Bushy

By Mustache - 03/11/2020 14:02 - Austria

Today, I was on my way to meet my partner's parents for the first time. Although I was in a rush, I managed to hop into the shower and shave. I now have a cut on my upper lip. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 222

Late term

Batman

Sad news

By Jedi2500 - 15/02/2012 23:53 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 361

You deserved it 2 149

By EosHelios - 27/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 370

You deserved it 259

By brigie - 01/05/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 458

You deserved it 8 123

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 183

You deserved it 2 582

By forever alone - 05/05/2019 04:00

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 796

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 554

You deserved it 20 213

By tomchuq - 30/08/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 637

You deserved it 61 178

By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 200

You deserved it 223

By Torbey - 14/09/2016 03:49 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 490

You deserved it 1 263

By Gutted. - 21/03/2009 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 248

You deserved it 6 762

By Ngbaheir - 20/06/2015 02:36 - United Kingdom

Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 5 041

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 710

You deserved it 306

By anonymous - 07/08/2012 03:08 - Australia

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 853

You deserved it 8 136

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 11 444

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 178

You deserved it 3 704

By shnigel - 27/02/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I got sent out of the class for "inappropriate" behaviour. The teacher later forgot about me and sent a notice home to my parents stating that I skipped class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 346

You deserved it 7 298

By notmyfam - 09/09/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 500

You deserved it 1 025

By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 04:50 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 593

You deserved it 1 830

Freak Scene

By antsgomarching - 06/10/2020 17:01

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 85

By Murphy - 26/08/2018 03:30

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 992

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 105

By muffin - 10/05/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 873

You deserved it 16 554

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 104

You deserved it 1 979

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 326

You deserved it 87 015

By vinniesuckmadack - 24/04/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 388

You deserved it 37 926

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 889

You deserved it 6 906

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 673

You deserved it 3 305

Heavy sleeper

By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 04:31 - United States - Olympia

Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 1 759

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 341

You deserved it 15 127

By Hm - 08/02/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 416

You deserved it 3 985

By jeesh - 31/01/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 928

You deserved it 89 133

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 16:01

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 263

By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 150

You deserved it 5 233

By Lady Julia KaNeko - 20/06/2019 10:15 - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 420

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 1 139

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 425

You deserved it 39 724

By brokebitch - 09/05/2019 06:00

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 1 187

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 11:57 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 678

You deserved it 7 399

By MicachuPikachu - 28/11/2013 06:39 - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like the customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came from my own pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 948

You deserved it 13 534

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xxlk4xx 6

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Tuesday 3 November 2020 14:30

I shave my lady stash too! I think there's some cream made by olay that gets rid of upper lip hair! it even comes with a protective chap to put on before you apply the cream, then you dont have to worry about using a razor for your upper lip! also women have hair and it's normal 😊

Crowned Sataness 7

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Tuesday 3 November 2020 14:48

first time I met most of my husband's family, I over exfoliated my face with an Italy towel and my nose looked like I took sandpaper to it. I feel your pain.

Comments

voltroz 18

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Sunday 1 November 2020 10:16

You have a beard? 🤔

xxlk4xx 6

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Tuesday 3 November 2020 14:30

Crowned Sataness 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 November 2020 14:48

first time I met most of my husband's family, I over exfoliated my face with an Italy towel and my nose looked like I took sandpaper to it. I feel your pain.

Chazzster 22

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Wednesday 4 November 2020 2:23

I’m a man. Long ago I figured out that an electric shaver avoided all the cuts to the upper lip. My wife has to occasionally shave her lady mustache too. It’s just part of life... Get an electric shaver of some sort - a battery one will do the job.