Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my mother. They were doing it for almost a year. FML
Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck out of my room so he could have sex with my mom in the next room. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
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Top comments
doubledutchy 15
This is actually quite useful now that you know that OP. Now you can either make your mother go to crazy places, or better yet, have fun having sex in crazy places. Twist the negative side into something you can benefit from!
anonymous_kenie 7
Sounds like its time to start fooling your mother with spoofed text messages
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Comments (126)
honeymoonroyale 20
This is exactly why I have a password on my phone... My family can be nosey as ****.
BubbaJ80 11
So set up a fake time
142_cats 13
Text each other like you're organizing a murder. That will freak her out.
Ufoguy100 2
How old are you?
dumpless 13
I swear some parents on this app are complete asswipes it pisses me off
Xotoolyxo 16
Maybe you should stop planning and just have spontaneous sex, that way no one knows...it's all a surprise
kmartFTW 12
mother knows best, sadly
Yeliab333 20
...... thwarted?
Sal_G_63 5
Too bad you're comment is full of so much fail, 91.
Joedbag 8
Here's a thought, don't answer the door and tell her to buzz off. She's invading your privacy and has no business **** blocking you.