Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That's when you ask her politely to stop the car. Then you get out and jump off the dock. Seriously, if parents don't want to hear about their kids' sexual exploits, they shouldn't share their own. Especially one where mom gets poked in the ass.
ilovefall10 21
Oh that's lovely.
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Comments (197)
ilovefall10 21
Oh that's lovely.
xoconnie 8
WOW that is so wrong... way too much info JEEEEZ!
lukep135 6
I hate it when im having sex and a splinter gets in my Ass
effy19 7
how romantic!
rozedavoice 4
W
Girlybanana 2
"and that's the story of why you were born" :)
Cuppycakeslol 4
And kids, that's how I met your mother.
notjustanybody20 9
tmi, mommy... tmi!!! :D *bleeding ears*
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Your mother is so blunt. I love it! :D
noelykins1 19
Reminds me of the things my mother tells me about her and my dad. THE HORROR THE HORROR!
blackheart24 10
So that's what you kids call it these days. Back in my day, getting a splinter in your ass was called butt sex.
DocBastard 40
That's when you ask her politely to stop the car. Then you get out and jump off the dock. Seriously, if parents don't want to hear about their kids' sexual exploits, they shouldn't share their own. Especially one where mom gets poked in the ass.
loserman67 36
I see what you did there Doc, good double entendre!
firsties 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So what's the point of jumping off the dock?
ghostlilac 25
34 - Suicide/escape from TMI
Jakesterk96 8
To every parent's story, there is a life lesson. In this case: don't **** on wooden docks.
lavitaebella_fml 0
75: Your comment reminds me of that part in Mean Girls where the gym teacher is like, "Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die."
badactor009 0
"old wooden docks"
onealmxwilson 18
Umm OP already said their mom stopped the car so why would they ask her to stop?
shrinkydinks 0
Seriously 130?......because that comment was so relevant. Do us all a favor and stfu
madskittlesftw 5
Whoa man just take it easy! I agree with him, no where does it say OP's mom started driving again, so why should OP bother with asking her to stop the car? Stop flaming so hard and being a thumbs up ***** and think about the question next time. Just so you don't look like such a jackass next time.
onealmxwilson 18
How about you do us all a favor and stop bitching. I was simply pointing something out and meant it jokingly, not to lash out at Doc as you have felt it necessary to do to me.
onealmxwilson 18
And thank you 134.
DocBastard 40
Wilson - I meant "stop the car" to mean "turn off the engine". You're right though, what I said was too vague.
onealmxwilson 18
Oh okay. Thanks for clearing that up Doc :)
jellybeardoggie 4
U mad?
ImanAzol 4
How did you know I poked your mom in the ass?
OneNightStan 2
You call her a *****?
iliketofu 6
But not too recently, I hope.
Ivette88 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's a form of family bonding.
marmlr339 14
What kind of family do you come from? :-O
RussianFox 13
Why did 5 get thumbed down while 6 got thumbed up?
LMA0 5
6 made the sarcasm more believable:p
cradle6 13
6's statement exhibited such class and intelligence. It was truly beautiful.
cradle6 13
Mother-daughter bonding. How sweet.
Bekll 31
OP could be a son; no indication of gender.
cradle6 13
Use your imagination.
Pentium_4 27
either way, day = ruined. life = scarred
lollilicker43 0
Couldnt have said it better.....lolz
nm11 4
Lolz.
schultzie215 2
Yea, I'm a guy not a girl
SkoomaKi 28
Repeatedly wash ears with soap. If bleeding occurs, it's working.
ycrem0n 21
But the image will remain in the mind, forever and ever. The romance and intense passion, the animal lust between two people in an old wooden dock, will stay in OP's mind, will haunt OP's dreams, always.
ladyLALAA 29
That's when you scrub your eyes with the steel wool.
Serna1212 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ohh..
DocBastard 40
Is this supposed to be your impression of mom on the dock? I think it was more like this: Ooh! OOOH! Oh oh OH! Oooooh OW! WHAT THE **** IS THAT IN MY ASS?
KeyboardWarrior 10
I think she's implying that the guy may have been lacking. OP's mom: "Ouch, it feels like got a splinter in my ass." Guy: "That's weird, I don't see one." OP's mom: "Oh, never mind." *Whistles*
thefuckinloser 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
lol i like your mom she is pretty cool
SweetlyPsycho 4
A mom that explains her sex life and shows you the exact spot where she did it, is a fun mom? What has this world become? Last time I checked, most kids wouldn't consider this a fun moment nor would they consider their mom fun after this experience! ((but I mean if you like hearing that from your parents then...ok))
hornetsbaseball 6
That's always a good thing to know. I think she was trying to say when u **** someone don't do it on that dock