Work: Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

26/07/2014 02:06

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 440

You deserved it 5 179

Stop talking!

Walk on the wild side

Tough choice

Backwards world

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 03:02

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 253

01/04/2012 21:36

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 713

You deserved it 26 405

07/02/2012 01:23

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 943

You deserved it 2 847

02/10/2010 14:26

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 669

You deserved it 2 961

Keep out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 13:57

Spicy

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 90

04/12/2010 05:20

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 524

You deserved it 3 779

26/01/2012 19:09

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 5 124

13/03/2010 09:17

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 10 036

30/07/2009 05:56

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 455

You deserved it 87 680

28/07/2016 02:50

Today, I discovered that despite locking the bathroom door of an airplane, a man is still fully capable of walking in on you changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 707

You deserved it 1 909

15/09/2016 12:39

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 583

You deserved it 853

01/11/2011 05:01

Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 825

You deserved it 4 797

Priorities

By Brodam - 17/09/2020 14:01

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 168

Furry family

By crazy dog lady - 02/11/2020 02:02

Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 213

John Tucker would've known what to do.

By Dan - 09/10/2017 04:30

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 2 972

12/10/2011 08:13

Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 481

You deserved it 5 666

05/09/2009 13:39

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the way to meet him. While chatting, I told him that I had a rip in my favorite jeans. When he sympathetically apologized, I said "It's okay, you're just going to take them off in a minute, anyway." I forgot my mom was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 588

You deserved it 70 992

18/06/2009 04:52

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 348

You deserved it 6 680

05/05/2013 04:28

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 708

You deserved it 7 272

15/11/2012 06:35

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 800

You deserved it 2 491

18/07/2009 11:26

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 242

You deserved it 59 765

22/08/2012 22:22

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 342

You deserved it 2 976

10/03/2009 15:01

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 187

You deserved it 3 418

21/07/2010 20:31

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 009

You deserved it 6 204

17/10/2015 18:23

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 049

You deserved it 1 691

09/06/2014 19:37

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 441

You deserved it 5 188

08/05/2016 16:56

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 563

You deserved it 2 504

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 858

08/08/2018 20:30

Today, at 9 o’clock in the morning while I was working, I made the mistake of being comfortable with a machine that literally bends and breaks steel bars. I lost my entire middle finger and the top third of my pinky and ring fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 1 496

Good news

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 13:58

Today, I had a bit of good news with a letter that stated we were owed money by overpaying Council Tax. I phoned them, announcing myself. However, it turns out we actually owe THEM money, due to an error they made giving me and my husband a discount we weren't entitled to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 80

06/03/2010 05:14

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 224

You deserved it 41 192

03/08/2013 04:29

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 631

You deserved it 8 428

18/05/2010 05:22

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 337

You deserved it 39 066

13/10/2012 13:38

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 701

You deserved it 2 700

10/04/2009 01:15

Spicy

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 018

You deserved it 85 102

Backseat drivers

By SadSister:( - 11/01/2015 00:15

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 919

You deserved it 3 033

13/07/2016 07:50

Today, my phone autocorrected "with chills" to "with child" in the middle of a message, and I didn't notice until I was contacted several hours later by a panicking friend. My gastric flu is now rumoured to have been morning sickness, all because I can't proofread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 637

You deserved it 2 253

19/01/2011 03:40

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 779

You deserved it 3 157

16/03/2010 10:55

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 163

You deserved it 14 806

13/06/2015 16:34

Today, my parents bought my 11-year-old brother a MacBook for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 042

You deserved it 2 393

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

nekkis 19

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:30

well that... blows

Queen_bee1234 21

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:57

Sounds like you are in a zitty situation. Please don't kill me.

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:29

That sounds horrible. Can't you take a day off or get something proscribed for that?

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:51

A day off..? For pimples..? Yes, it sucks to be in pain but seriously the world is turning into a bunch of pussies! OP should just take some ibuprofen and get on with it.

itwasthedognotme 14

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 13:38

'The show must go on!' :/

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 16:30

5 - If said pimples prevent the OP from doing his job, then yes, I think it's reasonable that he take a day off.

Ilikepie82479 20

Send a private message

Sunday 27 July 2014 0:01

With a symphony or orchestra every person is very important and without one person the whole thing is messed up especially with trombones

Send a private message

Sunday 27 July 2014 4:54

Only brass players would understand this. I play the trumpet. I feel you, bro!

nekkis 19

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:30

well that... blows

Send a private message

Sunday 27 July 2014 0:26

Am I the only one that really want a to see the pimples?

stillalive33 14

Send a private message

Sunday 27 July 2014 1:02

I'm a horn player and it hurts so bad that my eyes water with every note

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:37

Tooth paste (not the gel kind) will help dry them out. I know it's too late now, but for future reference. Just apply at night and wash off in the Am. If that is too strong smelling make a paste of baking soda and water, it works the same way.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 15:34

Sometimes peroxide or antibiotic ointment can help as well. Also, sanitize your mouthpiece every time! And wipe your mouth down with an astringent after every concert/practice, it stops junk from building up and making zits. I would know, I was an acne prone trumpet player.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 19:11

Actually you should NEVER use toothpaste on pimples as it irritates your skin even more and thus, only makes it worse.

Send a private message

Monday 28 July 2014 9:57

I used to use toothpaste as well for my zits and it worked fairly well despite leaving dry spots. But my mom's coworker also did this and woke up one morning with a bloody hole where the toothpaste was. So I'm a little paranoid about the whole toothpaste method now.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:51

Maybe you should visit a dermatologist

J215B 33

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:57

Either get a new profession or see a dermatologist.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 16:24

Oh yes, find a new job because of some lip pimples!! That's always the case!!

that_band_nerd 22

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 22:12

Let me just go dust off my medical license and I'll be all set to work until this acne is taken care of!

Queen_bee1234 21

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:57

Sounds like you are in a zitty situation. Please don't kill me.

J215B 33

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 13:05

It's pimple really. You need a good home remedy and you'll just be itching to get back to popping out some tunes.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 13:32

*loads shotgun*

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 16:43

Why'zit such a big deal, anyway? They're only pimples. I guess OP could take some time off, but doing that might blemish his work performance.

Verst 16

Send a private message

Monday 28 July 2014 6:34

OFF WITH HER HEAD!

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 12:59

Give it a rest for a few weeks.Or go to the docters.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 14:56

take a few whole weeks off for their job over it?.......

powelale0000 19

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 21:49

Just out of curiosity, have any of you guys ever been to the "docters"?

nlm92 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 July 2014 22:26

And leave your orchestra for a week? I'm not thinking so, not in the professional world. Maybe ask to play 3rd for a while or if ur gonna dip at least find a sub

PassiveAggresive 12

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 13:06

Ouch!! Maybe try and take care of that before the next time you play! There are some pretty good face cleaners out.

bacon_lover100 11

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 13:23

I know how you feel i play trumpet and those pimples can really hurt.

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 13:25

clean the mouth piece on your trombone, its probably dirty and causing the breakouts....