Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
fmluserr27 0
when I was like five I thought it was a piece of candy stuck to my dogs penis and went and freaked on my mom. I learned then what it really was..at five. so fyl what a fail haha.
suprmidgt 0
That is the single stupidest thing I have even heard. Don't breed. I mean you not the dog.
jman2324 0
fyl haha your hella dumb
carmenm 6
BAHAHAHA!!! you idiot how did you not know that
jdawg2010 0
duhh helll?!
HeartAndSoul2011 0
what did the vet do afterwords?
randomreader2315 4
I hope they charged her a hefty fee.
Omgitsaireyonna 6
Why do you even own a dog?
youshitme 9
oh my god, you've got to be the dumbest person on the world
chaps93 6
red rocket;)
corrinaswan 0
wow but slimy?