I fell off because the stirrup snapped and I hit the ground with it. My husband had to wheel me to urgent care and they did X rays to make sure I didn't break my pelvis. So while the good news is nothing was broken- I couldn't get off the couch for days and it still took me about three weeks to be able to walk around the house. I'm feeling much better now and should be back in classes at the end of this week!

No kink-shaming

By Cybertronianchic - 05/09/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 637

Bosses gonna boss

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, my supervisor’s first words when looking at my work were, “What is this shit?!” I explained that I'd done it exactly like she told me to. She just kept on grumbling because she couldn’t find a single thing I had done wrong, which apparently ruined her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 123

Run away, fast

By wtf babe?! - 10/08/2021 22:01

Today, even though we were together every day of quarantine, now that I’m working my boyfriend has become a completely different person. He’s now jealous, insecure and makes wild accusations. He’s called and showed up to my new job so many times the managers are threatening to let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 153

Follow your dreams

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 10:00

Today, despite me being a master-level carpenter, and my art sells for thousands, I heard my mom telling her snobby friends how embarrassed she is of me because I’m “basically unemployed” and waste my time on “hobby crafts” like a teenage nerd instead of getting “a real job” and finding a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 126

You never listen

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, after I'd offered to make suggestions to my partner after she finished writing an essay for her college class, and she'd read my suggestions, we argued about every single point I wrote down. Despite telling her she didn't have to take any suggestions we argued for 2 days about it. The professor had the same notes as mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 151

Jealous guy

By Are u Happy Now - 01/06/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got me and a male colleague written up. He thinks I’m having a affair because I made a cake and bought a present for his birthday. He made up a story and told my boss that we’re fucking. My colleague ended up getting transferred to another unit. Hope you’re happy now, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 404

Classic brain fart

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 21:30 - Australia - Ballarat

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 606

NParents represent!

By Familyvisits - 31/08/2021 14:01 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my parents have been whining about me spending a weekend there, so I did. I have severe IBS and sent them the list of foods I can eat 2 weeks ago when I told them I was coming. They had no food in the house that I could eat without getting sick, and got offended when I didn’t eat or tried to buy my own food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 112

Bad girls

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 01:30 - Austria - Graz

Today, I was meeting up with my three best friends from high school. I spent the entire day and some money to plan a wild girls' night, only to find out their day ends in the afternoon. All three wear ankle bracelets and have a strict curfew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 269

Guilty until proven innocent

By Anonymous - 29/08/2022 14:00

Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 137

Facebook Science

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 23:00

Today, someone who lives off the government stated that all I do as a front line nurse is wipe arses, and that I know nothing about Covid because I'm not a doctor. He refuses to get the vaccine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 201

Unmissable

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 02:01

Today, I returned to work after testing out my theory yesterday that absolutely nobody would notice or care if I just did not show up. So far so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 212

By NotJoeyEssex - 26/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 1 185

Get out of there

By Foxflame - 30/01/2022 08:01 - United States

Today, my family is supposed to be enjoying a day with my in-laws. The drawback? I have to spend time with my stepmom-in-law who is a conspiracy theorist, and my stepsister-in-law who has an unvaccinated 3 year-old who’s been sick a lot lately and looks like death. I have a 4 year-old and a newborn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 317

It's MINE

By birdy - 01/08/2022 16:00 - Australia

Today, after months of trying to persuade her to give it to a wildlife rescue, I reported my stepmother to the authorities for illegally keeping an endangered bird in the kitchen. When they took it, she screamed that I had no right to do that, as she considered it hers since she found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 251

Love is blind

By HeartbrokenMom - 18/11/2022 12:00

Today, I found out my daughter is tolerating abuse from her boyfriend, all because, “He’s 6’4, has dark hair, and green eyes.” Apparently, that outweighs him treating her like shit. I don’t know what else to tell her to convince her to leave him, or it’s a matter of time before I see her in a coffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 144

What is "normal" anyway?

By Plaything to the universe - 30/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I was told by a doctor in no uncertain terms that, with all of my mental and physical health conditions and personality disorders, there is, "absolutely no way I can possibly live a normal life, unless a miracle occurs." Well, I guess I'll just go fuck myself, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 191

Monolith

By PickleJuice - 23/07/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, at Burger King, I was coming back from break. A customer screamed at me because she ordered a double cheeseburger without pickles, and they were put on anyway. She threw it in my face. My face was covered in ketchup mustard and pickle. Did I mention I was on a break and had nothing to do with this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 114

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The Top

The Top

Today, I live in Japan. I discovered that the toothpaste with the terrible taste that I’d been using for a month, and on which it says “Whitening” in non-Japanese characters, was in fact a skin whitening cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 203

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 267

You deserved it 7 607

Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 176

You deserved it 3 282

Today, my parents told me they won’t be attending my wedding, all because my fiancée is the woman I cheated on my ex with and left her for. What they fail to understand is that people and hearts change. It wouldn’t be fair to remain by my ex’s side while being in love with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 2 766

Today, my girlfriend tried to distract me from an argument I was winning by taking off her clothes for sex. Then she got mad when I told her to grow up and get dressed. By the way, the fight was over how she threw my mom's ashes in the trash, I don’t care if we never have sex again, I’m gonna win this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 259

Today, I tripped on a rock, fell in a pond, and lost my phone. All while dressed as a banana for a charity run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 230