Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML
Today, I finally had someone else touch my man parts. It was my doctor, checking for testicular cancer and a hernia, as part of my yearly physical. He's the only person other than myself to touch my junk in the last 4 years. FML
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML
Today, I became aroused when slight pressure was applied to my throat. I was having an ultrasound done to have my thyroid gland and a lump under my chin looked at by an old male doctor. My mom was present. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML
Today, I realised that the last three people to see my intimate parts these last weeks were my beautician, my doctor and the lady who did my check up ultra sound. Oh, and I'm married. FML
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Top comments
maskedman 9
Actually, having a woman not touch your package in the past four and a half years is probably why you have a health issue down there in the first place.
BrightBrownEyes 11
Awkward.
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Comments (106)
BrightBrownEyes 11
Awkward.
Rinat_fml 26
Wait for it, either you will find the right one or she will find you and THEN you can get intimate as much as you want!
periwinkle95 10
Aww. It's alright OP. There's always time to find true love. :)
RyanMacVey 17
#6 - "THEN you can get intimate as much as you want!" You've obviously never been married mate. :L
Pr0metheus 7
Yeah because the 15 year old kid giving us all the finger definitely knows about marriage.
RyanMacVey 17
So being 15 means that I cannot understand the fact that being married doesn't mean you can demand intimacy whenever you want it?
a1f0sff 25
It just sounded like you had experienced it yourself...
RyanMacVey 17
nah.. but my mother has been married twice and I guess I thought it was just a mutual understanding that marriage/long term commitment doesn't mean you can get intimate when ever you want to. At least that's what I was brought up to believe. But what do I know, eh? I'm just a silly 15 year old. (;
PenguinSwag47 0
The ultrasound tech: O.o The guy: *Staring awkwardly at the ceiling to avoid eye contact*
thatssomeBS 9
I thought this was going to be an "inappropriate boner" fml...
RedPillSucks 33
There are inappropriate boners? Where's everybodylovesboners when he's needed?
imepelepticsir 5
shit last time my package was touched was when my mom changed my diapers.
jacob4592 0
No worrys mate if you get a hard on tell herit's a complement :-)
Jaws1240 0
Your ******* hot!!
Hockeymann17 0
If that's actually you, you are super hot????
Branflakes78 13
That sucks bro, I hope you find your true love soon!
alival 12
Maybe consider going out more?
okiidokii_fml 6
Maybe consider her fml: Today at work I had to touch this extremly ugly guys "package" FML
Vulpes21 6
Doesn't mean he's ugly. Maybe just socially awkward.
DrDilllonReese 12
Or just unlucky with the ladies
hemz_fml 13
Or maybe he's shy?
Requim 0
Or maybe he just doesn't know how to approach a women
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Or maybe we can all just say essentially the same thing.
ManlyDunsparce 3
Possibly we can state similar jokes.
jroxursox1 10
I think he just isn't enough of a pig to walk up to a girl and say grab my junk bitch. I know some guys that are and it's messed up.
OhHushDear 11
I agree with 36. I don't exactly think I'm ugly, I'm just really awkward around guys. My appearance has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't had a boyfriend in a year; it's just that I don't have the courage to talk to them.
asher888 11
Can agree with 36 as well. Been there (when it comes to girls of course).
asher888 11
Can agree with 36 as well. Been there (when it comes to girls of course).
g_ayvel 11
Hopefully everything turned out ok with your ultra sound at least that Would make your day better
mxpklx 12
Well he could have been getting it for any number of reasons, one being that he had a growth in his sac, possibly a cyst or tumor. If it is benign, than he will keep his penis for another day...
WTFjizzinmypantz 0
Eh couldnt of been that bad right?
ManlyDunsparce 3
A bright side to this Fml. On the bright side. This guy got his packaged played with by a attractive chick!
maskedman 9
Actually, having a woman not touch your package in the past four and a half years is probably why you have a health issue down there in the first place.
kooochris1995 14
It's okay man. A lot of guys go through the same problem.
perdix 31
No, they don't. Very few guys go 4-1/2 years without getting their packages touched. If they can't get someone to willingly touch it after a year, they can hire someone to do the 'job.
cyK0tek 0
LOOL What LOSER pays for sex?
kooochris1995 14
Lol right #29. I'd rather not get my package touched, then pay for it to get touched.
perdix 31
#41, you'd go 4-1/2 years without getting it touched before you'd think of paying a pro? I've never had a dry spell quite that bad, so I've never paid for junk-touching, but I wonder if I went without for a few years, would I consider it? I don't know.
Sanch101 7
So 41 would rather not get their package touched and then pay for it to be touched. I thought that was the way it usually worked?
kooochris1995 14
Than** I meant.
mike3775 39
I've gone 4 1/2 yrs without a womans touch down there. When I divorced my first wife, I didn't flirt with a woman again for over 5 yrs when I met my current wife. The main reason why? Kids. I put their happiness and joy ahead of my own.
perdix 31
#72, you self-righteous prick, if you really put your kids before all, you would have stuck with their mother, no matter what.
perdix 31
I'm sure your insurance will cover a few more follow-up visits, but when that runs out, you can always find professional package-touchers on craigslist, although they won't have the high-tech equipment and might not be very attractive.
PaulB123 11
Haha OP's is going to be going to the hospital all the time now lot get 'checked out'. "Nurse I have a really painful feeling down below, I need to see Dr. ____." "She's not in today but come this way and we'll get you looked at right away". "never mind they feel better" *leaves*
PaulB123 11
*to, instead of lot. Spellcheck ha.
Wheredidgrungego 12
Doesn't matter, had sex? ....or not in this case....