Spicy

Sexy time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 222

You deserved it 1 784

One simple trick

By HotAndBotheredAndSad - 25/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 134

Uninvited

By Boner Jim - 24/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 139

Take a break

By Anonymous - 24/07/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I visited my brother and found him with his head up his wife’s shirt. Her explanation was he’d had a bad day so she was making it better. It really drove home how shit my marriage is. My wife hasn’t let me touch her in months and wouldn’t care if I’d had a bad day, even if I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 148

**** brainrot

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while playing cards, me and my boyfriend were getting super competitive and started wagering sexual stuff. His first and only choice: anal. Why only anal? All the time anal, there’s hundreds of other things to try, why do men always go straight to anal? It’s gets boring after a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 231

Concerning

By Anonymous - 22/07/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during sex I wasn’t really into it so I was letting my mind wander and it randomly settled on my sister's birthday and how I needed to buy a gift. As my husband seemed like he was about to finish, I faked my orgasm and accidentally moaned my sister's name. He heard me, so now he’s "concerned". FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 530

Body horror

By Pierced - 17/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband came home with his dick pierced. I shrieked in horror and told him to get it away from me. He's now sulking that I won't indulge his weird impulse and am refusing sex until he removes the piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 310

Don't threaten me with a good time

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I received a package in the mail from a guy, with no warning. He then blocked me. It was a strap on. What do I even do with this thing now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 139

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 144

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I realised I might be a masochist. I enjoy being owned like an object and ordered like a slave. I don’t know where my life will go anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 319

Gooners rise up

By Meanwhile we barely ever fuck - 06/07/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left his laptop open, signed into a chat program. I learned why he started working out and eating right. Not to look good for me or be healthier. No, he planned his entire diet and exercise plan so he could shoot the biggest loads possible during "goon sessions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 145

Someone needs a good talking to

By Anonymous - 02/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband once again woke me up in the wee hours to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but as soon as he nuts he rolls over and goes right back to sleep. I however am stuck awake and can’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 147

Man's best friend

By jess - 01/07/2025 20:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 570

Unacceptable

By Anonymous - 01/07/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found sex tapes on my husband's computer of me and him. Not only have I never done a sex tape, we were doing stuff I’ve never done before. Turns out he got an AI to make them, since I don’t do that stuff for him, he thought the acceptable alternative was to make fakes to wank over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 541

Frustrated girl

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 20:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 177

Enjoy the ride

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I found out my boyfriend is a sex addict, so now I don’t know if he even actually likes me, or if it’s just that I’m “adventurous.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 126

Adding insult to insult

By Ugh - 25/06/2025 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, a month after our breakup, my ex sent me a glorious butt pic. This was followed up with, "Wrong person, please delete that." I asked her for two years to send me sexy pictures, and she always refused, saying it was "too slutty" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 121

Routine

By RIP - 24/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 173

Perverted justice

By Anonymous - 23/06/2025 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, I pretended to be a little girl on social media, just for fun. All I got was a random guy who sent me a direct message and asked me to send a photo of my private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 606

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 122

Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I’ve broken up with every man I’ve dated, teen years to adulthood, for no reason. I left my soulmate convinced my body was rejecting him physically. It turns out I have involuntary pelvic spasms and need therapy to dilate, and also therapy due to anxiety with penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 178

Get it on

By Em. - 21/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my married mom has been having an affair with my best friend for over a year. When I tried to fight him, he knocked me on my ass and said, "Your mom is sexy, and your dad's tiny dick wasn't good enough for her. Don't screw this up for me or I'll beat your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 139

Naughty boy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to wear glasses for the first time in my life and my husband won’t stop pestering me because I now look like a librarian, which gets his nerd engine revving like mad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m liking the affection, and who doesn’t want sex more often, but not 2-3 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 226

Flirtatious mood

By Anonymous - 19/06/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I sent a guy an up-skirt shot, trying to be cute and flirty. He responded with a series of increasingly more mean emojis, including the laughing eyes, the green nausea face, and finally the poop emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 373

The happy couple

By Sexless - 18/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, on our honeymoon, my wife still won't have sex with me. When I brought it up, she started crying and said she's still "not ready" for sex. We're both in our late twenties. When the fuck will she be ready? FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 237

What's Charlie Sheen up to these days?

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother, a real Alan Harper-type of snivelling parasite, has been sleeping on my sofa for over a week since his girlfriend threw him out. If I kick him out, the guilt will eat me alive, but now my wife has informed me I’m never getting sex again until he’s gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 220

About that "why"…

By Wtf - 15/06/2025 15:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out that the girl I like is fucking my friend. The friend who she always said was "a disgusting sexist pig" and swore she hated. The worst part is, she's right, he's a complete dick to women. I don't know how or why he got in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 125

Happy pride month?

By CuckedByIncognito - 13/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, I realized my husband’s true “ride or die” is his dick. He’s posted it online, cammed with strangers, and fantasized about men, while I raised our kids, did IVF alone, and stayed loyal through deployments. He says he loves me. I’m not the gender of his fantasies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 116

Rico Suave

By eww - 12/06/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 115

I get around

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 20:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my slutty ex, whom I'd dumped because she cheated on me, cheated on her new boyfriend as well. With me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 732

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Party Health Drunk Animals Cats Wake up Gross Public freakouts LGBTQIA+ Coworkers Awkward Work Birds Cute Money Ironic Scams Shopping Love Parents Argument Kids Social Media Miscellaneous Relatable Sports Annoying Cheating YouTube Weird

The Top

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 425

You deserved it 13 072

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 548

You deserved it 2 571

Today, my 3-year-old pooped on the floor and blamed it on the dog. How do I know? We don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 462

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 437

You deserved it 246

Today, I moved into my first house and realised pretty quick that my estate agent lied to me about how great this neighbourhood was. I was in the house for 30 minutes when I heard the neighbours having a screaming domestic in their garden, then a brick flew over the fence and broke my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 135

Today, my adoptive parents were harassed yet again simply because they're black and I'm white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 72