Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
paigemosier 1
the ****
flockz 20
....is what i enjoy most in life.
whitesox365 0
i think its time we had the talk...
CatEyes66 0
Facepalm x 2
dwreck69 0
best first comment ever lmao
xtrawesome 0
the face on the second reply is perfect
JoeyPterodactyl 0
That comes after the lipstick.
eckksDeeitsTravi 0
Reeeddddd Rocket, Yum!
laurenv20 4
this happened to my dog once... at first I was like WTF... but then I realized what it was.. but then freaked out because he was playing with my 4 yr old cousin... my dog is a pedophile
whatfml 0
in going to see rise against in afew weeks. shit yeh!!!!
U_Go_Boom 0
#17, the dog in ur pic must be lookin at OP's dog's knob
HeatherXCore 0
118- my sister who was 18 at the time didn't know what a red rocket was...she WAS about to grab it because she thought he had gotten ahold of a slim Jim. I'm glad I said something D:
ChiFan96 3
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Siji 0
Couldn't agree more #161
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
161- what is that?...
ShakeMeDown 12
Red rocket red rocket red rocket ya!
ChiFan96 3
167, that's a facepalm.
Soloman212 28
UGoBoom's picture also matches his comment pretty well.
KingGeorgeGal 12
Learn something new everyday!
turkishjew 0
......is up with you're face
SomeFMLPerson 0
Why were you looking there in the first place OP? ;)
hahaurfunnylol 1
#117 rofl
jamesmcB 3
word
that_band_nerd 22
Did he at least buy you a drink first?
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
At least a dog with a penis...
JesusFishTaco 5
Maybe it's the first time she has seen a penis.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I thought she was gunna say she grabbed it lol thank god she didnt!!
davex 0
LOL @25 and I'm sorry but the OP is an idiot.
JesusFishTaco 5
I don't know 27. That sounds kinda hot.
dwreck69 0
imagine what was going through her mind, if she didn't know it was a mof****in dick
yahoowizard 16
Haha, she probably tried to pull it out too
RainbowHeadache 2
OP is not really one for common sense.
JesusFishTaco 5
lol Not many fans of ********** here.
dudeitsdanny 10
I actually thought she probably pulled on it, or something.. Haha. Stupid people shouldn't have dogs.. But I'll give her credit for caring enough to take him to the vet.
Orcina1 3
dude #41 thats just wrong
youcantcatchme 0
it does
Michael912 3
25- Lol that wouldve been way worse
HelloPal 6
first time seeing a red rocket more like.
mandaboo 8
Mental head slap, just for you.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
It's Facepalm, FACEPALM DAMMIT!!!!
an_villian 0
^he mad
Siji 0
The head slap and Facepalm are two different things. The head slap is what Special Agent Leeroy Jethroe Gibbs gives people when they deserve a slap in the head.
mandaboo 8
Haha. Woah, sorry. Facepalm, just for you!
practicesafesax 0
umadbro?
SNL 2
what I freaked out when I saw it on my dog. I thought he was bleeding XD
NuTrees 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
awe that's so cute and caring
Docbee 11
your dog is so cute and fits your comment :D
shovels 0
Docbee, your picture fits your comment too!!!!
An0nym0us5757 0
Haters :(
TheFlavorGreen 5
I agree... Dog penises can be cute and caring :p
EricWill 1
Wat.
cicpjaky 6
dumbass
skidoo800HO 2
A-freakin-men
rawr666 0
B-freakin-women
rawr666 0
B-freakin-women
puncture 0
C-freakin-trannys?
HappyCynic 0
D-freakin-hermaphrodites!
instnt1nfction 17
D-freakin-hermits
noelykins1 19
Google is the beat vet you'll ever find... well on questions (:
livewire1701 8
Someone needed to pay more attention in anatomy and biology.
mrmerino 0
or just life...
Zaros_fml 24
My anatomy class didn't teach about dog penisis.
christiebaby578 9
LOL. that must have been embarrassing, not really an FML though.
PrickHead 0
paul...?
adayto_forget 0
ahah, i know eh?
Jayymz24 0
what did you think it was..? an alien?
CEG3 0
lmao this comment reminded of the South Park episode where aliens put an antenna in Cartman's ass!
koe4 0
probe antenna same thing
sick_wish 10
I was thinking more like the red rocket episode...
s3xymoma 1
mmmh always the cute ones are gay;)
petdanneau92 0
hey, you're cute! lol I was reading through the comments and saw you and read your bio. I was trying to see if I could message you but j didn't know how to do so. lol
iAmScrubs 19
You'd really have something to worry about if it ejaculated rainbows.
dwreck69 0
or if it ejaculated on you leg, sh*t
gabe2014 0
after reading scrubs comment I started laughing... while I was drinking water
iamelrebel 0
if it splooged rainbows, then it would be part unicorn.
twilightcrazy28 0
it wasn't funny at all until I read this comment... :D
alecs0716 2
nyan dog!!! lol!!!
shortstuffs23 7
So much excitement.
dannnngthatsux 19
How very!