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Anonymous United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

95

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Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

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Top comments

capt_awesome1 11

that's a reason to dump someone ?

darwinism 30

Sometimes I am sad that evolution seems to skip some people. On the bright side OP, you can now strenghten the bond between you and your vibrator.

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Comments (95)

wilsontws 18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Stuff the goose in his ass and dump him.

FruityLoooons 8

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Or, 1, she could just talk to him. Or the goose. Anything other than shoving an inanimate object up her boyfriend's ass is what we're shooting for, here.

HeartOnSleeves 8

She can't dump him after he has already dumped her...

FruityLoooons 8

Ah, you're right. I think you were talking to 1, but even I just zoomed past the sentence where she said he dumped her. Derp. xD

justmethough 8

Leave the man and his goose alone. Maybe he's had it for a long time.

n_epic_fail 14

.... Maybe he's been insane for a long time too

Sixers01 0

Jeremy Lin.

RedPillSucks 33

^WTF???

iAmScrubs 19

87 - Jeremy Lin has nothing to do with the FML, fanboy.

HeartOnSleeves 8

Oh sorry 15.. Should have made it a little clearer.

Akai_fml 4

By stating his age you've implied he's being childish, just making it even clearer that you don't understand the bond between him and his goose. YDI!

rachelkoo 10

87-WTF does Jeremy Lin have to do with the FML or comments u commented on?

capt_awesome1 11

that's a reason to dump someone ?

wisese 0

As weird as it is for a 36 year old male to be that attached to a stuffed animal, it's still important for a significant other to be understanding and accepting of the things that are important to him. Although dumping someone over a stuffed animal is a bit extreme. Either he was looking for any excuse to get out of the relationship (and wasn't man enough to just say it wasn't working), or there's some psychological issues to be worried about. Either way OP is probably better off. She can find a man more suited to her.

2oc 5

I know right? If he's willing to dump you over that I'd say he's a bit of a loon...

PoeSlayer 0

65 - Pun intended?

bmwguy01 8

the reason he dumped her is because she wouldn't "play" goose for him.

olpally 33

Op should have just played "duck, duck, goose" but seriously, fyl op for having to be with someone that immature, his loss, not yours!

ItsPersonal 6

Are you sure he's 36 and not 6?

Driveshaft 5

I'd dump someone if they didn't like my stuffed goose too! Don't you know what trials and tribulations men go through to get the Grand Mof to give us one? We're talking years of dedication, pain, and tears! Don't EVER put down the goose... Or put the goose down, down... Wtf was I saying?

MackenzieWells 0

Just get a stuffed giraffe to make him jealous.. He'll come back to you

DontForgetMe4 0

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

That's a joke. I hope you haven't been dating a while because that's ridiculous ! We all know it's the stuffed bears that matter..

Troll_spray 6

Smh..... I see you along the same lines as Op's ex. Except yours will be a stuffed bear.

perdix 31

Nope. Chuck Testa. How exactly does he stuff this goose?

astralvagan 20

I usually find your stuff hilarious.... This one I don't get.....

ShockwaveXIII 8

Then I'd search "nope, Chuck Testa"

mwrc8man94 1

Wow dude your joked are shitty

CryMoreFMLs 15

I dont understand how Chuck Testa is even remotely funny :|

perdix 31

#33, #66, Chuck Testa is a taxidermist who boasts that he makes the most lifelike stuffed animals. If there was ever an FML that warranted a Chuck Testa reference, this is it!

SpruceDread4578 13

Perdix I have 0 clue on why you got thumbed down. I thought this was perfect for a Chuck Testa reference as well :)

RedPillSucks 33

perdix. Stuffing was just a metaphor for him "goosing" the goose. What? Too much?

astralvagan 20

Thank you for explaining

gossipgirl3_fml 2

Is it that hard to spell ever?

OffToTheGayBar 9

115 - Grammar, bitch. :3

boomhauer18 3

Never come between a man and his stuff animals

boomhauer18 3

It must be woman rating me down

darwinism 30

Sometimes I am sad that evolution seems to skip some people. On the bright side OP, you can now strenghten the bond between you and your vibrator.

Suchagoonnn 4

Evolution isn't going from being attached to a stuffed goose to not being attached to a stuffed goose. He clearly just has some mental issues.

islander03 5

im guessing the bond is they're on the same intellectual level?

TheBelt 19

Respect the goose man respect the goose

perdix 31

You're better off breaking up now before you find the room where he keeps his stuffed wives and hookers.

wisese 0

....wait. The Chuck Testa comment got thumbed down, but this one is okay? :P I don't understand fmlers' logic.

Suchagoonnn 4

Me neither. I'm probably getting thumbed down just for saying this.

daminantion 14

If you don't understand, why must you post your lack of intellect? Is your comment count that low to require deep responses to good FMLers like perdix? Oh and perdix; you forgot the stuffed high school crush;)

Orion1434 5

57 How's perdix's ass smell?

perdix 31

#62, sometimes it smells like Irish Spring, and other times, not nearly as nice (especially when I run low on cotton balls). I'm not sure why you wanted to know, butt there it is.

RedPillSucks 33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Perdix, You do realize that... 1. Jokes aren't funny when one has to google the punch line to understand it. 2. Jokes aren't funny when the tellers area of knowledge is wider than the recipient. 3. Jokes aren't as funny when you have a short....., SQUIRREL!!!!

sweetdreams20 0

#90 go back to watching cartoons..

ICATiger 13

If anyone tries to get between me and my stuffed teddy bear. I'll stab them.

GoW_Chick 15

... and when the fuzz ask who done it, blame it on the teddy bear, I'm sure they'll believe it.

A7x4REVer 3

Exactly! Never get between a man and what he holds dear, like me, if someone gets between me and my fridge, they're losing an arm, if that fridge has bacon, they die

sweetdreams20 0

You should have imagined yourself in the others persons goose... He...he

peachesncreem 21

What?

sweetdreams20 0

Put yourself in the others persons shoes..

sweetdreams20 0

Imagine the shoe on another foot.. Walk a mile .., etc.. But goose

astralvagan 20

It doesn't work if you have to explain it

sweetdreams20 0

No shit didn't know that one

daminantion 14

Again like the repliers to 10.. Don't comment if you're too stupid to get the joke! Having 6 people posting "durr I dun get it" is what makes it lack comedy. Although I Do find it funny that every derp is from the U.S.

emba_fml 13

Yea every single person from the United States is really stupid, completely 100% accurate generalization! great job!