Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend in the shower, my mom stood outside the door the whole time, asking me about my day. My girlfriend never stopped going, and my mom, who was unaware that my girl was with me in the shower, is now getting me tested for speech impairment. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
omgepiphany 0
You still live at home with your mother, and you're sexing up girls all night while she's within earshot? You fool, YDI
djspazy 0
lmfao, every time you hear your gf moan, you will think of your mother. score 1 for mom
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (159)
maconmann 0
damn dog that was funny like shit.
inkstains 0
It's ridiculous to say that if you're having sex you should have your own place. What if the OP and his girlfriend are in high school, or even a college they commute to? Please join us over here in reality, commenters.
noclevername 0
Also, if I have kids I hope I'm as amazing as OP's mother.
kiltedwolf 0
Oh man, that memory would fell the timber the next time the girlfriend moaned.
mzmaverickd 7
Agreed with "Never lie to a parent who's a smartass" but at the same time your mom sucks. Why did she wait that long? And tell your girl to put her face in your neck next time, my GOODNESS.
jbird265 0
YDI, having sex with your girlfriend when your mom is around? hahahah youre an asshole, OP.
holynemesis1208 3
i hope you didn't get turned on.
xtina88 0
what does OP mean?
IngenuityGap 0
Wow. Stupid enough to have sex in your parents house. Stupid enough to deny it to their face. YDI.
ajturner1234 0
wow that's pretty hot actually. should have asked of a 1 on 1 session with her