Miscellaneous: It's hot! - FML

It's hot!

By joyf - 08/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 2 347

Taking stock

Congratulations!

Are you experienced?

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 676

You deserved it 6 314

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 482

You deserved it 6 180

By Phabia - 21/04/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 888

You deserved it 2 310

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 12:30 - United States - Redding

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 975

You deserved it 1 550

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:46 - France

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 536

You deserved it 3 689

By Death By Parent - 19/07/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 885

You deserved it 7 892

By CrapDay - 18/01/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark to go off to work. I saw what looked like a piece of slime that my children would play with and went to pick it up. Nope. Turns out it was puppy shit. Wet, slimy puppy waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 121

You deserved it 1 757

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 513

You deserved it 793

By hala - 16/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 435

You deserved it 18 284

By RosesAreRed - 14/02/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 535

You deserved it 3 614

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 15:38 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 864

You deserved it 12 483

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 15:42 - Belgium

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 456

You deserved it 2 876

By ass slap - 11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Spicy

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 089

You deserved it 24 722

By wtf - 08/03/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 807

You deserved it 24 455

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 20/03/2018 17:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 348

You deserved it 495

By ardenm - 12/02/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 670

You deserved it 38 046

By strokingitasitype - 07/04/2012 19:12 - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 610

You deserved it 27 509

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 867

By erin - 04/02/2010 14:51 - France

Spicy

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 269

You deserved it 33 615

Best to check

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 08:00

Today, I was offered a "rust and accident free“ used car at the dealership. By chance, I managed to track down the previous owner, who was quite surprised I was asking about it, saying, "That one was totaled, I thought it had been scrapped!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 51

By derped-out sperm - 01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 027

You deserved it 5 908

By anonymouss - 24/05/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 463

You deserved it 26 329

By Anonymous - 23/02/2010 15:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 528

You deserved it 3 379

By Alexander - 30/05/2010 16:53 - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 7 321

By RS - 17/03/2015 16:25 - United States - Delray Beach

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 170

You deserved it 6 816

By Mofisto - 15/02/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 232

You deserved it 88 835

The '80s called

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 13:59

Today, I received 3 phone calls and 3 long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 75

By Franigirl - 26/02/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 899

You deserved it 4 557

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Spicy

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 220

By Ondskansgris - 12/03/2009 09:59 - Sweden

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 978

You deserved it 7 440

Desperate nan

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 229

You deserved it 3 543

By Toothless - 07/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 6 376

By myjobsucks - 13/12/2011 02:15 - Australia

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 256

You deserved it 9 245

By levi69 - 18/05/2011 16:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 445

You deserved it 4 703

By Christen - 19/02/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 344

You deserved it 36 597

By youjustsuck - 25/07/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 12 740

By lonely - 15/07/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 537

You deserved it 20 498

By Anna - 06/04/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 509

You deserved it 64 586

By anon - 16/01/2016 23:15 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Spicy

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 725

You deserved it 21 062

By Jssceli09 - 18/12/2009 08:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 560

You deserved it 24 801

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Sunday 8 December 2019 20:09

How do you forget you're not wearing a shirt? Even if you do, how would you not realize it after pulling it half way up or partially unbuttoning/unzipping it??

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Sunday 8 December 2019 20:44

why the actual fuck would you wear a jacket without a shirt INSIDE a house, or apartment whicheva

Comments

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Sunday 8 December 2019 20:09

How do you forget you're not wearing a shirt? Even if you do, how would you not realize it after pulling it half way up or partially unbuttoning/unzipping it??

weazle 13

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Monday 9 December 2019 7:29

A chick did this once years ago when I was in college. Was wearing a hoody and went to take it off, full blown shown, I think I was the only one who noticed as she was in the corner and I was next to her. But it happens

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Sunday 8 December 2019 20:44

why the actual fuck would you wear a jacket without a shirt INSIDE a house, or apartment whicheva

mfranks19891989 10

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Monday 9 December 2019 2:39

She must have just seen that episode of Seinfeld where the women where’s a bra for a shirt and she (op) was trying out that look.

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Monday 9 December 2019 5:07

I have some shirts I will also use as jackets/cover ups sometimes. But even on my highest day, I know to check before removing, just in case I’m only wearing it as a shirt and forgot. Though I’ve done my share of accidental flashings. Big whoop. It’s boobs.

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Sunday 8 December 2019 22:56

You’re bad at dressing yourself

Samuel Hernandez 3

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Monday 9 December 2019 2:15

nice.....

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Monday 9 December 2019 3:14

Oh please. I find it hard to believe you took it completely off forgetting you had no shirt underneath. I can see starting to and then realizing but not completely off. That's just ridiculous.

jbuckets_404 38

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Monday 9 December 2019 3:47

Pix or it didn't happen! ;-) LOL! (--An Oldie, But a Goodie....)

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Monday 9 December 2019 4:20

I'd understand a jumper, but a jacket? YDI

icecreamisrad 13

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Monday 9 December 2019 12:48

This made my day...thank you🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Saturday 14 December 2019 5:38

"What do you mean I can't take off my shirt?... I'M HOT!"

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 27

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 184

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 258