Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my mother. They were doing it for almost a year. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck out of my room so he could have sex with my mom in the next room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
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Top comments
doubledutchy 15
This is actually quite useful now that you know that OP. Now you can either make your mother go to crazy places, or better yet, have fun having sex in crazy places. Twist the negative side into something you can benefit from!
anonymous_kenie 7
Sounds like its time to start fooling your mother with spoofed text messages
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Comments (126)
caysters 12
Time for you two to be spontaneous. Then mommy will never know.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
That is actually really creepy. Most parents would be thankful their son was planning times for that stuff so they dont have to hear it, but OP's mum seems like she wouldnt mind walking in on them. I think your mums a bit socially retarded OP. Try discussing those matters on facebook instead, solved.
Sandman366 6
Here I figured she might be happy to have grandkids. Only kids, apparently.
iiMichy 19
It doesn't state whether or not OP is female or male.. so grandkids may or may not be an issue.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
I reckon.. "Oh hey you two, hows it going in there? :D Can i get you anything? Condoms, Redbull.... a camera perhaps? No? Okay then, i'll just be in the next room! Let me know if you erm, need a hand!"
booda44 7
Chastity mother :/
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
Oh lawd, i'd like to have hoped that word had died out of existence..
JMichael 25
How old are you that mommy still reads your text messages?
jddrinker 6
Sounds like your mom needs to get laid too.
applebramble 22
Or use secret words that wouldn't look so obvious . And don't forget to use a rubber .
brandoneyez1 25
And that ladies and gentleman is the best form of birth control and a great barrier method. Sorry op
kylieh72 25
OP could still be on his moms phone plan which would enable her to read them from her own device. That seems like a possibility considering she was "dropping by", most likely to his place.
Goblin182 26
Next time don't answer the door until you are finished, then you and your girlfriend answer the door buck naked, both of you with baby batter dripping from your privates. Bet she won't do it again.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
What if that backfires and instead she offers to lick it off? o.O
klovemachine 24
Ew, 49
Goblin182 26
I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.