Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML
Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML
Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
It's hot!
Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML
Surprise!
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Top comments
Idiotskillme 20
At least he has manners :)
BoltTheSuperdog 22
At least you know that he respects your privacy!
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Comments (228)
TheMDragon 7
Maybe he's just not ready for intercourse?
thefastnfuryass 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Definitely a virgin.
thatssomia 12
well, atleast you know you're going out with a gentleman?
xx000o 27
Did you go outside and get him?
ace_arnie 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe he wasn't all that seduced by what he saw, and had to get some fresh air...
junkman6 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like he was trying to be polite, or just went full retard. It's really hard to tell.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I don't see how this could be going "full retard", though I can see your first point of being polite as a possibility.
lexiieeex3 32
Do you think it's funny to call someone a retard? Would you call someone with Down syndrome or CP or autism a retard? No, (hopefully) you wouldn't. Don't insult those people by calling someone who missed a sexual cue a "retard." Or better yet, don't use the word at all. It's downright insulting. As a future special education teacher I'm disgusted to see that people like you still exist. Show some respect.
zadok24 11
Chill, it was a movie quote.
Not_Impressed13 9
So he went "Full Special"?
mikbrooke 25
i understand where #21 is coming from. it can be a movie quote, but for someone who has a relative with a disability (my brother has down syndrome) or like #21, chooses to be a special education teacher, we can take great offence to the word retard. it is an insult. it does not mean stupid, like most people seem to think it does.
nightbirdblue 27
#21 Because the whole idea behind the term is completely derogatory, right? The original meaning couldn't have be referring to a slowness or retardation in aspects of intelligence. We waste so much time coming up with better more politically correct terms for every thing. We could probably solve the world's problems if we put the time and energy we used for making up 'better' terms and lashing out at those that don't use the newest terms. Besides that it's a movie reference, so calm your ****.
FML_Elle 17
Retard carries a negative stigma. Watch videos on awareness to pledge this out of your vocab. You guys may say it's an okay word but it really isn't. I have a twin brother with autism so I'm not ignorant when it comes to this subject. #21, you have a great point and I'm disappointed so many thumbed you down. However, if you want to get your point across its best to be calm about it or everyone will mistake you for a rambling idiot.
tiernang 21
Since the word was made for the mentally slow, but it's insulting to say it, why don't we just change the definition? It is never used the way it's intended anyway.
evolute72113 9
For god's sake there is always that one JACKASS that has to take things TOO FAR there was never any mention of people with disorders but ASSHOLES LIKE YOU have to ruin something meant to be funny of stupid people like you need to get off these types of apps
SqueakyChipmunk 21
I agree with 52, but I have a bad feeling that he'll get down voted.
junkman6 22
Not even gonna touch the comments about the word being offensive, take it how you will. I don't have time for hypersensitivity. @ #14 basically because most of the girlfriends I've had that would be waiting for me in my house after work, let's say I would have known them for a while. Seeing them in nothing but a tshirt I would also expect that they were feeling randy. Unless the guy is extremely shy or just had a huge brain fart(is that more PC, or will I be yelled at because someone's cousins uncle once had an air bubble that caused a brain hemorrhage, so brain fart is now too mean to say?) his reaction makes no sense.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
#21 and #41, the definition of retarded is "not working correctly. " I have the utmost respect for handicapped people. I never make fun of them or call them names. However, if my computer is messing up, or a friend does something dumb, I WILL jokingly call them retarded. I'm not making fun of an actually-handicapped person, and I really refuse to be as politically correct as everyone is getting these days. To me, it's like the soccer games where there "is no score" (everyone wins). It's pointless and wasted energy to keep people from saying certain words that aren't meant to hurt others.
RedPillSucks 31
His reaction makes perfect sense. Not every guy is so hypersexual that seeing a half naked girl means an invitation to sex. The dude had a long day at work and was tired. Cut him some slack. My wife prances around in the nude half the time (She hates wearing clothes). It's just the way she is, not an invitation for sex. She spends 9hrs a day as a judge in some highly proper setting. When she gets home, she wants to relax. I've learned to give her the space to do that.
Scynistr 20
People give power to words.. Calm down..
junkman6 22
Well #68 I can honestly say I've never had a partner that pranced around in the nude unless she was trying to seduce me. I think that's most people's experience as well. But that's where knowing about your partner comes into play.
amisenho 11
#41: It depends on how you use the word. I never say it in public for that very reason, but I use it when I'm describing a person who knows better than to do something incredibly stupid and ends up making a jackass out of him/herself.
nubbles10 14
I'm going to chime in my two cents with the whole 'retard is a bad word' argument. The way I see it words lose their meaning, or their meaning is altered, ect all the time, and people have to adapt to use that new word. The fact is that retard existed long before it was used to label people with disabilities, but it meant slow, dull, or broken, the medical field adopted it as a term to describe people with disorders, and the word retard is still used to describe these people, but is much less common in the medical field. Back to the point of the story, the word 'nice' was also used to describe people with the same disorders once. Doesn't seem a bit hypocritical to say 'Calling someone a retard isn't nice.'Now? TL;DR Times change and you have to chance with them, people, grow up.
Roskie 16
#43 I get your point about the original meaning of the word, but objecting to its use as an insult is hardly "politically correct." (I'm autistic, by the way.)
juturnaamo 29
87, you kick ass. From now on when someone's being a bitch, I'm just going to call them nice.
cgart96 15
Quit being such a Retard, 21.
SuperStormCindy 8
Snooki is better than she was then. She's got her Fiancee (maybe husband now), her adorable son, she's matured very much. You need to stop being disrespectful.
Lacist 19
Oh but it does mean stupid, or slow. It's just that over time the word is killed by more and more euphemisms, I can't even say someone is special without them being offended. English is dying.
kuzzy00 22
My god! Some people are such emotionally unstable creatures. Look lady, the baby-boom generation are relentless with slang, and we use "retarded" to describe a slow/clueless person. Hate to break the news to you, but this is the Internet. We don't give a flying f**k if you have a retarded son (stuff sugar-coating "disability"), have education in dealing with retarded people, or that you feel the need to bitch out for using the word retarded. Quite frankly, movies use the term often, games use it, and WELCOME to the Internet! We will use the words we create for our own purposes, without restriction, and in all relentlessness.
PresidentNorth 16
#104 obviously you're one of the people that obsess over fake reality shows. You can't really expect people to not think of her a certain way when that's how she presented herself. She was trashy then regardless of her come up people will always remember the bad over the good.
kuzzy00 22
#90: for someone who openly admits to having a retarded mental disorder (autism), your literacy is very good.
17nate 9
#21, the comma should be after the "(hopefully)".
richyboy 2
Retard means slow... Calm down. Though i respect you for wanting to help the disabled
lexiieeex3 32
41- Thanks :) I just feel really passionately about the use of that word. I have met so many learning disabled students who have cried multiple times because of mean kids calling them that word and yes, I realize it as from a movie, but that doesn't make it funny. My cousin has CP and would be classified as "retarded." But he is not. He has a disability and that dies not define him. Sorry for the rant.
lexiieeex3 32
48- Thank you. I'm just disappointed that people still think it's an acceptable term to use. It just makes me cringe.
itcomesinthrees 10
It also annoys me when people use the R word. I don't see how this got so many thumbs down, most people I know would find OP's choice of words inappropriate..
kniggit 10
The reason why we shouldn't use "gay" or "retarded" as adjectives for things we don't like is exactly the same. I know most people don't mean to be offensive to people of those groups, but we can't just use that for an excuse for saying them. It doesn't take much effort to take it out of our vocabulary. 111's kind of mentality is exactly why we have the "world's problems" 43 talks about. How can we solve anything if we are unwilling to take one word out of our vocabulary that could hurt someone or stigmatizes a population of people?
Idiotskillme 20
At least he has manners :)
Kamon97 23
Damn ikr never thought I'd see a gentleman on FML :o
Marshallino 24
I was going to say that.
barakados 11
Oh well then the comment is official yours man. Take all it's likes, and glory, instead of bitching around.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
At least you know that he respects your privacy!
LostMy_Marbles 24
He's a gentleman - don't let him go! It's quite sweet he's thinking of your privacy
Leoandam 9
He was probably just a little shocked. Tell him that you didn't want him to knock and see if he gets the message then.
watchclock 11
So cute!
ddlovatolover 23
Such a gentleman!
iMuffinKat 16
Ikr
Melix 31
Atleast he's polite!
Wizardo 33
He's the type of guy where you have to grab him and strap him down to get your intentions, do it.
juturnaamo 29
That might want to be careful that in doing this you aren't actually raping him.
TheDrifter 23
Grab, tie and explain intentions before doing naughty, kinky things to your partner? That way you can determine consent, they can't get embarrassed and run away and you'll have a head start on the fun if they say yes.
Dkman 11
That's damn true. But not alot of girls these days do that
juturnaamo 29
I actually know as many men as women who have been victims of date rape, though drugs were usually involved in the case of the men. Men are just much less likely to report it.
PassiveAggresive 12
Yeah, oddly enough drugs are involved in date rape. Weird.
ruckfules85 34
Feel like a sir. The manners on him.
Indianboy9321 25
I think that's really sweet that you have that sort of innocence in your relationship. He doesn't want you purely for sex like so many of the FMLs seem to show; he's a keeper! BUT if you do want to seduce him, talk to him to see if he is comfortable with your techniques! Communication is the key to good sex!
nyancait 18
I agree haha! Personally I would think that's adorable!!