Miscellaneous: Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally...

By Hairless freak - 23/09/2012 08:14 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 434

You deserved it 1 849

Miscellaneous

Not the sharpest tool

Final words

Don't be a dingdong

By juliette - 08/10/2012 05:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 404

You deserved it 4 478

Busting makes me feel good

By NotASquirrel - 12/03/2016 05:29 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 836

You deserved it 1 285

By Superficial - 09/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 926

You deserved it 2 671

By MgmEboy - 19/09/2009 21:36 - Canada

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 268 533

By oxymorons - 05/09/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 427

You deserved it 3 131

By driverman12 - 04/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 097

You deserved it 30 901

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 341

You deserved it 7 387

By loli-conned - 21/06/2009 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 22 482

By screw life - 01/10/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 634

You deserved it 3 040

By hellphone_fml - 22/11/2018 03:00

Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 843

You deserved it 280

By jessica238 - 08/04/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 953

You deserved it 47 257

By chocochoco - 24/03/2014 03:40 - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 918

You deserved it 17 872

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 885

You deserved it 39 388

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 536

You deserved it 5 039

By jacky tu - 16/10/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 038

You deserved it 7 677

BIKES!

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 08:01

Today, I’m doing the 5 km bike ride to the grocery store. As always, I'm well equipped: Shopping bags, shopping list, pen, sunglasses, hat, sunscreen, raincoat, tampons, tissues, lip balm, water bottle… Anything I forgot? Aaah, yes. Money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 734

You deserved it 3 746

Basic Instinct

By too proud to beg - 23/09/2020 02:02

Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 223

By pandabear93 - 04/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 515

You deserved it 3 730

By Anonymous - 18/12/2013 01:55 - China - Shanghai

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 189

You deserved it 8 364

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 222

You deserved it 2 144

By Username - 28/07/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, I got the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life, and then discovered I'm allergic to aloe when I went to treat the burn with some gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 451

You deserved it 3 641

By purrfect :/ - 07/07/2016 22:34

Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 358

You deserved it 1 057

By tantanpanda - 24/06/2015 12:44 - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 416

You deserved it 1 930

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 372

You deserved it 8 882

By O_o - 09/02/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 134

You deserved it 6 656

By Pumpkin - 18/07/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 164

You deserved it 102 820

By Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - 04/01/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 179

You deserved it 5 903

By TabbiNicole - 15/07/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 748

You deserved it 2 785

By fuckmyparents - 25/01/2019 00:00

Today, the school I applied to work for told me they were not going to schedule an interview. Why? Because they think my papers and name are fake. My name is Seymour Skinner. I’m not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 722

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 14:00

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 187

By MarsMayFall - 12/09/2016 09:56 - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 782

You deserved it 6 631

That's not very pog

By Anonymous Dad - 02/02/2021 17:02

Today, my son and his friends were gaming in his room when I thought I'd use a word I recently discovered online. I said, "Hey, this is all very poggers." My son sighed and said, "How do you do, fellow kids?" I got Steve Buscemi-ed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 939

By wtfiswrongwithher - 07/05/2011 13:56 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 698

You deserved it 7 493

By ExtemelyBroke - 06/06/2009 02:24 - United States

Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 003

You deserved it 6 425

By Gutted. - 21/03/2009 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 250

You deserved it 6 763

By wishbone - 14/04/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 618

You deserved it 5 635

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 06/03/2021 20:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 234

By Ben - 01/03/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 986

You deserved it 17 332

Not now!

By fml9124 - 25/04/2020 20:00

Today, the best manager I've ever had told me she was leaving to take a job at another company. I just found out my new manager is a guy that has destroyed three different departments in three years. He's the owner's nephew or something. I do not want to be looking for a new job during the Covid-19 pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 111

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Top comments

sarah6786 14

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:47

Shave his eyebrows in his sleep

tehaustiebear 34

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:48

I'm sorry to hair that, but it sounds like they shaved you some time.

SB1010 0

Sunday 23 September 2012 17:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

TellMeWhatsDeath 14

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:01

I don't think you would love him if you were in that situation.

Thelnternet 7

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:02

i don't

_Oblivion_ 12

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:09

25's picture is what op looked like trying to grow it back

sunnyt 5

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:26

25- but.. but.. IMPOSSIBRU!

ohcheriecherie 20

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:53

You're a bitch, 1

KommanderKush420 5

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Sunday 23 September 2012 22:20

41 - Dolan!!

dylanmellark101 5

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Monday 24 September 2012 4:43

52- no need to name-call.

sarah6786 14

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:47

Shave his eyebrows in his sleep

butthead321 0

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:01

Or rip his hair out with your bare hands

Feared 9

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:03

Or everyday, for as long as you're roommates, dip his toothbrush in toilet water. The day he moves out, you can let him in on a little secret.

hama806 19

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:12

Hair grows and so should friendships. But clearly this one is not a healthy friendship. Lose the loser.

ConBroChilll 9

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:50

33- just beacuse op's roommate pulled a prank on them doesn't mean to they have to kick em' out. Your taking something way too seriously that might have been an asshole move but hair grows back. Unlike your balls

hama806 19

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Monday 24 September 2012 1:07

No balls here. But hair sometimes takes years to grow back. That was a shitty prank only an enemy would pull. You would be pissed too if you had patches of bald on your head. So I stand by my first comment.

BrianneAlex 10

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:47

Tomorrow should be the day you get sweet revenge on him.

beatlegirl27 20

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:11

Or her

freshberries22 17

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:34

31 I have to agree since not many men own hair remover and girls get haircuts too. I don't know why everyone assumed op is a guy.

jelly713 19

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Sunday 23 September 2012 23:10

Because long hair won't fall out with hair removal cream as easy as short hair (boy hair). Hair removal cream doesn't always remove coarse hair as easy as fine.

chili10 18

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Monday 24 September 2012 0:14

Not all girls have Long hair... I have gotten my fair share of bad haircuts and have to wait a few weeks to have it grow it out.... I still think it was two guys, but I'm just pointing out your flaw.

tehaustiebear 34

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:48

I'm sorry to hair that, but it sounds like they shaved you some time.

fmlroooster 4

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:01

Lol

bassgod 9

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:12

How original!

dancingmaniac 6

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:48

Karma will take care of 'em soon OP

Zomg_Okay 26

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Sunday 23 September 2012 17:48

Your room-mate will be expecting retaliation, so I would recommend waiting until their guard is down before you exact your revenge. Might I suggest putting coffee in the shower head, or perhaps hiding cling film under the toilet seat?

coldashell 23

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Sunday 23 September 2012 18:04

Your idea of revenge is weak. How about some dye in the laundry detergent to mess the roommates clothes up or laxatives in food for a start.

Zomg_Okay 26

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Sunday 23 September 2012 20:10

I am but an inexperienced prankster. I merely offered suggestions, take them or leave them as you will.

Scarshadow101 6

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Sunday 23 September 2012 20:26

I think you should tell them you're getting revenge, and to watch their back. Be suspicious and remind them of it every day...until it drives them crazy. They'll be begging you to get it over with and you'll have gotten your revenge. I dunno, I saw it on Arthur, it might work.