Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
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Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my mother. They were doing it for almost a year. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck out of my room so he could have sex with my mom in the next room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
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Top comments
doubledutchy 15
This is actually quite useful now that you know that OP. Now you can either make your mother go to crazy places, or better yet, have fun having sex in crazy places. Twist the negative side into something you can benefit from!
anonymous_kenie 7
Sounds like its time to start fooling your mother with spoofed text messages
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Comments (126)
birdybirdchirp 18
just change you girlfriends name with one of your mom's friends and see what see does then.
allplayedout 20
This is confusing. If your mother is "dropping by," she doesn't live with you, yes? And if that's the case, how is she reading your texts? And if it's through some kind of smartphone software that I'm just not familiar with, why not just tell her to get lost (in so many words) when she shows up unannounced after spying on your phone messages? Learn to defend your boundaries OP. Your girlfriend is probably suffering over your latent mommy issues too.
lienabakes 3
How does your mother keep getting ur phone? What kind of person are you?
TallMist 32
There are many ways to read texts without looking at the phone the text was sent on/received on. Phone synching, internet, accounts, family plans, etc. etc. Blame OP's mom for being a control freak, not OP.
ZorroRooster 19
Explain boundaries to her. Then, next time shes getting ready to get it on, cockblock her
LuapMere 11
That's why my phone has a password.
loganHchrist 9
What is a rubber?
cnparks1990 9
somebody needs to choke a bi**h
JosephMoore77 8
58, a condom
israelnotjacob 20
It's downright laughable that you think just because someone is at the age of consent it means they're actually mature enough to be having sex. Only an immature person would think that's always true. I'd say most are not truly prepared for the responsibility at 18, and almost none at 16.
eliniel1 2
Maybe skip the texting and move to Facebook messaging? IDK. I've never PLANNED on having sex, if it happens, it just happens and that's that.