Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I wanted to be on top during sex, after always being on the bottom. Afterwards, he said, "You're never riding me like that again." FML
Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less than 2 inches in, and then got angry I was taking so long to cum. I thought I was the drama queen in our house. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend of 3 years saying that his back is always hurting to avoid putting in any work during the bedroom Hokey Pokey was his way of saying I’m a lame screw. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML
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Top comments
buddy51 23
How about if you suggest that your BF take a hike? A long walk off a short pier perhaps? YDI if you stay with a guy who's both bad in bed AND an inconsiderate jerk-off!
DocBastard 38
Any person who makes any sexual demand without your agreement deserves no sex at all. Full stop.
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Comments (82)
graphicstyle7 17
Gotta agree with DjeePee. As a couple, you will never get past this passive-aggressive, childish behavior until you sit down and talk to each other like grown-ups. Or see a couples counselor. A book or video or two on sex would not hurt either.
gracehi 31
My eyes immediately saw the word "sex" and then went to the last few words of this FML and I was like, "'Sex?' 'Crap on top?' Eeeeeeew."
perdix 29
#14, yeah, when I saw "sex" and "crap on top," I was revisited by those horrible images I got from reading Urban Dictionary.
gc327072 30
After I read 2g1c, it was more like one guy one toilet to puke in.
supportcommand 17
Perdix, there's nothing wrong with a little Cleveland Steamer every now and then.
AlkaliSam 6
Damnit, Perdix, now I'm thinking about the Alabama HotPocket again. Why would ANYONE do that?!
ALlamaOnFire 20
I've been hearing about this Hot Pocket tomfoolery for a while now. I'm very very very tempted to google it...
gc327072 30
72- my advice to all of those things is to look it up on urban dictionary, NOT GOOGLE. Google has images…
alwayswinning123 7
Looks like you both win, but that was still a asshole thing for him to say
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
What do you see in him then?? Bad in bed and a dick is a terrible combination
ThatOneDrummer 8
Looks like everyone came out on top here.
red_headforlife 15
Well then I guess this situation is a win-win. However he had no right to be such a jerk about it.
Enslaved 36
Just because he's on top doesn't mean you can't show him what you like. You could have guided him by holding on to his sides and thrusting your hips. Unless you plan on being on top every single time from now on, I suggest you communicate. Staying in only one position gets boring.
GhostChickens 17
Does anybody actually plan out sex positions in advance? Unless you were having sex with the express intention of trying out a new position, wouldn't you just go with it? This is an actual question, I'm curious. OP, If your boyfriend was so crap on top, why did you let him be on top? Maybe you should tell him how to improve. It's not like you have to worry about hurting his feelings when he's already hurt yours. If he wanted you on top, It would have been so easy for him to say "I get so turned on with you on top" yet he decided to be a twat instead. Rude.
Zebediabolical 43
If you're not willing or able to articulate your sexual desires with words or deed, you deserve all the shitty sex you get.
buckdharma 37
On top of Old Smokey Right there on his lap I lost my true lover for humping like crap