The Top

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That escalated quickly

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 401

You deserved it 722

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 139

Who stole Chewbacca?

By Tate - 16/04/2022 12:00

Today, I invited a friend over and showed him my collectible action figures. He also collects the ones I do. There was this one particular rare one I own, and he was quite fascinated by it. It mysteriously vanished after he went home. He claims to know nothing about it, and got pissed for accusing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 139

Mr Nice Guy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 01:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store to get groceries, he didn't even buy me flowers. He's also irritated that I "seem sad or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 210

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 26/04/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 527

Brainwashing

By stuck - 11/05/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, due to some serious health and financial issues, I literally have no choice but to have my mom watch my kids. She's turned my son into the most spoiled insufferable brat, I can’t stand it. Then I feel like I’m punishing him at home for what his grandmother enforces in hers. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 200

Hot shit

By Well, shit - 07/12/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 102

Picture perfect

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed with the perfect ring, restaurant, flowers, and champagne. He’s never been this well prepared for anything in his life, so he admitted that my mother planned the whole thing and forced him to propose, even though neither of us want to get married. She even bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 172

By Moron with reflexes - 29/05/2019 06:03

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 995

Animated movies

By Penny - 18/01/2020 20:00

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 479

Moment of self-realization

By Bad fiancee - 19/12/2024 23:00 - Romania

Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 611

Ex-Lax Time

By savagepixie - 01/06/2019 14:09

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 238

Overdraft blues

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 18:00

Today, I got a text from my bank saying that my chequing account is below the threshold amount, and that they will have to charge me if I don’t deposit money soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 215

Nature calls

By anon - 27/07/2023 22:00

Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 187

By sleekRelease - 11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 195

Jumping the gun

By mygirlnoloveme - 04/08/2023 08:00

Today, I told the girl of my dreams that my love for her was deeper than the ocean. She laughed hysterically. This wouldn’t be so bad but we happen to be dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 622

All you need is love

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 10:00

Today, my polyamorous friend has 3 boyfriends. My other polyamorous friend has 2 boyfriends and my other other polyamorous friend has a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 203

She works hard for no money…

By shaianne - 10/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, my job decided not to pay me. I talked to HR about it and they told me it will be “very hard” to fix the issue of my missing paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 61

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 77

Modern student life sucks

By Dan - 05/03/2021 19:02 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, I've paid over £15k a year to have 1.5 years of my 3 year BSc online. All we can do is sit in a tiny room (genuinely worse than Nordic prisons) and watch "online lectures", i.e. paying enormous amounts of money for depression, boredom, loneliness, and information that can be gathered from Youtube or Wikipedia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 08/07/2019 18:01 - United States

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 434

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 051

You deserved it 261

That's not how anything works

By GodHelpMe - 01/06/2022 00:01

Today, my son got fired from work. He took it upon himself to openly insult his boss, and make racial derogatory jokes against a Hispanic coworker of his. He labeled it “freedom of speech” and is gonna “sue for wrongful termination” for “attempt to censor him for having a different opinion.” He’s 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 303

I'm new to this, sorry

By Fifi - 01/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 452

They aren't property my dude

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 14:00

Today, my brother's will left all his wealth to his second wife, while I get left his two kids and a small amount to help cover raising them, because his second wife isn’t mother material. Bitch, neither am I, I love my nieces but I’d go mad if I had to be their new parent. Leave me the money instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 281

No more late night beers

By so this is how today is going to go? - 19/06/2022 04:00

Today, I shit the bed. Like, full on shit. I had to go ahead and throw my clothes away. It made it all the way to the mattress. The worst part, it didn’t even wake me up, my alarm did, so I have no idea how long I was sleeping in my own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 09/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 103

By lapines01 - 12/08/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 348

America! **** yeah!

By Contractor - 20/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, and for the past week, I've come to accept that my dad's business is failing. He's used to hiring people willing to work for little pay from a street corner, and now those guys have all but vanished. No "real" Americans want to work for him, even for minimum wage. This country is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 910

Boundaries

By lordoftheweird - 29/06/2022 02:00

Today, I couldn't leave my room because my dad was having a foursome in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 153

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The Top

Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 620

Today, I tried to study for my upcoming engineering exam. The class I’m in is notorious for being incredibly difficult and is oftentimes the reason for people dropping out of the major. Too bad the dudes in the apartment next to me have a subwoofer and keep playing music that has way too much bass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 110

Today, I tried the "hold on tight to your thumbs in your fists" method during a deep throat, which is supposed to prevent you from throwing up. Well, it doesn’t work. I'd eaten ratatouille. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 259

Today, I'm so lonely that I actually convinced myself it was by choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 187

Today, at a wild party, I cracked open a few glowsticks and drew patterns on my face and arms with the glowing liquid, then started dancing, hoping to impress some hotties. I was tearing it up until my skin started to burn, really bad. I ended up running out screaming and calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 800

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 142

You deserved it 4 259