Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
roadracer39 5
3 words: you're an idiot
slinkydee 2
red rocket!
im_bored_tired 12
I like pie. do you like pie? OP- time to learn about the birds and the bees.
skyeyez9 25
My dog lets his hang out every time he sits down. Which is quite gross and the reason I will only have female dogs from now on.
Kiraro 0
If female dogs aren't fixed, they go into heat. When they go into heat, they bleed from their ******. You can't win.
bigscarybunny95 0
Wow...
kittea86 0
people should have to take iq tests to get a pet. my dog did that when i was little and even then i knew what it was. hope finding that out was worth the expensive vet fee
buddmoney 0
this is not true you asked your mommy not the vet
EmilyFelton98 0
Fail....
mitchestate 6
Hahahaha!!!!
tacovingtonboy 10
you r the dumbest **** i have ever heard of