Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML
Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML
Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML
Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML
Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, as a flight attendant, I had to deal with a passenger staring at a stewardess constantly and masturbating. His wife was sitting next to him and didn't mind. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
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Top comments
Bonzer 2
Maybe you'll learn something new about toothpicks. I have no idea about their story and I would like to know.
LappDance 16
I hope you brought headphones!
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Comments (142)
Bonzer 2
Maybe you'll learn something new about toothpicks. I have no idea about their story and I would like to know.
KrazieKleo 13
I rather have a peaceful flight than listen to someone pray out aloud and tell me about toothpicks against my will.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#8 - I think most people would rather have a peaceful flight. :P OP - Ask the priest to quite down, and politely tell the old man you're tired and that you need some sleep. I'm sure if they aren't lunatics, they will understand. If not, hopefully you brought headphones!
GodPart2 20
Or just start making farting noises and loud burps.. They'll leave you alone... As will the whole plane... :)
iiAntheA17 7
It's funny how everyone is telling OP to do this, and do that. But the flight is most likely done with...
domking1315 20
So a preist and an old man walk onto a plane...
doctorhook86 25
I'm with #1; I wanna hear the story. Also, prayer doesn't bother me, because I'm not some idiot who hates religion. (Yeah, I said that.) Why do you hate meeting new people, OP?
Futacy 30
The old man sounds alright.
Trisha_aus 15
Was Skrillex also on the plane, and you happened to see him go to the toilet and followed? Just wondering how he found time to blow you..
tjv3 10
Well at least you weren't bored.
Awkward_Science 2
I'm not sure what the problem is, you get to learn the history of the toothpick AND get protection through association with a priest!
PeeNaught 3
Haha, @1 no kidding right, I love old people and their stories...it's like the history channel on audio, and never complain about praying out loud or not, you never know why someone is praying...for all you know he was going thru a major tragedy or on his way to a funeral or something...just saying.
PinkieKeen 20
At least you know where toothpicks came from.
jessicircle 16
I find the history of toothpicks VERY interesting.. but I rather hear stories about how sculptures made out of toothpicks came to be. Try to ignore, OP.
pokefan813 16
I'm not too interested in toothpicks. But if it was bacon, however...
speshlk37 13
I'm pretty sure the toothpick was invented when thousands of years ago, a monkey used a stick to get food out from between his teeth.
ColdplaySucks 18
If only OP's airplane had TVs on the back of their seats like some planes do. That would make it easy for OP to ignore them both.
FMLshark 12
I'm pretty sure the last man to try to tell me the story of how toothpicks came to be was Buzz Killington.
Michael_92 20
I know! A bacon toothpick! It will change the world forever!
XxH3AV3NLYxX 3
I agree with 37..
LappDance 16
I hope you brought headphones!
boating_guy 33
the noise-canceling ones, in particular
21jason 9
Most airplanes I've ever been on give you some
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Ah man you beat me to it.. But seriously who doesn't bring headphones on a plane? Sometimes they have some that are complimentary.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Why? So he can listen to Skrillex blowing him? (Ref to ops username)
mrshaffer 2
79 ur me just made me lol
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm you? What?
Ray_of_midnight 23
I bring headphones *and earplugs*. Pop earplugs in, pretend to sleep, done. No more chatty neighbors, screaming babies, and greatly diminished airplane noise as well.
MURIKKA 11
At least you don't have a guy speaking in jive.... Jive is very difficult to understand.
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
Jive?
Enslaved 38
Example of Jive, taken from the movie "Airplane" (seems fitting) I love this movie!(: First Jive Dude: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know? Second Jive Dude: Hey home', I can dig it. Know ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you, man!
gracehi 33
It's not so bad if you have a translator. A Jive translator comes in real handy when an in-flight airplane is plagued by bad fish.
Enslaved 38
Gracehi, I see you're a fan as well!(: Great reference!
gracehi 33
Thanks! :)
nukeacat 9
Airplane is an awesome movie! :D
ninjacapo 2
Op.... GETTA HOLD OF YOURSELF *slap*
SkoomaKi 28
No better time to listen to music or the on board television? The story about the toothpick could be a time consumer. Was there a baby too? There's always one.. always.
lonkite101 14
I totally agree Skoomaki. But I think they were both being good. I guess it's better then having him worship Satan out loud. Btw Skoomaki, why did you take me off your bio? :'(
Sir_Crackerjacks 5
And not like the baby noise at the theater that everyone thinks is real either. At least that one stops, plane babies on the other hand never stop. Ever.
dominic1221 6
51- Same reason I'm not on his list. Cause all of my comments and yours suck balls.
lonkite101 14
53- my comments don't suck. A lot of times my friend gets on my account and ***** with it. But most of the time, like a lot of other good commenters, if you don't have a really good comment to say, you don't say it at all.
RussianFox 13
Get over it. Are you really that upset about being taken off someone's list?
COOL__Coal 12
And yes ionkite all your comments suck.
lonkite101 14
**** YOU
Dalliance 4
You should've gotten the old man to talk to the praying priest.
TheDrifter 24
He's likely praying out loud so toothpick man avoids him.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Should have activated troll mode and asked the question: 'Would they have had toothpicks at the last supper?'
atitud3 12
Fyl man, that is pure torture :/
zandalee 20
Hire one of those movie players and watch nonstop movies.
misspulkadot24 17
Pure torture is having bamboo shoots shoved into your nails while being stretched in a stretcher like a piece of taffy while trolls tickle you with knives. This situation is just annoying.
lonkite101 14
7- the toothpick thing sounds cool! :D
Bluekaren16 19
Gosh the story of how the toothpick came to be sounds very intriguing but on the other hand the priest praying out loud can be a blessing. Whats not to like?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
That's what headphones are made for. Don't tell me you didn't bring some sort of entertainment for a 7 hour flight.
MCRaddict15 15
Right? I always bring a plentiful amount of books, an iPod, and notebooks so I can draw. Of course, that might not stop the priest and the toothpick man, but it will block them out for awhile.
RabidBunny 10
Interesting crowd. Where exactly is your destination? :D
SqueakyChipmunk 22
The final one.