The Top

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How could you?

By I hate my life - 25/06/2023 18:00

Today, I found out my ex-fiance and the girl he cheated on me with are expecting. It’s bad enough he jilted me at the altar four months ago, but the fact that they’re naming their son the same name I wanted to name my miscarried son pours lemon juice in the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 143

I smell winter

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 17:02

Today, in my mom’s house, I can stay in one of two rooms: The one that's clean, tidy, quiet and has a comfortable seat… or the one that's warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 139

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 21:28

Today, I received the most comments and likes on a Facebook post for years. What exciting thing had happened in my life? Well, I bought a glow-in-the-dark plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 162

How soon is now?

By Anonymous - 03/12/2024 22:00 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept maybe fifteen hours. I'm supposed to be getting better but I'm not sure if I am and that scares the hell out of me. My room is a mess and I'm hungry. Maybe if i just get one sweet kiss, I'll be alright. I'm trying. I think? I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like there's something wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 487

By Fat Bastard - 20/05/2019 04:02

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 320

Garden party

By Awkward is my name - 09/07/2023 12:00

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 061

I'm not making shit up, I swear

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 22:00

Today, I'm waiting to be examined thanks to a clitoral abscess. It burst yesterday and has now shrunk to nothing, so the doctor will probably dismiss me again. This is the eighth time in five months, and no one will take me seriously. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 144

Bad women's anatomy

By real nice pal - 10/04/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, I confronted my dad about his horrible attitude toward women. I pointed out that a man with as many sisters and daughters as he has, shouldn’t refer to women who’ve had children as “damaged goods”. He laughed and said, “Ah well, once it’s been blown out, it’s no good to anyone.” Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 209

Watching your prime go by

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 00:01 - United States - Verona

Today, I've reached the age as a sexless loser where my family no longer tells me to find a "single lady" but rather a "single mother". Thanks for reminding me everyone else had fun in their twenties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 243

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 09:00 - United States - Warren

Today, the cold I caught last Friday decided to go into the home stretch the day after Christmas. I have sneezing fits late at night. Typically ten sneezes or more in a row and I have no idea when this stupid cold will end. Surprisingly, the worst I had before this was a sore throat and a bit of dry mouth. That's it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 104

Hey you, and welcome, my name is Mike…

By paranoid much? - 30/04/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, thanks to too many true crime podcasts and shows, my wife has lost her marbles. She now insists we use code names for our kids while out in public, so that no predators will hear their real names and follow us home to kidnap them. She’s completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 150

Either/Or

By Confused - 09/05/2022 14:00

Today, my long distance girlfriend finally responded to me, after a week of silence. Unfortunately, the response was to block me. I'm pretty sure she has found someone else, but doesn't want to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 145

Hairy situation

By hair today gone tomorrow - 23/04/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, a guy I liked came to pick me up for our first date. As he opened the car door, I noticed nearly an inch of dog hair on every surface of the interior. Not wanting to get it all over me, I asked if we could take my car instead. He was so “insulted” he drove off and left me standing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 445

By clair_brodie - 04/07/2019 20:00

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 227

When the going gets tough…

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 04:00

Today, I ordered in a kebab and decided to play Billy Ocean on full blast as I waited. The delivery driver reached the lobby, and as I run down, I left my keys behind. So here I am, eating a kebab, outside my house, whilst "Love Really Hurts Without You" plays on the other end of the door. The person with the keys comes in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 839

Little Man Syndrome

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 02:00

Today, my boyfriend suffers from Little Man Syndrome and I’m thinking of dumping him, because last night was the seventh time in a year I had to pick him up from hospital after he deliberately picked a fight with a guy bigger than himself and got knocked out. Now he has black eyes and no front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 193

We don't need no education

By whyisitneverenough - 26/08/2023 08:00

Today, after years of toil and stress, and months of agony and torture, I have received my iGCSE exam results. I passed them all but because I'm a perfectionist and didn't get the highest grades, I feel like crap. Now I'm thinking about how I'll have to go through it all again for A levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 812

Abalaschabalamanama

By help meeeee - 14/03/2021 17:01

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 186

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 193

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 16/08/2017 16:00

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 106

You deserved it 501

Crybabies

By PooperParty - 05/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 1 840

Pecking order of shame

By We're men! We don't grow up, we just grow old. - 23/09/2023 20:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, a noisy little kid in the bus seated behind me asked his mom loudly, "Why is that big man watching cartoons for girls?" Me and the guy next to me, who too was watching on his phone, paused for a bit. He smirked, shaking his head, laughing under his breath. He was watching anime; I was watching My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 993

Earplug time

By Jeanette - 21/06/2022 18:00

Today, I caught a cold. Turns out that the neighbours who have noisy children have also caught COVID and have to isolate for a week. I not only have to deal with a cold, but I have to overhear kids shows and crying through the thin wall dividing our houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 923

GOT FML

By so not funny! - 28/06/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother's. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 193

Kids will be kids

By sillydad - 29/09/2023 14:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I finally found out my suspicions about my 12 year-old daughter were correct, and I don’t know which one is worse: She's had a boyfriend and has denied it for the last 3 months, or the fact that my partner thought it was a good idea to let it go on for this long without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 755

So brave…

By just say you want to leave! - 02/10/2023 16:00

Today, I got a bouquet of beautiful flowers from someone I'd never heard of. My boyfriend flipped his shit and stormed out, calling me a cheater. I called the flower shop. Turns out he made a fake order, just so he could accuse me of cheating and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 103

By Julie - 26/08/2019 04:00

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 722

Gumbo time

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 18:00

Today, I cooked for the future in-laws and was accused of trying to poison them. Absolutely no one told me, even as they watched me cook shrimp and smoked sausage gumbo, that my mother-in-law is deathly allergic to shellfish and my father-in-law gets severe diarrhoea when he eats pork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 131

Authoritarian regime

By A…… - 02/04/2025 15:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, after my husband yet again failed to complete his To-Do list, I took away his Xbox and PlayStation and told him he could have them back once the list was done. He stared at me and said, "No. You're not my mother. Give them back and we will talk like adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 196

Got it

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 23:00

Today, my ex asked me if I would reconsider a future with him. I said, “Only if we can learn to communicate effectively." He said, “Good talk, this time you actually got through to me.” Then he ceased all communication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 146

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The Top

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 292

You deserved it 3 643

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 397

You deserved it 3 460

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 3 532

Today, I found why exactly my clothes always seemed more stretched out after about a week of owning them. My mom steals and wears them when she goes clubbing. My mom is 46, twice my size, and gets out more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 062

You deserved it 3 840

Today, my soon-to-be former boss tried to NOT pay me for working on Christmas Eve, but I called her out. Now, she's blocked me out of her life, and is looking for my replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 152

Today, my parents told me that we were going to go and see my uncle, who lives very far away. I got excited, until I realized they fucking lied so I would attend the funeral of an acquaintance of my father, whom I had never met in my life, and he only met a couple times. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 146