Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark.... - FML

By stupid - 26/5/2015 06:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

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This is us

Does it taste good?

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:19 - Australia - Perth

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 23:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

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By buckley456 - 28/5/2012 03:33 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

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By livingstonjamie - 13/1/2015 08:28 - Australia - Hampton

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

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By twice-a-day - 18/11/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

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By purged - 8/6/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

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By lonely otaku - 25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

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By ww2freak - 14/6/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2014 05:16 - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

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By Cyberdeeder - 13/10/2008 08:19

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

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By okay17 - 29/12/2015 05:00 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

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By Jetlagged - 3/6/2017 22:00

Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2013 15:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2015 03:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

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By Dumbfuck - 25/9/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

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By SpiderFather - 2/7/2013 08:01 - France

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2013 11:12 - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

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By dontbadouche - 1/2/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

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By Seline - 25/11/2010 14:48

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

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By chevygirl51 - 28/5/2014 21:12 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

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By NooOOooOO - 11/10/2017 23:15

Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML

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By liz - 21/6/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

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By not a photographer - 21/6/2020 08:08

Mom gets some

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

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By alex - 14/3/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

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By fuckedalready - 3/2/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

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By gotanewmouse - 26/9/2011 10:37 - New Zealand

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

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By urbantrashcan - 5/10/2015 21:02 - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

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By AnonCat - 21/1/2013 01:47 - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

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By single - 24/12/2014 21:49 - United States - Hurricane

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:44 - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

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By Dante178 - 8/12/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

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By not right - 30/6/2020 23:00

"People have had enough of experts"

Today, I tried to have a serious talk with my sister about how she feeds her kids. The 5-year-old is 75 lbs and the 7-year-old is nearing 100. She scoffed and said, “What do you know? You can’t even have kids!” No, I can’t have kids, but I am in school to become a pediatrician. Pretty sure I’m right. FML

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By op-poopy - 22/4/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

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By maxedoutidiot - 13/12/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

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By annoyedwithkids - 2/7/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I was baby sitting ten year old twins. When they first saw me, they ran away screaming and hid in the closet. This isn't the first house where this has happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 19:13 - Sweden

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 02:00 - United States - Denver

Decisions, decisions

Today my boyfriend, whom I haven't seen all summer, blew off our date to attend a local chili eating contest. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

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By Elizabeh - 8/11/2009 22:38 - Canada

Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML

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Top comments

By irisr_fml | 24

#6302082 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

YDI for using something that important as a bookmark

By stife7 | 13

#6302081 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

So i guess buying a new book is out of the question.

Comments

By stife7 | 13

#6302081 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

So i guess buying a new book is out of the question.

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6303566 - Thursday 28 May 2015 4:10

time to call book man, the action hero that rescues lost books I bet he's at Starbucks getting himself a free mocha latte on your courteous behalf right nowwww woot woot party at starbucks. Sorry bro its party time somewhere.

By irisr_fml | 24

#6302082 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:28

YDI for using something that important as a bookmark

Reply

joeyl2008 | 29

#6595111 - Monday 2 May 2016 21:55

I wish I could vote YDI but after this latest update my freaking options are "I agree" or "that could've happened to anyone"

By RyanBee | 14

#6302084 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:29

YDI for using something important as a bookmark, sorry OP that sucks

Reply

norpedo | 16

#6303634 - Thursday 28 May 2015 5:23

you just copied #2.....

By ElricMustang | 23

#6302086 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Shame you lost your book, but using a credit card as a bookmark is just foolish. I'd rather fold the page on a brand new book than use my credit card to keep my place

Reply

santosb1 | 11

#6302228 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:48

I like to use currency bills, so whenever I need money, I know to go to my bookshelf.

By JoshNotWright | 7

#6302089 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

YDI for using a credit card as a book mark. Next time, maybe just dog ear it.

Reply

tdawg91 | 17

#6302347 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:22

Or use a $5 note or a piece of paper, paper clip, a leaf... Anything but a credit card!

Reply

Bibliovore | 26

#6303000 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 16:18

Post-it notes! Best bookmarks ever; they don't fall out, and can even mark where on the page you are, if you wish.

By ethanbrinkman | 11

#6302091 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

My only question is why not anything else?

By NateshN | 18

#6302092 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:30

Never use something as a bookmark what is of more value than the book inself,
OP!

Reply

NateshN | 18

#6302102 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:34

*itself

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6302093 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:31

Sucks to suck.

By igg125 | 30

#6302096 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:32

Cancel them now and report them lost/stolen and get a bookmark

Reply

igg125 | 30

#6302356 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 22:39

Don't cancel them! Just report them as lost or stolen. Canceling your oldest card or cards with good standing will hurt your credit.

By the_rad_brad47 | 18

#6302099 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:33

Step 1: get a piece of paper
Step 2: fold it into rectangle
:D enjoy your new bookmark

Reply

Imhere4fml | 24

#6302145 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 18:04

If only OP figured this out before hand