Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard...

By whatthewoah - 2/9/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

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Transportation

Instadrama

Double standards

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 1/6/2019 20:01

Today, my boyfriend let it slip that he thinks of my best friend when he masturbates because he like to have the "freedom and variety." FML

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By me - 21/8/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

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By lovethyneighbour - 4/8/2014 00:19 - Australia - Berowra

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

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By shittyhall - 26/6/2017 04:00

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

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By ow my kidneys - 14/7/2015 10:33 - Germany - Bad Oeynhausen

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

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By bigmistake - 24/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML

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By mommyopps - 26/3/2016 02:14 - United States - Madison Lake

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

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By hannax - 16/8/2016 17:26 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

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By Biggie - 2/2/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, during a snowstorm, I opened my car door to get out. The wind snapped it wide open, then immediately changed course and swung it back at me just as I stepped out, spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

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By stupid - 21/12/2010 15:21 - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

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By That Guy - 1/11/2014 12:58 - United States - Tampa

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

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By peeoncarl1111 - 29/1/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 16:00

Drives

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2011 02:59 - United States

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

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By Zora - 15/7/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

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By SwimmingInFear - 29/5/2012 03:36 - United States - Havertown

Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is; it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales and sharks. FML

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By leah12 - 18/3/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail from my Grandma about how much she adores and loves me. Then it went into detail about how much prettier, smarter, and successful I am than my sister, Leah. I am Leah. She mixed up the letters to the wrong envelopes. FML

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By wellhellothere - 17/4/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2019 02:00

Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML

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By whyyyy - 17/6/2020 05:05

Dumbass

Today, my daughter shaved her head in solidarity for a friend who went bald from cancer. Normally this would be an amazing gesture. Unfortunately, her “friend” is a fictional character from a book she’s reading. My daughter had almost 24-inch long hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

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By ninaaaa - 24/2/2014 00:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

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By Bareassed - 29/7/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

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By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

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By awkwardpartybear - 4/1/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

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By tortureromoretorture - 27/8/2015 00:28 - United States - West Islip

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

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By SorryUncleTommy - 1/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

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By unfortunateMother - 18/9/2012 19:51 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

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By librarygirl - 13/8/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2018 19:00

Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2013 07:33 - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

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By anne - 7/1/2016 12:00 - Germany

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 17:58 - United States - Elmont

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

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By Samantha - 31/5/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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Top comments

By Fuzzygraywolf | 0

#1340503 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:22

that sucks! you should sue them

By rouxvanity | 0

#1340488 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:20

damn.

Comments

By reptarroars | 7

#1340480 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:20

this reminds me of that one commercial, I think triple a
:(

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1340609 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:33

reminds me of the allstate commercial mayhem is coming are you in good hands

dannnyxox | 0

#1340668 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:44

Haha I was thinking more like..
'nows not the time to wish you had car insurance'.

ilovenerds_ | 1

#1340741 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:01

14, I was thinking that, too:)

bigredmonkeybutt | 23

#1340784 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:10

Huh. I was thinking, "So easy a caveman can do it!"

Jessi2487 | 0

#1340850 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:20

im no sceintist op, but i think if u wouldnt have parked ur car in that spot at tht time on that day, it wouldnt have happened.... but im no sceintist... jus sayin

FFML_314 | 11

#1340874 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:24

I hope you're kidding, 20.

Jessi2487 | 0

#1340890 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:26

21- no really it may seem like it but im really not a scientist... freaky huh? :p

FFML_314 | 11

#1340905 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:29

You're definitely trying to mess with my head. I don't think we need to be told that you're not a scientist. Besides, I wasn't referring to that.

Jessi2487 | 0

#1340915 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:31

oh i see.... so does that mean i fail at life? ill go sit in the corner :(

FFML_314 | 11

#1340932 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:36

I somehow feel like that was a trap.

buzz18 | 7

#1341020 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:56

i seen something similar, but a shopping cart, and it was my brothers, just a dent in the door though :3

Jessi2487 | 0

#1341057 - Friday 3 September 2010 3:03

somehow i feel its not a trap... im a dunce

FFML_314 | 11

#1341124 - Friday 3 September 2010 3:20

Good to know.

Toxxic_Blackout | 0

#1341323 - Friday 3 September 2010 4:06

quick fix for the OP: SUE THOSE BITCHES INTO NEXT WEEK!

missmurderx | 8

#1341352 - Friday 3 September 2010 4:19

hi, 11, I love all time low.
:DD

soul_fml | 0

#1341369 - Friday 3 September 2010 4:24

Wow, ur car is a little fragile, don't u think?

AlesanaLTL | 0

#1341552 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:10

Make the book store pay for it, can't he? It is their fault.

michael32123 | 0

#1341658 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:44

COCKMUNCHERSSSSSSSZZszzsszsssz!!!

UpYoursInAdvance | 0

#1341881 - Friday 3 September 2010 6:26

BTW 11 Only WIN here lol

Prodigy7 | 4

#1342054 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:04

Yes Jessi. You are now on FFML's list of people who fail at life. There's only a hundred of you now.

Brittney_E | 0

#1342109 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:18

like a good neighbor, allsate is there! (with a piñata!!

rbkhockey33 | 0

#1342136 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:26

48, you have your car insurance commercials confused. nice job.

Jessi2487 | 0

#1342173 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:39

46- yes!!! atleast i made a list!!!! so i win in my book =D

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1347848 - Saturday 4 September 2010 3:47

34 haha me too they r like the best band :)

gntfmlingnow | 12

#3326677 - Thursday 22 September 2011 4:58

*puts on german accent and fish costume* IT'S A TRAP

By rouxvanity | 0

#1340488 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:20

damn.

By ruin242 | 0

#1340501 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:22

owch /:

By Fuzzygraywolf | 0

#1340503 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:22

that sucks! you should sue them

Fuzzygraywolf | 0

#1340522 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:24

lol damn

By julie3841 | 11

#1340515 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:23

Damn. Sounds like my kind of luck :

By FFML_314 | 11

#1340531 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:24

Did you kick that carts ass?

By FaberDriveLuv | 5

#1340551 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:27

Aw damn. That really sucks, op, sorry.

Cuppycake1488 | 0

#1340650 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:40

Pretty eyes(:

homicidaltendenc_fml | 0

#1340734 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:59

lol

By buymeamonster | 3

#1340589 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:31

ram it back

By makayla_roxx | 2

#1340625 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:35

haha that's why you don't go to bookstores xD

By homicidaltendenc_fml | 0

#1340751 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:01

The book store should definitely pay for that shit. I'd be pissed.