Money: Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark.... - FML

By stupid - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

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Check this out

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QUIET PLEASE

By kam3221 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

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By No Action Fighter - United States

Freaked out

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

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By PEGASISTER FOR LIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!!!!! - Mexico

Today, I was running late and couldn't find my purse anywhere. My sleep-deprived brain came up with the brilliant idea of trying to phone it. FML

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By upset mom

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

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By Amanda

Today, my daughter has been using the "supertaster" excuse to not eat my cooking. To prove to her that she isn't one, I blindfolded her and gave her a bowl of jelly beans, then asked her to plug her nose and identify the flavors. She got every single one correct. FML

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By Jololol - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

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By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By Sady_Ct

Be careful what you wish for…

Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML

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By TooTallNiCo - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

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By icybrent94 - United Kingdom - Arlesey

Today, I decided to have some fun by joining a Harry Potter forum and making a thread saying it's all for little kids. When I checked back later, my post had been edited into me tearfully coming out of the closet, and some guy had said he'd passed my details on to Anonymous. FML

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By Xanadu - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

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By TheBetterRedhead

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

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By foreseeingabreakup - United States

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

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By XoxoChula - United States

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

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By Di Da - 6/7/2020 23:02

Ghosted

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

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By doubleds - Canada

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

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By freakingout - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

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By tallwoman - Denmark

Today, I was at a concert. During the concert, my shoelaces went undone, so I bent down to tie them. Not two seconds later, the girl behind me jumped on my shoulders and refused to get down. She said "tall guys" are the best to ride on during concerts. My name is Maria. FML

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By LL - United States - Seattle

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

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By rocks_hurt

Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML

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By picasso - United States

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

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By aubrey

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

Today, my mom called me for dinner by saying, "We're going to eat Steph! I mean we're going to eat COMMA Steph! We're not going to eat you! Ha ha!" She thinks this joke is hilarious and has been doing it to both my dad and me every night since early June. FML

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By nola2005

Hoarded in

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

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By rayraydayday - United States - Englewood

Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML

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By thanks a lot mom - United States - Sloughhouse

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

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By Mew - United States

Hard pass

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

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By Cùchulainn - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

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By lpspann87 - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

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By anonymous

Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

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By unknown - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

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By FuckfaceSteve - United Kingdom - Chester-le-street

Today, the girl I like finally replied to a text I sent a week ago. Her reply was: "Don't ever text me again, fuckface." FML

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By sore - Australia

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

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By THOMASisMYname - Canada

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

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By Anyonymous_101

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

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By goodjobme - United States - Torrance

Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML

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Top comments

By irisr_fml | 24

#6302082 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

YDI for using something that important as a bookmark

By stife7 | 13

#6302081 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

So i guess buying a new book is out of the question.

COMMENTS

By stife7 | 13

#6302081 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

So i guess buying a new book is out of the question.

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6303566 - Thursday 28 May 2015 4:10

time to call book man, the action hero that rescues lost books I bet he's at Starbucks getting himself a free mocha latte on your courteous behalf right nowwww woot woot party at starbucks. Sorry bro its party time somewhere.

By irisr_fml | 24

#6302082 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

YDI for using something that important as a bookmark

Reply

joeyl2008 | 29

#6595111 - Monday 2 May 2016 21:55

I wish I could vote YDI but after this latest update my freaking options are "I agree" or "that could've happened to anyone"

By RyanBee | 14

#6302084 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

YDI for using something important as a bookmark, sorry OP that sucks

Reply

norpedo | 16

#6303634 - Thursday 28 May 2015 5:23

you just copied #2.....

By ElricMustang | 23

#6302086 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Shame you lost your book, but using a credit card as a bookmark is just foolish. I'd rather fold the page on a brand new book than use my credit card to keep my place

Reply

santosb1 | 11

#6302228 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:48

I like to use currency bills, so whenever I need money, I know to go to my bookshelf.

By JoshNotWright | 7

#6302089 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

YDI for using a credit card as a book mark. Next time, maybe just dog ear it.

Reply

tdawg91 | 17

#6302347 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:22

Or use a $5 note or a piece of paper, paper clip, a leaf... Anything but a credit card!

Reply

Bibliovore | 26

#6303000 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 16:18

Post-it notes! Best bookmarks ever; they don't fall out, and can even mark where on the page you are, if you wish.

By ethanbrinkman | 11

#6302091 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

My only question is why not anything else?

By NateshN | 18

#6302092 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Never use something as a bookmark what is of more value than the book inself,
OP!

Reply

NateshN | 18

#6302102 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:34

*itself

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6302093 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:31

Sucks to suck.

By igg125 | 30

#6302096 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:32

Cancel them now and report them lost/stolen and get a bookmark

Reply

igg125 | 30

#6302356 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:39

Don't cancel them! Just report them as lost or stolen. Canceling your oldest card or cards with good standing will hurt your credit.

By the_rad_brad47 | 18

#6302099 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:33

Step 1: get a piece of paper
Step 2: fold it into rectangle
:D enjoy your new bookmark

Reply

Imhere4fml | 24

#6302145 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 18:04

If only OP figured this out before hand