Thanks, mom - FML

Thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:03 - United States - Kenton

Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 213

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Let it all hang out

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, my mom was pulling up weeds on the terrace while wearing gardening gloves. Why is that worth mentioning? Because that's literally all she was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 98

By Ouchhh - 25/05/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 4 542

By maddiebauer - 26/07/2012 14:48 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 402

You deserved it 45 533

By TheRunaway21 - 06/04/2015 20:49 - United States

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 344

You deserved it 5 395

By omfgfmlife - 05/07/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 301

You deserved it 3 064

Thanks, I hate this

By creepingjennie - 05/01/2022 14:01

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to the flowering plant my passive-aggressive mother gave me for Christmas. I take two different antihistamines daily for my numerous allergies all year round, and my mother knows this is why I don't have house plants. She said, "You better not get rid of it!" I think she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 142

By My mom - 18/03/2010 01:10 - France

Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 990

You deserved it 12 211

By imobesejk - 17/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 187

You deserved it 2 816

Noise annoys

By Breathy - 07/09/2022 00:00

Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 132

Garden wars

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 14:00 - Germany

Today, my mom’s house and mine share the same garden. After I complained about an ugly compost bin she had outside my bedroom window, she finally took it away and put it… smack dab in front of my terrace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 109

Next

Top comments

PawgPower 3

Saturday 24 October 2020 20:17

Daaaang. Your moms a savage.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 24 October 2020 17:47

She's so stupid. You'd need to carry around a few trees before you could come close to offsetting the oxygen you waste.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 24 October 2020 17:47

She's so stupid. You'd need to carry around a few trees before you could come close to offsetting the oxygen you waste.

PawgPower 3

Saturday 24 October 2020 20:17

Daaaang. Your moms a savage.

Dee Dee 8

Saturday 24 October 2020 21:35

Well we are all contributing to global warming. We are all wasting oxygen. Very few of us contribute to the world in a meaningful way so tell your mom that she needs to go plant a few trees. And BTW way there is no way we are able to make up for the water we use.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 24 October 2020 22:43

We are not net consumers of water. What's running low is fresh water. It's a matter of the extra energy required to make water safe to use.

Bubbilility 27

Sunday 25 October 2020 8:18

Dad jokes are bad (in a good way) but mom jokes are savage.

coius 23

Sunday 25 October 2020 16:39

Tell her she needs to keep her legs closed if she produces nothing but nitwits. Take her down with you!

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The Top

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 999

You deserved it 2 751

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

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You deserved it 15 970

The Top

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 504

You deserved it 180

Today, I found out I was dead. Yes, you read it right! Apparently, the pickpocket who stole my wallet two days ago was murdered and since his face was quite unrecognizable, they "identified" him with my ID from my wallet. My mom, who heard this on the news, got hysterical and started trashing my room in "grief." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 85

Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360

You deserved it 218

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 677

You deserved it 251

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 977

You deserved it 3 895

Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 134

You deserved it 4 395