Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
paigemosier 1
the ****
flockz 20
....is what i enjoy most in life.
whitesox365 0
i think its time we had the talk...
CatEyes66 0
Facepalm x 2
dwreck69 0
best first comment ever lmao
xtrawesome 0
the face on the second reply is perfect
JoeyPterodactyl 0
That comes after the lipstick.
eckksDeeitsTravi 0
Reeeddddd Rocket, Yum!
laurenv20 4
this happened to my dog once... at first I was like WTF... but then I realized what it was.. but then freaked out because he was playing with my 4 yr old cousin... my dog is a pedophile
whatfml 0
in going to see rise against in afew weeks. shit yeh!!!!
U_Go_Boom 0
#17, the dog in ur pic must be lookin at OP's dog's knob
HeatherXCore 0
118- my sister who was 18 at the time didn't know what a red rocket was...she WAS about to grab it because she thought he had gotten ahold of a slim Jim. I'm glad I said something D:
ChiFan96 3
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Siji 0
Couldn't agree more #161
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
161- what is that?...
ShakeMeDown 12
Red rocket red rocket red rocket ya!
ChiFan96 3
167, that's a facepalm.
Soloman212 28
UGoBoom's picture also matches his comment pretty well.
KingGeorgeGal 12
Learn something new everyday!
turkishjew 0
......is up with you're face
SomeFMLPerson 0
Why were you looking there in the first place OP? ;)
hahaurfunnylol 1
#117 rofl
jamesmcB 3
word
that_band_nerd 22
Did he at least buy you a drink first?
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
At least a dog with a penis...
JesusFishTaco 5
Maybe it's the first time she has seen a penis.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I thought she was gunna say she grabbed it lol thank god she didnt!!
davex 0
LOL @25 and I'm sorry but the OP is an idiot.
JesusFishTaco 5
I don't know 27. That sounds kinda hot.
dwreck69 0
imagine what was going through her mind, if she didn't know it was a mof****in dick
yahoowizard 16
Haha, she probably tried to pull it out too
RainbowHeadache 2
OP is not really one for common sense.
JesusFishTaco 5
lol Not many fans of ********** here.
dudeitsdanny 10
I actually thought she probably pulled on it, or something.. Haha. Stupid people shouldn't have dogs.. But I'll give her credit for caring enough to take him to the vet.
Orcina1 3
dude #41 thats just wrong
youcantcatchme 0
it does
Michael912 3
25- Lol that wouldve been way worse
HelloPal 6
first time seeing a red rocket more like.
mandaboo 8
Mental head slap, just for you.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
It's Facepalm, FACEPALM DAMMIT!!!!
an_villian 0
^he mad
Siji 0
The head slap and Facepalm are two different things. The head slap is what Special Agent Leeroy Jethroe Gibbs gives people when they deserve a slap in the head.
mandaboo 8
Haha. Woah, sorry. Facepalm, just for you!
practicesafesax 0
umadbro?
SNL 2
what I freaked out when I saw it on my dog. I thought he was bleeding XD
NuTrees 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
awe that's so cute and caring
Docbee 11
your dog is so cute and fits your comment :D
shovels 0
Docbee, your picture fits your comment too!!!!
An0nym0us5757 0
Haters :(
TheFlavorGreen 5
I agree... Dog penises can be cute and caring :p
EricWill 1
Wat.
cicpjaky 6
dumbass
skidoo800HO 2
A-freakin-men
rawr666 0
B-freakin-women
rawr666 0
B-freakin-women
puncture 0
C-freakin-trannys?
HappyCynic 0
D-freakin-hermaphrodites!
instnt1nfction 17
D-freakin-hermits
noelykins1 19
Google is the beat vet you'll ever find... well on questions (:
livewire1701 8
Someone needed to pay more attention in anatomy and biology.
mrmerino 0
or just life...
Zaros_fml 24
My anatomy class didn't teach about dog penisis.
christiebaby578 9
LOL. that must have been embarrassing, not really an FML though.
PrickHead 0
paul...?
adayto_forget 0
ahah, i know eh?
Jayymz24 0
what did you think it was..? an alien?
CEG3 0
lmao this comment reminded of the South Park episode where aliens put an antenna in Cartman's ass!
koe4 0
probe antenna same thing
sick_wish 10
I was thinking more like the red rocket episode...
s3xymoma 1
mmmh always the cute ones are gay;)
petdanneau92 0
hey, you're cute! lol I was reading through the comments and saw you and read your bio. I was trying to see if I could message you but j didn't know how to do so. lol
iAmScrubs 19
You'd really have something to worry about if it ejaculated rainbows.
dwreck69 0
or if it ejaculated on you leg, sh*t
gabe2014 0
after reading scrubs comment I started laughing... while I was drinking water
iamelrebel 0
if it splooged rainbows, then it would be part unicorn.
twilightcrazy28 0
it wasn't funny at all until I read this comment... :D
alecs0716 2
nyan dog!!! lol!!!
shortstuffs23 7
So much excitement.
dannnngthatsux 19
How very!