Unrequited

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 13:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 353

Are you a wizard?

Backstabbing

We need to know more!

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 095

You deserved it 2 494

By Terri-Lynn - 30/05/2012 20:25 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 701

You deserved it 4 400

By danielle887 - 07/07/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I decided to pay a surprise visit to my family after I got some work leave. I drove over and knocked on the door, and a young couple answered. Apparently, my entire family decided to move to Texas, and didn't bother to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 915

You deserved it 3 369

Time for a change

By leogs23 - 15/11/2020 10:58

Today, I was in bed with my girlfriend and she asked to see my phone to check my Snapchat to see what was in there. After she was done with it, she start looking into her phone to see her memories and started crying over her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 101

Headshot!

By almyric - 02/10/2019 12:02

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 259

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 496

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 234

You deserved it 3 891

By walllflower - 08/02/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 956

You deserved it 4 355

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 662

You deserved it 14 382

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 16:21 - United States - Mount Carmel

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 436

You deserved it 47 040

Jesus saves!

By that’s just gross - 20/06/2021 13:01

Today, I’ve always tried to be understanding that my girlfriend grew up very poor and is therefore extremely frugal. However, I finally had to draw the line when she flipped out on me for throwing out her respooled used dental floss and buying another. It was 98 cents for a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 73

By Laura - 22/09/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 988

You deserved it 17 400

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 066

You deserved it 5 972

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 423

You deserved it 2 061

By TheyHaveMyAddress - 06/03/2014 05:52 - United States - Jackson

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a restaurant so I could apply for a job, and we decided to eat there. After we finished, I went to start the car. When we got home, I asked him how much the bill came to. Apparently he didn't pay. I had already given them my completed application. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 566

You deserved it 7 307

By Lizziebelle - 01/12/2016 08:07 - United States - Seattle

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 781

You deserved it 750

By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 039

You deserved it 176

By dumpedfornoreason - 01/10/2017 18:30 - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 557

By mortified - 30/10/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 576

You deserved it 30 887

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 629

You deserved it 703

By lauren - 30/03/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 064

You deserved it 65 978

By anonymous - 22/10/2014 02:11 - United States - Levittown

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 408

You deserved it 4 403

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 14:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 351

You deserved it 2 165

By howniceofyou - 01/08/2011 18:12 - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 458

You deserved it 13 099

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 107

You deserved it 1 809

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 19:36 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 571

You deserved it 23 010

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 01:36 - United States

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 2 573

By StillHurt - 19/01/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 388

You deserved it 2 242

Real estate

By John - 20/07/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 868

You deserved it 12 159

By lopsided - 14/12/2014 07:56 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 471

You deserved it 2 694

By Jenna Berreth - 01/08/2019 16:00

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 136

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 057

You deserved it 2 416

By hate - 06/07/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 173

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 620

You deserved it 8 683

By bad surprise - 26/01/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 129

You deserved it 7 517

By Anonymous - 13/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, my cat peed on my long-term project so I had to stay up until 4 am doing the whole thing again... just for it to fall in the train tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 278

By samboob - 01/09/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 092

You deserved it 44 429

By xxruby - 24/02/2015 21:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 223

You deserved it 3 519

By cat lady - 07/01/2016 03:38 - United States - Netcong

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 709

You deserved it 2 008

By Salliemae - 11/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 375

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 September 2020 21:23

Give it a go -- in my experience, most girls are bisexual. When I mention sex, they say "Bye!"

sisoladra 20

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2020 19:16

Honestly you could bring it up with her in a joking manner just to see where she stands cause you never know ;) You could go to her chat and catch up then casually slip in something like "I know this may sound odd but I used to have the BIGGEST crush on you when I was younger!" and depending on how she reacts will tell you where she stands. :)

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 September 2020 21:23

Give it a go -- in my experience, most girls are bisexual. When I mention sex, they say "Bye!"

Chazzster 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 September 2020 23:40

I agree that you should mention to crush that you are interested in her. Do it discreetly and not in a way that could be construed as threatening. If you are diplomatic, you have nothing to loose, assuming you are already “out” as bisexual.

Grizz8831 13

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2020 16:47

unsure why this was downvoted... the friend being straight could mean she has only been with guys. she could still say yes for the sake of giving op a chance out of respect for the friendship and find out they are also bi. it is easier to know you are not gay, than whether you have feelings towards the same sex and could be bi. and as stated if OP handles it in a decent fashion worst that happens (excluding some form of homophobia) is she gets turned down.

sisoladra 20

Send a private message

Thursday 1 October 2020 19:16

Bogrbon 24

Send a private message

Monday 2 August 2021 3:50

I don’t get why it would be considered acceptable by some in the comments to try and convince a friend she’s not actually straight, when it’s pretty objectively a terrible thing to try and convince someone who is gay or a lesbian that they are really bi or straight. Respect her sexuality too. If you bring it up and she’s interested that’s great, but if she’s not attracted to women, she doesn’t need to be, and that’s okay.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 880

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 1 082