Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my mother. They were doing it for almost a year. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck out of my room so he could have sex with my mom in the next room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
doubledutchy 15
This is actually quite useful now that you know that OP. Now you can either make your mother go to crazy places, or better yet, have fun having sex in crazy places. Twist the negative side into something you can benefit from!
anonymous_kenie 7
Sounds like its time to start fooling your mother with spoofed text messages
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (126)
Mortoli 30
Go for plan B... Might be old school but it will work... Call your girl...
Iamlegendfuckyou 3
Set a password :) I hope you aren't sharing Imessages
Defecately 18
You know... you can lock your phone...
danimal_crackerz 26
I'm assuming OP means on a computer. If you are on a parents phone plan, they can log onto their account with the provider and read any texts sent by a child's phone
pamari25 5
If you have a smart phone, download wickr. It's an app that lets you text, take pics and vids and they self destruct after between 3 secs-6 days. AND it's more secure than snapchat. When it self destructs the message, it REALLY self destructs
samm6697 9
Thwarted?
kathie_bunny 14
Just text her and say "so,what are you getting for my moms surprise party?"
danimal_crackerz 26
If you have IOS, then get an app like text free for thAt, as pathetic as it sounds
BloodyGlass 10
Well, just keep barging in on her and your dad until she gets the message and backs off, or use another way of communication or a password on your phone.
zoelog 10
this makes no sense to me. how is she reading your texts? from the way you wrote this she doesn't live with you so I'm confused as to how she has access to your texts.