Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
aKaClickZ 4
At least it wasn't lit on fire
sniken 14
I doubt the dog did it all by herself...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (111)
sunkissedluster 20
What a bitch. :/
sniken 14
I doubt the dog did it all by herself...
XxDevilxXGt 26
No the neighborhood Mafia composed of a parakeet, 5 hamsters, a squirrel, and a pitbull is responsible for this!
LolPieRofl 11
#11- I love you for your comment.
aKaClickZ 4
At least it wasn't lit on fire
aKaClickZ 4
referencing billy Madison btw
PuggieKid 22
Im sure its a misunderstanding
lacirenae 6
ODOYLE RULES! X)
sens3sfailing 24
The flaming dog shit in a bag is a really well known, commonly used prank. You do not need to cite your sources. If people don't get it, that sucks for them. For us of us who do get it, it only ruins the joke...
sens3sfailing 24
those of us*
plum_lovin 28
I would have left a note on my door saying "Person who left crap at my door, what the hell did I do to you?" and see if I get a response... lol
joshiepo0 18
That's some funny shit right there.
RICKYisCLASSY 5
I see what you did there
SPRKY 6
Shit just hit the fan!
joshiepo0 18
Good you have the ability to understand it. Now have the ability to understand that you don't have to post that you understood it.
howdeedoo 22
3-So much better than "that's a shitty situation." Thank you
SPRKY 6
My apologies for the shitty pun. I'll just bite my lip and hold it in next time.
asb818 14
Biting your lip is fine, but I don't recommend holding in your shit.
HortonThelephant 15
There is a stigmatized joke pertaining to shit and "it" getting real. Just wait for it..
nycwrestler 17
Real just got shit!
HortonThelephant 15
After reading ops' name and every comment, I have opted to threadjack myself, and propose that it WAS in fact The Mafia. Amish Mafia that is. and that was horse manure, not dog poop.
ChaoticBacon 6
The fecal matter has struck the rotational wind deflector.
Shmatterhorn 38
No, it impacted the forced air node in a particularly odiferous manner. ;)
sens3sfailing 24
That joke was comparable to animal excrement.
zebraumicornz 6
Hide yo kids hide yo wife cuz they putti dog shit everywhere
bestnameright 14
Or what more than dog poop is...
DustyStorm 16
Holy crap im glad that wasn't just me going wtf? You totally made me snort....
dancinwookie 21
*punches ya in the nuts* "You know what you did!"
Rddvl 11
Maybe it's time to invest in some security cameras?
Shmatterhorn 38
Maybe OP can get that material DNA tested? It might tell what breed of dog or cat it is.
TopBanana20 11
How will DNA testing help him figure out who he pissed off and how? -__-
genericfmluser 17
because it might not truly be dog poop.
tj5810 21
Or stop sleep walking.
matt98_fml 13
Maybe you could get a finger print test on the paper so you can track them down. Hopefully it was a mistake and not aimed towards you.
nycwrestler 17
They could step it up. They could get the dog shit print sent to a science lab, have them test the genetics, then put it through the world wide dog data base, and see which dog the shit belongs to.
matt98_fml 13
Maybe do both. :3
Sputnikspak 13
Technically, there *is* a DNA database for dogs. It's in Toronto, Ontario, but sadly, it'll do little more than tell you what breeds of dog your dog is (basically, a mutt identifier). And you'll need a mouth swab and around $80.
jalapeno64 10
Ooooooooh! Shit's getting real!!!!