Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML
Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML
Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML
Today, I left my apartment in a hurry and noticed my neighbor's cat sitting outside my door. I assumed he had escaped, so I spent 15 minutes trying to coax him back upstairs. My neighbor eventually opened her door and said, “He's waiting for me to leave.” Apparently, he does this every morning. FML
Today, same as every morning recently, a neighbour's tabby cat showed up on my balcony. We've developed a routine where I say hello and he sits nearby for a few minutes. During the day, I learned it belongs to the woman I've been awkwardly avoiding in the elevator for two years. The cat likes me more than its owner does. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML
Today, I was awakened at 5:30 a.m. Did my dog need to go out? No. Did my alarm go off? No. My neighbor's asshole cat was on my window AC, scratching at my window, before pissing on the AC and jumping off. If I turn it on, my bedroom will reek of cat piss. The high today will be near 90. FML
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Top comments
japtap81 16
I don't think I'd want to know
Welshite 40
I think in this instance ignorance is indeed bliss.
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Comments (107)
cinderburner23 5
First
japtap81 16
I don't think I'd want to know
golden_warrior 23
To be honest, the dude seems pretty lonely and sad. He should go to those elderly bingo nights and try his luck with the grannies there.
ShyAnn29 15
Maybe his girlfriends name is Kat, and he calls her Kitty.
then000bster 16
My guess would be he is really into those cat videos, I mean what else is the Internet for? Or it could just be Japanese Kitty Cosplay ****
murdaloco 7
hey
ilovedinosawers 17
Obviously he's watching cat ****, while having his grandchildren give him a bath in his undies, (so as not to completely scar them.)
mrkhan17 8
Sounds like that scene from That 70's Show when Eric walks in on Red and Kitty havin sex lol.
epicRawrz 16
So many thoughts going through my head...
perdix 31
#3, care to share one here? That is the point of this site. If your comment is too embarrassing, you can always protect your anonymity by wearing sunglasses ;)
LeFrogDog 27
anyone else have the song "let's get it on" in their head?
sigurd 11
#46, Or by wearing a balloon on their head
speshlk37 13
Perhaps masturbating to old X-Men comics?
slappygecko 21
Oh kitty, my kitty, what a wonderful kitty you are.
Welshite 40
I think in this instance ignorance is indeed bliss.
zandalee 20
I'm actually worried about OP here. Why the hell are they always watching their elderly neighbor? Doesn't sound like OP gets out much... Sounds to me like the old guy has a more exciting life with his 'kitty' than OP...
vocaloidtiger 12
It's kinda hard to ignore your elderly neighbor's incessant yelling.
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
He must have been petting the cat so lusciously that the cats claws came out of its paws and started scratching him.
Welshite 40
#6: You frighten me.
Daschundman 17
Then how did his underwear get wet in this situati-... Scratch that, I don't want to know.
AkiChan_fml 7
That doesn't make your underwear wet though.......
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
I imagined him saying "kitty" in Eric Cartmans voice.
Epikouros 32
Don't you mean Eric Forman?
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
No.
adam3650 12
I'm getting Consuela's voice in my head.
IworkAt711 14
Eric Foremans mom is named Kitty so that would just be ****** up.
midwestgirl89 13
More lemon pledge!
flockz 20
sounds like he's making a pop music video.
perdix 31
He's looking for pussy. You should lock your doors and stay inside. Someone probably sold the dirty, old bastard a fake Rohypnol plant, so he can give home-grown roofies to whomever answers his caterwauling calls.
metmimo 8
Sounds like dementia to me
bReLiNg 18
It's best to be left in ignorance at times. Curiosity kills the cat.
HKCgrimmjow 15
Or rapes the cat.. But you know lol
zandalee 20
Or rapes it in this instance...