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Poor little guy

By RabbitOwner - 07/01/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 21 756

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 11:03 - United States

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 367

Have a Coke and smile

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 02:01

Today, after my 7 year-old learned at school that water that goes down the sink and toilets is cleaned and then turns up in the taps as drinking water, he is now refusing to drink it at all in case it is recycled toilet water, and if he carries on he may need to be hospitalised for dehydration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 203

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 156

By Anonyme - 06/09/2013 11:56 - France - Caen

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 583

You deserved it 5 001

Some taken

By Atomic_Tangerine - 29/06/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said, "No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 742

You deserved it 3 691

Negotiations

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 17:01

Today, I had to tell my 28-year-old roommate she needs to wash her hands after using the bathroom. She then said she’d try, as long as I try to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Those aren’t even on the same level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 975

By DeniedAgain - 29/06/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I had a quarter in my pocket. I found no change in my pocket once I got to the register, so I pulled out my credit card. The cashier laughed a few seconds later when my card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 318

You deserved it 15 542

Discord mods

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 07:00 - Brunei Darussalam - Muara

Today, I made a Discord account for the first time and got banned, even though I hadn't even logged in. Like, how is that possible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 123

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 519

You deserved it 3 090

Free money

By mmaresca - 04/12/2021 17:01

Today, after waiting 7 months to get my amended tax return refund, I was informed today that not only did they mail it to the wrong address, the person who they mailed it to cashed the check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 86

Nice

By mandiballz - 12/01/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year-old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He said, "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 815

You deserved it 4 464

Some help you were

By Logged Off - 02/01/2022 07:59

Today, I turned my phone off for the first time in three weeks to have a one-hour nap. I had kept it on because my next door neighbour has health problems and I offered to be an emergency call if he needed help. I was woken up by two ambulances arriving at his house. Turning on my phone, he'd left me 5 voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 939

By ClaireWinchester - 02/09/2013 00:47 - United States - Half Moon Bay

Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 971

You deserved it 10 281

ClaireWinchester tells us more.

ClaireWinchester 17

Monday 2 September 2013 22:50

Hey guys, OP here (: I was so excited to hear that this got published!! Thank you for all your feedback, even the ones saying I deserved what happened. I believe due explanations are in order. First of all: I wasn't the one who lit the Cheetos on fire, that was courtesy of my older brother. He saw a post on iFunny saying that Cheetos are flammable, so, naturally he felt the need to see which flavor of Cheetos burned the fastest. He then he ran into my room to show me his discovery, waving a flaming Cheeto around proudly. I'm assuming you can guess what happened next.

Lost references

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 03:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after three interviews, I accepted an offer for my dream job and submitted my notice. The company called me to say they couldn't contact my referees and have now withdrawn the offer. I'm now officially unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 210

By Annoyed - 28/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 443

You deserved it 2 846

Mind your own *******

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 22:00

Today, my mother-in-law said, "I just find I'm not at all confident bottle feeding a baby, as I breastfed all of mine." Thank you for making me feel like s*** for me decision to bottle feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 431

By silkworm - 24/06/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 972

You deserved it 2 763

Romantic moves

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 15:09 - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 965

You deserved it 3 742

Road warrior

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was driving 65 on a fairly deserted highway when some speeding inbred in a giant truck chose not to use the open passing lane but instead SWERVED INTO THE SHOULDER to go around me, and then cut me off. Any closer and I would've been a smear on the asphalt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 130

Tactful

By Anonymous - 05/08/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party, my friend introduced me to her roommate by spouting the usual crap, like, “You guys just had to meet, you have so much in common.” After 20 minutes of very painful, awkward conversation, it was clear the only thing we had in common was being the only two black people in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 110

By Animal_aide - 07/01/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 066

You deserved it 2 965

Troublemaker

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 05:01

Today, a new hire at my workplace, who is already on probation, yelled at me about filing an HR complaint about him. I had customers, who definitely heard. I've never filed a complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 97

Let me out!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I got stuck in a dress in the fitting room and had to call the sales associate for help. She had to crawl under the door to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 472

Stinky

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to work at my new job after taking a shower but I'd forgotten to put on deodorant. I started getting strange looks and wondered why, only to find out later that everyone was talking about me, including someone I have a crush on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 363

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 552

You deserved it 4 940

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I tried to impress my crush by ordering food in his "native tongue." He looked at me weirdly and said, "I'm from Ohio.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 2 032

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 17:56 - Philippines - Dasmarinas

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 556

You deserved it 3 163

On the run

By Allen - 05/01/2010 06:40 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got halfway to the airport when I realized I'd forgotten my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport, only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then, my pocket vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 932

You deserved it 40 542

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Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 824

You deserved it 964

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 485

You deserved it 3 389

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 214

You deserved it 120

Today, as I watched my male and female dogs frolic, play, and lick each other, it occurred to me there's more love and romance between them than I have ever had in my whole damned life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 178

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 811

You deserved it 1 320

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 107

You deserved it 4 376