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What do I get?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 19:01 - United States - Kula

Today, it's our ten-year anniversary, and I thought finally we would break our 10-month dry spell with some action. My husband had dozed off and was snoring even before I could reach the bed after finishing my chores. So much for happily ever after… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 353

Freaked out

By Why - 09/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, there is a huge lump on my neck. I thought it was a boil, but it didn't seem to hurt at all, nor was it bothersome. It wasn't until my mom pointed out its existence and size one too many times that I started to feel uncomfortable, and now suddenly I can't sleep at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 193

Happy birthday

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, for my birthday, I'd told my boyfriend I wanted a full day in bed with Netflix, champagne, frequent sex, and a takeaway pizza at teatime. He managed sex twice 4 hours apart, kept falling asleep watching Netflix, drank too much, and threw up his pizza all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 301

Anhedonia

By dead inside - 16/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my depression has reached the point where I don't even have the energy to seriously pursue any hobbies. Any time I find the motivation to try something new, I immediately get discouraged at the slightest difficulties, and become even more depressed. I don't even know why I'm trying anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 134

Imprinting

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 09:59

Today, the best friend I grew up with since primary school, who helped me be a single mom to my son, helping with bottle feeds, nappy changing and so on, has been shagging him since he turned 20. They’re getting married next year, despite the 24-year age gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 136

Grifters gonna grift

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 05:01 - United States - Troy

Today, my sister is famous after lying on TikTok about being abused as a child. Everyone believes her and she's selling books and scamming people out of money. She also keeps posting videos saying the family is tormenting her. None of us have spoken to her in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 87

Badass

By Bloodline's Dead-End - 25/09/2024 08:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 498

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 149

Bitchy family

By is that jealousy I detect ? - 24/02/2022 17:59

Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 128

Fun times

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 15:59

Today, I learned never to try a jump-scare prank on my boyfriend. Apparently, his instinct when suddenly scared isn’t to jump or scream like a baby, it’s to throw a blind punch. Luckily, he missed but he broke my glasses by knocking them off my nose and now he won’t stop apologising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 838

Dominance

By it’s mine too - 01/03/2022 06:00

Today, and every other birthday I've had, I shared with my cousin whose birthday is 4 days apart from mine. It would be totally fine if I had an opinion on the theme, invitees, and location. Only my cousin gets that privilege apparently. Oh and my presents, if she likes them enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 122

Fantasy

By But I wanna - 15/05/2023 23:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, despite being married and renting my own apartment, I can't fulfil my teenage dream of slamming my wife on the sofa and pounding her like cheap mince, all because it would apparently "defile the sofa for the children." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 433

Grateful

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 01:08 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my mom made me shovel our long driveway, as it had just snowed a couple of inches. It took me two and half hours to finish. She came out and said, "Wow, is this really the best you can do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 180

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 110

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 331

Forget me not

By Anonymous - 23/03/2022 04:00

Today, it's been a week since my husband woke up with what the hospital says is transient amnesia. He’s lost about 15 years of memories and thinks he’s in his 20’s. We’ve only been married 5 years, and dated 3 years before that, so he has no idea who I am, has no idea his parents are dead, or who our son is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 95

Zamboni please

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 05:01

Today, I took a part time job at McDonald’s and started working in the kitchen. The floor is so greasy, you can’t walk normally, you move around like you’re on an ice rink. With some momentum built up, you can even slide a couple of meters when no one is looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 180

By JONNO - 27/04/2019 14:00

Today, I got fired from my position as a financial investor for giving a client the exact investment he asked for, even though the investment was out of my mandate, and I had gone to my direct manager to authorize the investment. My manager was promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 184

Body modification

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 14:00

Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 370

It came from outer space

By Martian man - 23/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I saw the woman I asked out last month in a relationship with another guy. She rejected me because she “wanted to focus on herself.” I texted her and asked why she had lied to me. She responded with, “Okay, you caught me. But can you blame me? I’m not attracted to butt ugly Martian-looking men.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 734

Rudderless on Instagram

By born loser - 27/06/2023 01:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, It’s been six years since I graduated high school. My peers in my grade never included me socially, and lots talked down on me or behind my back growing up. My self esteem was ruined and I’ve been pushed into dead end jobs; meanwhile lots of my bullies are now travelling and/or successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 402

Meme wars

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 22:57

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me via a meme. What the fuck? With a friend of mine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 138

Slumlords

By Nelson - 11/04/2022 12:00 - Netherlands

Today, and for the last two weeks, my asshole landlord refuses to fix the hot water supply. My shower is now so cold that peeing on myself while washing is actually helping. I need a new place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 94

And yet, here you are! Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2024 08:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 607

Anglican you keep it down?

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 204

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 133

Sometimes it's better to be ghosted

By Slob - 15/05/2022 10:00

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing ghosted me. I called, and he answered on the fourth call. He said, “Listen, you’re too fat for me and you eat like a slob everytime we go out to eat. Try getting a salad instead of chicken wings and onion rings, and maybe you’ll keep a man. Do it for your health too.” and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 655

Invasion

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 18:00

Today, and ever since we announced our pregnancy, my mother-in-law has invaded our home, taken over my hobby room, and tries to run our lives. I tried to go to the pub for a pint, one solitary pint, and she came and dragged me out by my ear, because "drinking is a sin", and I hadn’t done the dishes yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 320

Sorry dude

By Mystic241 - 09/04/2022 06:00

Today, I went to check my mail but there was a guy standing at the mailbox. I said, "Hey, get the fuck away from there." It was the mailman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 1 611

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 14:09

Today, I received my 12th rejection letter for voluntary work, as I don't have enough experience to be paid. I can't even work for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 151

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 387

You deserved it 1 712

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 834

You deserved it 2 577

Today, I finally bought an above ground pool, as wifey has insisted on one for a loooong time. It didn't cost too much, but wifey is all sulky cause it appears that a 1.8 x 3.8 x 0.9 meter pool is TOO BIG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 166

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 441

You deserved it 1 624

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 621

You deserved it 8 142

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 951

You deserved it 21 582