Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic...

By neckcrack - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

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19113

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Intimacy

The opposite of a good idea

Age ain't nothing but a number

Vibe check

By Milo - Canada

Looks to Die For...

Today, my six-year-old son told me my makeup looks like his grandmother's did in the casket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6062

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860

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By why does the world hate me - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20440

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

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57417

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By BaconBreathBlonde - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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27909

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

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40759

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By anonymous - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

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15235

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By xnickx - United States

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22623

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By TDCC - United States

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36192

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9960

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By lukas - Canada - Lyndhurst

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55732

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8421

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By kait - United States

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32883

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2333

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By mmromig - United States

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27385

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5553

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By jerdub93 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18055

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By Oops - Australia

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29931

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By stoolgal - United States - Yukon

Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11406

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1417

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By ShamefulShoop

cringe intensifies

Today, I took my mother grocery shopping. From the opposite end of the snack aisle, she yelled, "They don't have my darkies! Ya know how I like my darkies!” She was talking about dark pretzels. I don’t think the appalled black couple next to me knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3445

You deserved it

263

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By stuckhome - United Kingdom

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31691

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41178

You deserved it

3557

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13594

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29750

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By wipeoffincircles - United States - Gresham

Today, at work, my manager thought I needed to be showed how to use Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3412

You deserved it

466

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By EunJung - United States

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

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47645

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4231

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By Aspireworks - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34135

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By lordtimbit - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34562

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By Betchsadface - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

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42696

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By anonymous - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

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10689

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By ManchotDesAndes - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

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33206

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By Anonymous

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3583

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By aussie worker

Today, it was my first day at a new job as a waitress for a wedding function centre. As I was opening the door to collect dirty plates from the guests, I bumped into a colleague carrying a tray full of full champagne glasses, all of which fell and smashed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3344

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387

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By 30000 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28025

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By PeeFlavouredFloss - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

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38273

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By Anonymous

Today, my stepmother proved once again that she likes to play favourites. She has no job, so anything she gifts comes from my dad’s account. On my last birthday, I got £5 on a cheap card. Today, my step-brother's birthday, he got £400 and an iPad. He’s 4 years old. FML

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4357

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By badhair - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

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36004

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By Anonymous

Cravings

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

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2276

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By "people these days" - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

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48805

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By you would - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

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140641

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

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73098

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26992

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By el_Jeffe_D - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

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14455

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2897

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 14:00

Food porn

Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1412

You deserved it

317

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By Forgetfull - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

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9696

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Top comments

By fishycanswim | 0

#1365658 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:03

Well that...sucks, you really...blew that one for him.

By AyeItsMobleyy | 0

#1365656 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:01

cocky much?

COMMENTS

By drewbnewbie | 0

#1365648 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:00

that head must've been painful...

lemoncows | 2

#1367897 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 4:27

lol she got whiplash from giving head

Daneish | 0

#3818330 - Monday 2 January 2012 6:27

Never stop in the middle of a hoe down!

By Unnamedsoul | 0

#1365652 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:01

lol

cusof | 0

#1365849 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 18:11

u remind me of mr t

By alexbeathalo2 | 4

#1365653 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:01

your bf must have a really small c***

Jizwold | 0

#1365798 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 17:38

wat? how could u possibly come to that conclusion?

trudom108 | 0

#1365827 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 18:01

WTF how can you get that from her fml

shanie123 | 10

#1368628 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 8:19

#5 plz explain how you came to that conclusion from what she posted

mind_geek | 15

#1915175 - Saturday 1 January 2011 5:14

there are so many things wrong with what you just said.

By cruxx | 0

#1365654 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:01

win

By tpea | 1

#1365655 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:01

ouch !

By AyeItsMobleyy | 0

#1365656 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 16:01

cocky much?

reptarroars | 7

#1365783 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 17:24

:D nice pun!

HeatherXCore | 0

#1366268 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 20:25

Ba dum ching! :D

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1366879 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 0:08

I see what you did there.

ClaireBear9087 | 0

#1367842 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 4:06

you my friend, may be my new hero

AyeItsMobleyy | 0

#1367991 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 5:30

yay I like being peoples heroes :D

nascar1477 | 0

#1378280 - Thursday 9 September 2010 20:14

you are super cute ;)

AyeItsMobleyy | 0

#1450324 - Friday 24 September 2010 4:44

187- I HOPE your not talking to me..

xleanne_aLly | 23

#3776558 - Friday 23 December 2011 15:49

Conky! I love him.

Rowdey | 10

#4479036 - Friday 25 May 2012 4:45

183 - 154 isn't that far off from your "12 year old daughter" whom you "love spending time with". Thought I'd put that out there.. And she may actually be that dude.