Transportation: Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with...

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 025

You deserved it 9 719

Transportation

Own it

Triage

Mother of the year

OCD

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 13:53 - Australia

Today, I decided to dress up sexy for my boyfriend. I put on cute undies and a corset because they made the most of my assets. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "The colours don't match." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 402

You deserved it 5 722

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 3 683

By Msmerfner - 03/08/2013 08:40 - United States - Hemet

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 402

You deserved it 16 061

By Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 153

You deserved it 79 054

By justme - 02/11/2013 13:21 - United States - Alliance

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 717

You deserved it 6 026

Bad omens all around

By bubble wrapped girl - 13/05/2021 19:01 - United States - Medford

Today, I got into a accident at the dunes, rolling a Razor buggy. Last weekend, I sleepwalked and microwaved my phone. Last month, I gave myself third degree burns while curling my hair. I need to live in a bubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 259

By bet a woman would've been thanked - 07/05/2013 20:21 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 036

You deserved it 3 092

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 02:02

Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 22:16 - Canada

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 717

You deserved it 1 833

By sleepy - 15/10/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 908

You deserved it 29 251

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 4 026

By I_dislike_Twilight - 08/09/2011 12:52 - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 315

You deserved it 4 686

Not worth it

By Reebee - 27/09/2017 01:30

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 230

You deserved it 526

By strangely - 25/07/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 184

You deserved it 6 234

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 080

You deserved it 13 575

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 676

You deserved it 9 288

By 30Jenna - 13/07/2011 22:01 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 685

You deserved it 6 286

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 08:01

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 115

By freckle82 - 12/05/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 418

You deserved it 4 501

By StillFriendless - 25/11/2016 15:20

Today, I was so desperate for a friend that I posted a Craigslist ad to find one. Now my phone's filled with spam and I still don't have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 613

You deserved it 2 782

By donny31459 - 10/08/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 017

You deserved it 3 945

By angie24w - 07/08/2018 23:30

Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 745

You deserved it 173

By nubbins - 26/01/2010 06:56 - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 824

You deserved it 2 667

By nuerrotticc - 06/01/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2am because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 483

You deserved it 6 691

By gooddeedgonebad - 26/05/2013 09:19 - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 821

You deserved it 3 211

By wheezy - 03/12/2013 17:28 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 856

You deserved it 4 198

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I got a call from my grandmother. Turns out my father found out about my elopement with my husband through my stepmother, because someone she works with told her. We were planning on it being a surprise, and telling people on Christmas. My father won't even talk to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 308

You deserved it 29 409

By starving_freelancer_forever - 18/09/2017 16:00

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 782

You deserved it 208

Thievery Ltd.

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 16:00

Today, I saw a neglected potted palm tree on the front porch of what I thought was an empty house down the street from me. I took it home to nurse it back to health. When I got home from work, it was gone. Later, when taking a walk, I spotted the palm, right back on the porch I'd taken it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 2 428

By doomed - 11/02/2015 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 058

You deserved it 3 775

By "Kaluhaluha" - 14/12/2018 17:30

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 214

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 86

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 1 802

By mannnnn - 08/07/2009 05:21

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 650

You deserved it 6 045

Spooky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 20:04

Today. my nana got a text from my dead grandad's phone number. His phone was stolen about 3 weeks before he died, but the shock of suddenly getting a text from him after the funeral gave her a heart attack. The doctor says with her other health issues, she might not make it through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 33

By Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 662

You deserved it 41 715

Frustration

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 12:01 - United States - Aldie

Today, I found out I need surgery for a hernia that blew up after working out. I’ve been working out constantly to keep my mind off of my ex, who was the right person at the wrong time, and now I can’t even do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 88

By stixx - 25/10/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 689

You deserved it 75 380

Good listener

By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 17:01

Today, in a deep depression, on my worst night, I reached out to a lifeline. Waited an hour for the counselor to arrive, listen for a few minutes, then tell me I should, "Get my mind off of it by planning my prom, sewing a dress or painting my nails." The application clearly shows I'm an adult man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 185

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 071

You deserved it 1 920

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Top comments

alwaysalady 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 18:48

I had almost that exact thing happen to me in high school. parents at work, went to check the mail, locked and closed the door behind me. Elderly neighbor called the cops and I was hauled out of my bedroom window by my ankles. they didn't believe it was my house until I pointed out a recent photo of myself sitting on my table.

xillentz 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 18:14

you already broke into the house before. so it shouldn't be so hard to do it again. but eh, fyl LOL.

holynemesis1208 3

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Thursday 26 February 2009 16:13

dumbass

robe_fml 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 16:26

Textbook definition unlucky.

ladyangel52 11

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Friday 20 April 2012 23:28

What a dumbass OP..

xillentz 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 18:14

you already broke into the house before. so it shouldn't be so hard to do it again. but eh, fyl LOL.

Shell02 0

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Thursday 22 April 2010 4:06

your picture is fucked up. nuff said.

alwaysalady 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 18:48

me_me_fml 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 19:03

hahahaha, call it a day, man.

potentpotable 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 19:44

Are we getting too sympathetic here? How is everyone voting FYL and not YDI!!

Lyrad 0

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Thursday 4 June 2009 19:17

That's funny!!! Wow. Haha.

bigraws23 0

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 2:44

1st Murphy's Law 2nd so your fault

nieska18 0

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Friday 25 September 2009 23:08

hilaaarious. i would laugh and laugh. alll the way to the bank.

EnterSandman_fml 20

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Thursday 4 March 2010 22:30

My exgirlfriend actually did something similar to this a couple years ago. It was raining when she got locked out though. But, then again, she wound up having a kid with her ex-stepdad, so she wasn't any rocket scientist.