Money, Kids and Drugs: What the…?

What the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 893

You deserved it 537

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Same thing different taste

Thanks for all your help

By jruth7 - 15/05/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 015

You deserved it 3 682

Open invitation

By Anonymous - 18/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 174

By kenz - 06/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 405

You deserved it 2 555

By XYZee - 22/08/2012 20:27 - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 938

You deserved it 2 004

By Aaron - 01/12/2011 22:00

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 526

You deserved it 2 743

By nice one - 14/07/2013 17:51 - United States - Athens

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 787

You deserved it 2 743

By pillowless - 13/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 958

You deserved it 2 401

By Lindso1 - 06/07/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 213

You deserved it 241

Overreacting much?

By But you drink alcohol though - 19/04/2023 03:00

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 685

False alarm

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 717

You deserved it 5 923

indienerdgirl 27

Thursday 8 February 2018 17:38

Never let your dad in your house again. I'd also hold him responsible for all the missing items that were stolen.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 8 February 2018 15:48

You ought to open a can of jiu-jitsu whoop-ass on him!

Comments

Glowworm56 26

Thursday 8 February 2018 15:32

You had one job, dad! One job!

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 8 February 2018 15:48

You ought to open a can of jiu-jitsu whoop-ass on him!

indienerdgirl 27

Thursday 8 February 2018 17:38

Never let your dad in your house again. I'd also hold him responsible for all the missing items that were stolen.

Allie614032 34

Thursday 8 February 2018 18:06

Sneak his credit card and order a cleaning service on it.

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 8 February 2018 19:32

He better be getting at least 10 kilos of weed for it.

thatslifeiguess7 16

Thursday 8 February 2018 21:27

Wow is dad going thru a midlife crisis

boopingsnoot 24

Thursday 8 February 2018 21:55

Call the cops

carandcartoonfan 1

Friday 9 February 2018 23:13

you should tell your mom to divorce your dad or you can kick him in the nuts

CoyoteOldOne 17

Sunday 11 February 2018 8:19

Maybe you should let a pack of raccoons into his house for a party.

unintended_consequence 5

Wednesday 14 February 2018 19:46

canabisome?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I’m coming to accept that my wife’s relationship with her phone and her social media is deeper and more intimate than it will ever be with me. I can’t afford to leave her, her sister's a lawyer, she’ll take everything I still love in the divorce. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 88

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 127

You deserved it 1 110

The Top

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 627

You deserved it 33 650

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 070

You deserved it 9 005

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 135

You deserved it 2 712

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 456

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 383

You deserved it 1 556

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 824

You deserved it 8 872