Work: Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the... - FML

By Hairy Cheek - 15/04/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 340

You deserved it 2 142

BO Central

Unfortunate

Bottom of the list

By dumbbass - 24/02/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 676

You deserved it 9 305

By Fire_Princess16 - 17/10/2017 04:20

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 036

By eggnoodles - 13/12/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 983

You deserved it 52 998

By TheLibrarian - 27/10/2018 05:00

Today, after being jobless for 2 years, I got a call back for an interview. I was ecstatic until I saw the date. It's the same day I leave for a weeklong, nonrefundable vacation. I applied for the job 6 weeks ago, and since not hearing anything bought the vacation 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 1 224

By saxophone911 - 13/04/2013 15:52 - United States

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 254

You deserved it 44 299

By lauren - 08/07/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 019

You deserved it 7 080

By shinoza - 13/02/2009 15:02 - Malaysia

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 488

You deserved it 8 352

By Live Sweet - 25/04/2013 05:33

Spicy

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 492

You deserved it 14 706

By Shady_Soldier - 31/10/2013 08:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 517

You deserved it 7 325

By robotchickens - 10/03/2010 19:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 2 687

By cloudish - 21/05/2017 12:00 - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 986

You deserved it 593

By EwwGross - 31/08/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 466

You deserved it 1 936

By NotRetarded - 11/04/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 957

You deserved it 3 841

By Imwalkinghere - 04/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 966

You deserved it 672

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 025

You deserved it 39 314

By faaail - 24/03/2015 16:51 - Ireland - Cork

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 781

You deserved it 3 947

By TappedAnts - 08/04/2016 01:45 - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 028

You deserved it 1 315

By Human fly - 21/04/2013 06:20 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 072

You deserved it 46 395

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 396

By creepycrawley247 - 01/05/2013 02:50 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 192

You deserved it 3 793

By Cantswim - 20/05/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 494

You deserved it 9 951

By blahdyblahblah33 - 03/07/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 424

You deserved it 2 689

What's your emergency?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 273

By bambam - 12/05/2014 16:01 - United States - League City

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 242

You deserved it 6 205

By sayno - 12/11/2010 11:06 - Switzerland

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 997

You deserved it 11 289

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 642

You deserved it 57 074

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 21:39 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 603

You deserved it 3 774

Everything is clean

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 18:00

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 11:47 - United Kingdom - Stevenston

Spicy

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 174

You deserved it 3 072

By baebookboo - 04/08/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 136

You deserved it 4 473

By Anonymous - 06/12/2016 17:09 - United States - Orange Park

Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 649

By spenmy - 13/06/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 220

You deserved it 3 319

By Ladieda - 28/05/2012 10:15 - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 553

You deserved it 2 531

By twice-a-day - 18/11/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 4 013

By sorenips - 03/10/2011 23:19 - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 870

You deserved it 3 828

By TheSneakyNugget - 24/04/2016 15:18 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I watched a large, sweaty woman stick a hairbrush down her shirt to scratch a rash on her back, before putting it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 285

You deserved it 1 083

Weird accusation, lady

By wrong state for that shit - 22/08/2020 04:48 - United States - Hesperia

Spicy

Today, my uncle’s girlfriend’s paranoid jealousy hit a new low. I woke up to several nasty, threatening texts from her, accusing me of sleeping with my own uncle. According to her, no uncle and niece could possibly be as close as he and I are without something freaky going on. I really hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 100

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 1 141

By nolongerengaged - 03/02/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 705

You deserved it 3 848

By Depirama - 28/02/2014 21:26 - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 538

You deserved it 16 422

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Top comments

wheresmymary 22

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:23

Were you not wearing underwear?

PingusTheDingus 31

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:31

That's Cheeky

Comments

wheresmymary 22

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:23

Were you not wearing underwear?

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:41

Thong maybe?

Miss_Whipped 43

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:57

I'd rather not picture a man wearing a thong, thank you #9.

co824 9

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:58

how do we KNOW it's a man?

jadenjacksonm 14

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Friday 15 April 2016 18:00

#17, I do not see a gender mark?

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Friday 15 April 2016 18:43

New update removes the gender and location from the fml.

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Friday 15 April 2016 19:34

Some like going commando. No shame in that. imo.

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Friday 15 April 2016 19:47

21, I think it depends on the device you use. I can see location and gender on my iPhone 6. On my android tablet however, it doesn't show.

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Friday 15 April 2016 20:07

OP has no need for underwear as his ass cheek hair provides the same protection

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Friday 15 April 2016 21:01

My thoughts exactly!!

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Friday 15 April 2016 22:10

Yet this FML says he's a male and is in Missouri, USA

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Friday 15 April 2016 23:40

If the OP is not a man that brings it to a whole new level of FML

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Friday 15 April 2016 23:45

Well, #15, we'd rather not listen to homophobic sexist remarks from someone who, despite being so judgemental about appearance doesn't see the irony in the fact that she's a woman who looks like a man....If you're les, that explains your dislike of men.

usernamesaredum 8

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Friday 15 April 2016 23:50

In no way is it homophobic nor sexist to not want to picture a hairy man in a thong. Your last remark, about assuming she's lesbian because she looks like a man, and that lesbians hate men, however, is both of those and stereotypical.

ThatOneChick856 36

Saturday 16 April 2016 1:04

I don't understand why people don't think guys in things are hot, but maybe I'm just weird like that.

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Saturday 16 April 2016 3:55

Who said guys in thongs are hot?

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Saturday 16 April 2016 17:39

Happened to me once at the park, except my shorts tore completely and I had to walk home

Tristan_Afro 17

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Tuesday 19 April 2016 5:54

34, FML on Android doesn't show gender and location anymore.

samwilliams800 28

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:27

I've had that happen at work a couple times.

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:27

Oops, that must have been pretty embarrassing, no worries OP this incident will be soon forgotten I hope.

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:28

Some chicks are into that.

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Friday 15 April 2016 22:01

I think hairy men are sexy. I don't understand why so many men hate their body hair, or this fad with men shaving their chests and getting their backs waxed. But, then again, as someone who shaves off a significant portion of my own body hair, I guess I shouldn't judge.

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Friday 15 April 2016 23:39

Because some women or men don't like body hair on males. Or maybe partial. Like no body hair except pits and face. It's personal preference and it's their body.

zaidthunder1 27

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Saturday 16 April 2016 4:07

The hairiness itself is fine unless its in the armpits (it stinks if its too hairy). But I suppose one would get embarrassed if their butt cheek would be revealed in office with the people you work.

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:28

You'll definitely be the butt of all the office jokes for a long time.

The_Potato_Lord 15

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Saturday 23 April 2016 2:35

Butt end**

PingusTheDingus 31

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:31

That's Cheeky

bad_boyfriend 10

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:39

Were you going commando or rocking a thong?

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:42

Just the one hairy cheek?

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:43

One would be more than enough.

Estelle101_fml 13

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:48

That sounds like something I would do, don't worry op soon you will look back on this day and laugh.

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Friday 15 April 2016 20:27

or cry.

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Friday 15 April 2016 21:56

Why not both?

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Friday 15 April 2016 16:56

No" ifs" "ands" or...well nevermind.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 131

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 299