Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML
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Top comments
1awliet 8
Damn pussy...
windycityassasin 6
Upon further consideration, you deserve it. You see, one way to play with cats is to take a small toy and hide it while making noise. It makes them curious and wonder where the toy went. My cat usually hunts it and attacks it viciously, and so when you hide your BF's dick in your mouth it wondered 'wondered where did it go?' and attacked you.
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Comments (105)
ashtonlm 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Next time that happens bite him just bc of his cats even though I'm a guy that is still messed up sorry you can also go with the better choice and not give him head in that particular area that works to
dashizam 10
Sounds like a jerk. Did he laugh? I mean really, some will give their lives for their gal, and he won't give a couple scratches? Na uh, that don't pass my class.
Psych101 9
I read with pausing at all, as indicated by the punctuation. My response? What the ****?
muzy 23
*without*
Psych101 9
12- Thanks, I just realized my comment made no sense.
IndianGiver 8
You may not be one of them, but some guys do like to get bit there.
dashizam 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Whoops, really dorky rhyme. Sorry, my sister got on my phone. :/ Shit, I just got like 3 pervy emails, I'm gonna kill her!
Dixbfloppin 11
To have one's dick bitten is a punishment I would never dawn upon my worst enemies. I mean, that's gotta be worse than losing both of your arms and legs and torso to a wood chipper.
muzy 23
20- why are you telling us that?
firebolt1124 1
Depends how hard it's bitten
SenselessPattern 12
#1 and #24, unless you're working on your zombie impressions, no guy will ever tell you to give them head for the erotic purpose of getting their dick eaten. I honestly hope your possible future bf isn't going to get a really shitty birthday surprise from you.
1awliet 8
Damn pussy...
bones_17 5
What a smart man haha
wetofour 7
**** blocked by TWO *******. Uhh, how does that work?
windycityassasin 6
Gotta protect the goods.
NickyK 25
Think of all the potential lives that were saved!
UberNova 18
They were just a couple of overly attached cats.
jbb8766 1
Foursome ?
Futacy 30
no
NickyK 25
You've got some weird fetish if you would even think to comment that..
tinyj96 3
3 ******* + 1 guy. Except 2 of those ******* are not recommended partners...
NamesIncognita 15
cats have spikes on their wee-weens...so...
Futacy 30
FYL...
NickyK 25
Believe it or not.. There's a button for that!
Futacy 30
srry for the sucky comment, but I had to edit my old comment into something.
SkoomaKi 28
If you loved him you would protect his manly hood. Who knows those "privates" could be your future kids. Think about the children!
jetsown08 21
Oh the humanity!
JimSweatshirt 6
Wu Tang is for the children
supbabes 0
DAMN RIGHT! How can hip hop be dead if Wu Tang is forever?
TwiztedYuri 9
of she swallows sues also eating his chidlren... think about it. she's a cannible and the cats knew
windycityassasin 6
Upon further consideration, you deserve it. You see, one way to play with cats is to take a small toy and hide it while making noise. It makes them curious and wonder where the toy went. My cat usually hunts it and attacks it viciously, and so when you hide your BF's dick in your mouth it wondered 'wondered where did it go?' and attacked you.
jesinuevo 3
Lmao! My hat off to you #13! that's hilarious!
JOEGERNAUTT 1
I LOLed
Cuzitso 1
This comment just made me cry laughing! Laughed so hard I woke my husband to tell him. He made me give him head.
zandalee 20
70- your comment was pure gold! Welcome to FML.
berichsoon 11
Holly shit dude, that's the most interesting thing I learned today
Izabushel 65
Hahaha! That has to be the funniest comment I have ever read!
Cuzitso 1
Thanks!
nachiketin 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I guess it's time you get a dog, to avoid cat scratch next time :)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
from fellatio to irrumatio