Intimacy: Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey"...

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 046

You deserved it 22 447

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Same thing different taste

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 320

You deserved it 45 443

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 481

You deserved it 425

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 426

You deserved it 4 158

By IloveJapan - 02/04/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 427

You deserved it 10 139

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 978

You deserved it 7 499

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 401

You deserved it 37 682

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 483

You deserved it 120 553

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 5 407

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 06:41 - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 1 975

By W T F - 03/06/2015 07:22 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 3 640

scb197 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:01

#2, have you never passed out before? takes a damn nuclear blast to wake up.

tendollabill 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:57

well you sure got nice friends....

Comments

tendollabill 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:57

well you sure got nice friends....

Cupcaken 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 21:34

listen, a vacuum hickey looks NOTHING like a Real one

JazzHandsFML 28

Monday 9 March 2015 4:15

oh there's a typo, there aren't.these majiggers around "friends"

adelaide_evening 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

davidgclarkjr 6

Tuesday 16 October 2012 18:59

Passed out drunk*

fucMyLifeSoHard 18

Sunday 13 October 2013 0:56

#2 If you are passed out drunk, you aren't going to feel or hear anything.

TurboKill1 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:01

Dang, you must be some kind of heavy sleeper, turtleneck time?

Perplexed_Aris 16

Thursday 6 August 2015 17:05

The poor guy was passed out drunk. He couldn't feel or hear anything.

scb197 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:01

#2, have you never passed out before? takes a damn nuclear blast to wake up.

lkm0512 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:05

i feel your pain. alcohol can suck sometimes.

woody_fml 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:07

Dude, how wasted were you that you couldn't hear the vacuum cleaner? Unless it's an incredibly quiet vacuum cleaner. I'd do it to you again if it's this easy, and cover your whole body with them. ;-P

taytay3696 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:24

idontget what woody talkin bout.but you a heavy sleeper!lol.thats kinda sad..but i mean tell her the truth what else.and like they said TURTLENECK TIME :P

Zuriel45 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:27

Always remember to take the shoes off.

jumper_fml 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:30

1. ice it 2. use a brush and massage the area 3. stretch out your skin, and very painfull use a quarter to spread out the blood under the skin 4. ice it will be all red but it makes the hickey go away