Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard...

By whatthewoah - 2/9/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

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Transportation

Understandable

Out of it

Trust

By rejected4ever - 14/2/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

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By Baboosh - 28/9/2009 04:11 - Canada

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2014 01:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

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By yuckspider - 20/4/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

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By shit_fer_luck - 16/12/2014 16:35 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

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By ardenm - 12/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

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By Tingly - 16/8/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I realized that that tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML

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By Cass - 29/3/2012 02:03 - Australia

Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

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By yayme. - 11/7/2013 22:26 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

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By MaximB - 15/7/2020 14:02

Coming up short

Today, some babe finally super-liked me on Tinder, but didn't want to continue the chat after finding out I'm shorter than her. FML

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By xXfloatingshitlogXx - 3/11/2012 16:04 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML

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By WasZumTeufel? - 1/1/2013 00:55 - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

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By Brown345 - 11/5/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

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By Uriah - 3/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

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By OhNo - 13/7/2010 15:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

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By WorryNot - 29/12/2016 01:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, I accidentally left a small but very important piece of my breast pump at home. Only ten more hours until the end of my shift. FML

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By nooneinparticular - 21/5/2020 08:00

Fragrant

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

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By JustABarista - 11/3/2017 04:00

Good Riddance

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

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By lisha182 - 20/2/2011 11:49 - Australia

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

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By Overprotected - 19/6/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

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By immature - 18/9/2014 19:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2010 14:04 - Denmark

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

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By Diana - 25/10/2019 22:00 - United States

We hear ya

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

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By 12MONTHLEASE - 22/4/2016 00:30 - United States

Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

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By fartlover - 27/11/2009 05:10 - Canada

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

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By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

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By thatguy - 28/10/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

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By nomorecookies - 6/8/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

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By Morgan - 22/6/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

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By dude - 20/1/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2014 03:46 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

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By whaleninjapoop - 6/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 23:02

Delayed proposal

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 03:14 - New Zealand - Takanini

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

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By 19collegestudentandpregant - 26/9/2014 22:07 - United States - Loretto

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

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Top comments

By Fuzzygraywolf | 0

#1340503 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:22

that sucks! you should sue them

By rouxvanity | 0

#1340488 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:20

damn.

COMMENTS

By reptarroars | 7

#1340480 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:20

this reminds me of that one commercial, I think triple a
:(

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1340609 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:33

reminds me of the allstate commercial mayhem is coming are you in good hands

dannnyxox | 0

#1340668 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:44

Haha I was thinking more like..
'nows not the time to wish you had car insurance'.

ilovenerds_ | 1

#1340741 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:01

14, I was thinking that, too:)

bigredmonkeybutt | 24

#1340784 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:10

Huh. I was thinking, "So easy a caveman can do it!"

Jessi2487 | 0

#1340850 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:20

im no sceintist op, but i think if u wouldnt have parked ur car in that spot at tht time on that day, it wouldnt have happened.... but im no sceintist... jus sayin

FFML_314 | 11

#1340874 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:24

I hope you're kidding, 20.

Jessi2487 | 0

#1340890 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:26

21- no really it may seem like it but im really not a scientist... freaky huh? :p

FFML_314 | 11

#1340905 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:29

You're definitely trying to mess with my head. I don't think we need to be told that you're not a scientist. Besides, I wasn't referring to that.

Jessi2487 | 0

#1340915 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:31

oh i see.... so does that mean i fail at life? ill go sit in the corner :(

FFML_314 | 11

#1340932 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:36

I somehow feel like that was a trap.

buzz18 | 7

#1341020 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:56

i seen something similar, but a shopping cart, and it was my brothers, just a dent in the door though :3

Jessi2487 | 0

#1341057 - Friday 3 September 2010 3:03

somehow i feel its not a trap... im a dunce

FFML_314 | 11

#1341124 - Friday 3 September 2010 3:20

Good to know.

Toxxic_Blackout | 0

#1341323 - Friday 3 September 2010 4:06

quick fix for the OP: SUE THOSE BITCHES INTO NEXT WEEK!

missmurderx | 8

#1341352 - Friday 3 September 2010 4:19

hi, 11, I love all time low.
:DD

soul_fml | 0

#1341369 - Friday 3 September 2010 4:24

Wow, ur car is a little fragile, don't u think?

AlesanaLTL | 0

#1341552 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:10

Make the book store pay for it, can't he? It is their fault.

michael32123 | 0

#1341658 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:44

COCKMUNCHERSSSSSSSZZszzsszsssz!!!

UpYoursInAdvance | 0

#1341881 - Friday 3 September 2010 6:26

BTW 11 Only WIN here lol

Prodigy7 | 4

#1342054 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:04

Yes Jessi. You are now on FFML's list of people who fail at life. There's only a hundred of you now.

Brittney_E | 0

#1342109 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:18

like a good neighbor, allsate is there! (with a piñata!!

rbkhockey33 | 0

#1342136 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:26

48, you have your car insurance commercials confused. nice job.

Jessi2487 | 0

#1342173 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:39

46- yes!!! atleast i made a list!!!! so i win in my book =D

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1347848 - Saturday 4 September 2010 3:47

34 haha me too they r like the best band :)

gntfmlingnow | 12

#3326677 - Thursday 22 September 2011 4:58

*puts on german accent and fish costume* IT'S A TRAP

By rouxvanity | 0

#1340488 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:20

damn.

By ruin242 | 0

#1340501 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:22

owch /:

By Fuzzygraywolf | 0

#1340503 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:22

that sucks! you should sue them

Fuzzygraywolf | 0

#1340522 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:24

lol damn

By julie3841 | 11

#1340515 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:23

Damn. Sounds like my kind of luck :

By FFML_314 | 11

#1340531 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:24

Did you kick that carts ass?

By FaberDriveLuv | 5

#1340551 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:27

Aw damn. That really sucks, op, sorry.

Cuppycake1488 | 0

#1340650 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:40

Pretty eyes(:

homicidaltendenc_fml | 0

#1340734 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:59

lol

By buymeamonster | 3

#1340589 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:31

ram it back

By makayla_roxx | 2

#1340625 - Friday 3 September 2010 1:35

haha that's why you don't go to bookstores xD

By homicidaltendenc_fml | 0

#1340751 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:01

The book store should definitely pay for that shit. I'd be pissed.